ASAP RAPS

ASAP RAPS Podcast

In ASAP RAPS, turntablist p.stoops and rapper Mayor Wertz attempt to write rap songs quickly. Very quickly. Some might say “too quickly” or “maybe you should stop." But there’s no time for critics in this race for the rhymes. During the first week of this bi-weekly audio journey, the duo set out to make a beat in under an hour from a randomly selected record. The other week, they write rhymes based on the Twitter feed of whoever’s on the cover of People Magazine. In the end, pure rap gold. ​

ASAP Talks: Freaky Friday
Sometimes it's fun to shake things up a bit. That's what we learned from the movie Freaky Friday starring Jamie Lee Curtis, but also when we switched podcasts with Second Shot. You get a double scoop of podcast content all smushed into one cone of an episode. Second Shot Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/secondshotpod/ Second Shot Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/SecondShotPod/ Email us at: asaprapspod@gmail.com Follow us on Twitter: @asaprapspodcast Like our Facebook: https://www.fa...

Where is ASAP RAPS?
You may have been pondering to yourself lately: "Where is my favorite podcast ASAP RAPS?" I promise we’re still here. We’ve just been trying (our best) to knock out this first EP so you can listen to it and be proud.  But in the meantime you can come see us live! p.stoops 9.21 Survival Kit survivalkitgallery.org Mayor Wertz 10.25 CODA coda.danteboccuzzi.com Email us at: asaprapspod@gmail.com Follow us on Twitter: @asaprapspodcast Like our Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/asaprapspod/...

Keys to the Pod: Sam Dunk and The Sledge (with Sam Dee and Lisa Perrin)
We’re taking this week off from doing all the heavy lifting and receiving a little bit of help from our friends SAM DUNK and THE SLEDGE (Sam Dee and Lisa Perrin). Improvisers, artists, and all around talented people, Sam and Lisa teach us all how to wear a suit through the power of song. Follow Sam Dee on Instagram: @areyoumynewdad Follow Lisa Perrin on Instagram: @madebyperrin Email us at: asaprapspod@gmail.com Follow us on Twitter: @asaprapspodcast Like our Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/a...


ASAP Talks Part 2: Cometbus
In part two of this ASAP Talks episode we talk about our writing prompts, including our rejected ideas. Plus we write a new theme song! It's a roller-coaster of emotions. A 40 minute, flat roller-coaster, that still somehow goes off the rails and kills everyone. Recommended listening: Last Podcast on the Left Stop Podcasting Yourself (Yep, they're podcasts.) Email us at: asaprapspod@gmail.com Follow us on Twitter: @asaprapspodcast Like our Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/asaprapspod/...

ASAP Talks Part 1: Rest In Pinkslips
It’s your favorite late night post-show talk show The Talking De— I mean, ASAP Talks!  We’ve chat about your favorite fan theories about those boys you know and love! We dive into their guiltiest pleasures, new exciting cross-brand promotions with the HOTTEST vape technology, and learn how to say the cRaZiEsT rap names! Check out all the hot gossip on Hollywood hunk Vin Diesel and SO MUCH MORE all on tonight’s episode of ASAP Talks! Email us at: asaprapspod@gmail.com Follow us on Twitter: @asapra...

Album 1, Track 6b: Faith (DANG GIRL)
It’s the end of an era. This is the last People magazine-inspired rap we’re writing. NOT the last episode of the podcast, or even last album. Just the last for this one. Our dumb baby has grown up and now we’re kicking it out of the house. Listen as we go full Jock Jams on this one. Or at least half Jock Jams, half… romance rap? Regardless, thank you for listening to us make this project. We love you. Recommended listening: Linkin Park, ‘Meteora’ Gorillaz, ‘The Now Now’ Nas, ‘NASIR’  Email us at: asapr...


Album 1, Track 6a: Raps At The Copa
Come on down to the classic Podcast-cabana! Laugh, socialize, drink a Mai Tai and contemplate how to run a crime syndicate via youth basketball league. Do these descriptions help? Probably not. But I enjoy writing them to those who read this nonsense. Anyhow, in this episode we talk about beatbox competitions, being the Hoosiers of comedy rap, and, of course, running an underground youth basketball gambling ring. It’s the summertime and our studio gets very hot. Our grip on reality is slipping away. S...

Album 1, Track 5b: Property (w/ Chayla Hope)
Sure, normally we’re just two dummies, writing raps as fast as we can, making each other laugh with dumb jokes and often forgetting that we’re under a time limit. But this week’s different. This week we bring in the big guns. The Emmy-winning and insanely talented singer-songwriter, Chayla Hope (of Seafair), joins us in the studio. Does she help us write an emotional tale of heartbreak? Nope. We write the FILTHIEST rap we’ve written to date. So, maybe, uh, don’t listen to this one at work. Recommended...

Album 1, Track 5a: Monk Ears
Hi, we’re ASAP Raps and we’re here to help. Do you have trouble determining which nickname to introduce yourself as? Does your improv troupe nearly make wildly inappropriate jokes? Do you have trouble pronouncing words? Here at the ASAP Raps Institute for Discouragement, our friendly staff is here to help you 24/7\. From the first ad lib to the last mic drop, we’re with you all the way. When you’re feeling discouraged, we will remix your emotions and you’ll be shouting “DJ KHALED” all the way home. An...


Album 1, Track 4a: P!nk
We don’t mean to brag but, between the two of us, we’ve read at least 10 books. This episode is a deep, dark, literary journey that’ll surely win us a Pulitzer for “Best Educational Podcast Episode.” Learn the secret war going on in ‘A Tale of Two Cities,’ the true distance traveled in Verne’s classic, and which songs may or may not be sung by Pink. We might not be the brightest tool in the shed, but we have a podcast. Recommended listening: The Eighties Matchbox B-Line Disaster, ‘Blood and Fire’ Jame...

Album 1, Track 4a: ASAP Rap Snacks
Pump up your Reeboks and get your pinnies out because this week Wertz and Stoops are gonna dunk on you. This week, the gang’s all here: Patrick Ewing, Clyde Drexler, Magic Johnson, Michael Jordan, Scottie Pippen, Karl Malone, John Stockton, Potato Chips, Pumpkin Spice, Mello Yellow Conspiracies, The Meters, Mayor Wertz, and P.Stoops. All of them going for the gold medal in Synchronized Podcasting. Recommended listening: Broken Bells, ‘Broken Bells’ Preservation Hall Jazz Band, ‘So It Is’ Email us a...

Album 1, Track 3b: Mariska
It’s called ASAP Raps. Kids try it at parties, next thing they know they’re online, gettin’ paid to yell at their own genitals. County prosecutors Stoops and Wertz put bad audience members on trial, discuss legal gambling rings, and have a sidebar with Law & Order: SVU. Will they finish the rap? Will Stoops waste too much time improvising a scene of Wertz kissing his girlfriend? Objections? Overruled. Executive Producer Dick Wolf Recommended listening: ITEM, ‘Sad Light’ Milo, ‘A Toothpaste Suburb’ Em...


Album 1, Track 3a: Goober Beats
We don’t gotta podcast, we making money beats. This week Wertzy brings in energy drinks and we get totally NOS’d out of our mind. On our NOS-fueled bender we take a deep dive into Civil War era novelty songs and dumb history records. Recommended listening: Washed Out, ‘Mister Mellow’ Cardi B, “Bodak Yellow” Scallops Hotel, “Lavender Chunk” Shlava, “Groundislava” Flying Lotus, “Putty Boy Strut” Email us at: asaprapspod@gmail.com Follow us on Twitter: @asaprapspodcast Like our Facebook: h...

Album 1, Track 2b: Oprah
You get an episode! And you get an episode! And YOU get an episode! This week’s episode of rap-writing was inspired by America’s #1 person and #1 movie and we try our hardest to not get weird with it. But, we assure you, we do actually get to writing the raps. No more goofing around. We talk Groupon, Amber alerts, and start writing our pitch for a multi-camera sitcom. Email us at: asaprapspod@gmail.com Follow us on Twitter: @asaprapspodcast Like our Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/asaprapspod/...

Bonus Episode #1: I’m a perv, I’ll look that up
We got really sidetracked in conversation and didn’t get around to writing the lyrics until about two hours into recording. So instead of dumping a three hour episode on you all, we’re giving you this bonus episode! We talk about sex tapes, Sex and the City, and sex sounds. It’s a real horny episode, so have fun listening to this at work. This week’s suggested listening: Run The Jewels, ‘Run The Jewels 3’ Mitch Hedberg, ‘Do You Believe In Gosh?’ Giorgio Moroder, ‘From Here To Eternity’ Mort G...


Album 1, Track 2a - Piss on the Beats
It’s our second beat and our blood runs cold, our integrity has just been sold. We’re back to making beats in this week episode and, boy oh boy, do we get handed a GARBAGE record. Apart from the absolute TRASH record we have to sample, we explore Wertz’s obsession with Toto, the future of live podcasts and rib cook-offs, but mostly Stoops curses at a record for an hour.      This week’s suggested listening:    Open Mike Eagle, ‘Brick Body Kids Still Daydream’     The Books, ‘The Lemon of Pink’     Ae...

Album 1, Track 1b - Hoda
Matthew Broderick killed two people in 1987 and then made Godzilla 2000. In our first lyrics episode we explore the spectrum of aggressive music, attempt to find non-murder-related People magazine covers, and write a rap about losing your gloves. Really, the takeaway from this episode is that Matthew Broderick killed two people. This week’s suggested listening: Eddie Logix, ‘Ohana’ Memory Cassette, ‘Call & Response’ Jimmy Eat World, ‘Futures’ Mindless Self Indulgence, ‘Frankenstein Girls Will...

Album 1, Track 1a - Beats of Future Past
Put on your best track suit because it’s ASAP Rappin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo! In our first beat episode we dive into the world of acid rock with Numero Group’s “Warfaring Strangers: Acid Nightmares,” talk about X-Men movies we haven’t seen, and then scramble to finish as we got overconfident in how much time we had. Lessons are learned. This week’s suggested listening: Ace Marino, ‘Cocaine Flamingo’ Doseone, ‘High Hell Soundtrack’ Beastie Boys, ‘Hello Nasty’ Blood Orange, ‘Freetown Sound’ Em...


Introduction
Pull that podcast off the shelf and allow us to introduce ourselves, we're ASAP RAPS! It's our introductory episode and we talk about our background, lay out the surprisingly complex rules and regulations, and then write our theme song based on the tweets of our podcast heroes: Greg Proops and Justin McElroy. Email us at: asaprapspod@gmail.com     Follow us on Twitter: @asaprapspodcast    Like our Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/asaprapspod/...