Carl Dicks Raw Comedy Hour

Carl Dicks Raw Comedy Hour Podcast

Like Joe Rogan. But more Roe Jogan. Just not as bald and with less weed. Pop culture, current events. Your virginity. Probably helping you get a date or two(i am the real D after all) Nothings off limits here kids. Annd maybe even help ya be a winner. You're welcome America. Carl Dicks going deep in your ear hole's. Buckle up. As always kids. Wear protection @the_realcarld on instagram

I aint afraid of no goats?
This episode is more fucked than a goat in an ISIS encampment. Thanks range 15. Due to it being halloween. Have you ever wanted to party with goats..... er uh ghosts. Well hell yes you do. The story of the jack o lantern is a real banger. By the way. Is ectoplasm ghost semen?...

I aint afraid of no goats?
This episode is more fucked than a goat in an ISIS encampment. Thanks range 15. Due to it being halloween. Have you ever wanted to party with goats..... er uh ghosts. Well hell yes you do. The story of the jack o lantern is a real banger. By the way. Is ectoplasm ghost semen?...

Stop being a "Chad"
Dudes why are you making your girls crazy...... over you. Keep that shit up yo. I like lists. We go over a list. On how to woo and how your girl. Get swole dudes. Eat the beef jerky just like the taco. Get it. My articles and lists wont fail you. Be a man chad. Put down the cologne and hair gel. Open up a fawking door for your girl. learn how to cook and put away the V neck. Your sister wants it back. Ladies? these rules apply to you as well. You're welcome. This podcast is brought to you by chest hair....


Blind dates? B*tch i ain't Stevie Wonder.
Whats Huffpo and Cosmo have to say about going in blind? Wash your ass. Know the expectations. If blind dates work then that's up to her cat and you moving out of the basement. #bestparentsever so saddle up partner. You got the check on this one. Track is Toe_Jam by Diamond Ortiz...

Top dating sites with Leon Phelps "the ladies man"
Why am i still talking about this shit. Follow along if you dare. Special guest is the one and only Leon Phelps. He helps with all your romantic queries. Grab some courvoisier cognac and join me and Leon. Song Expectations by Clint Lowery off the album Hello demons meet skeletons...

Origins of the D
Come journey with me on this once in a life time origin story told by yours truly. I give you the biography/back story. Of where the dick came from. From dicks in congress, the navy, even German family members that migrated to farm the dick. This episode was HARD to make.... i'm a dad so i get to tell dad jokes. Dive into the story of dick. Enjoy some dick. Embrace the dick. You get the point...


Quit dating young bit****
When your ass is about 40 got dam years old. Just because you can doesn't mean you should. Quit dating young bitches. They don't know what they want son. And you'll just fall into all kinds of vagina. Not love stupid. I've done the field work and have the samples i need to study. Ive done all this for you. Take my word dummy. Fuck love by All that remains A dream in static by Earthside rounds out the show...

Punting the Nuclear Football
In this day and age of political uncertainty. How good is Trumps leg? Think he can punt that Bi*** to North Korea? Iran ain't playing like the B team yo. The Ayatollah i hear has a soccer background. Think that chubby supreme leader that was interviewed by James Franco can reach the coast. Just in case they can kids you gotta prepare for the nuclear fallout. And i don't mean were chugging nuka cola here. Pop some radaway. Sh**s getting real in the wasteland. Grab your Geiger counter kids and lets make ameri...

Getting deep with the D
Its the end of 2018 and you're wondering how to nail down a relationship in 2019 without just nailing a$$. Well i have got you covered my friends. We good deep on the do's and don'ts of a good relationship. How to nurture (love that word) one another. Plenty of time for fu**ing ya dam pervs. Gotta make dem feels all mushy first. and for gods sake quit looking for love on Tinder (you'll find plenty of deeock and pooty tang thats for sure) Happy new year. D out Track is hear me now by badwolves...


When politics become stupid(psst they're always stupid)
Why cant achievements just be that. achievements? Why does the ugly head of identity politics have to creep up and smack you in the taint...whap, ill explain later. Plus Korn have a killer documentary coming out. Merry Christmas ya filthy animal. PS shi**ers full Periphery 3 select difficulty out now via Sumerian records. Opening track ;The way the news goes" closing "Lune"...

How much cocaine was in the 80's again?
Bring it back. The 80s that is. Shit son, lay off that plate of booger sugar and pick up that Nintendo gun. We going gangster on some ducks. From the video games to the movies. The 80's were the decade of excess to a 3rd degree (thank you Hunter S Thompson)Aqua net sales were through the roof. Cocaine was for breakfast (don't do drugs kids)and movies were defining our youth. Wheres the beef got damnit. Re up your soul glo supply ladies and gentleman. Jerrys bringing his curl back...

2 dudes 1 mic
Impromptu pod sesh with main man Curman. Chris stops by for a conversation. We jump balls deep down many rabbit holes. Visit a hand job cabin. Look at the most haunted places in Wyoming. Even tell some personal paranormal stories. Hold onto your butts. And grab the lotion. Its gonna get moist...


The Zombie Apocalips Survival Guide
In this installment. I go over the do's and don'ts of surviving the plague. Some want it. Other's wouldn't survive it. How will you prepare? PS Zombies eat ass too kids. Watch your John Brown hind parts. PPS whiskey and podcasting is an adventure. Don't try this at home children. Must be 21 to participate. Track is The Devil Wears Prada. Outnumbered...

What job would you have in the Military? Id blow sh** up with my mind.
This episode. I go into what job id want. If i joined any branch of the military. Id want to stare at goats (no not like ISIS) and blow shit up with my mind. Thanks George Clooney. Possibly work on a Naval ship during the American Revolution. French may be assholes. But they sure knew how to blow shit up back then. Wei Wei bitches...

Dude hit record in 3 2 1 F***
Oh boy. What would you do with a Delorean time machine? Pick up Doc and Marty? Skedaddle on back to the wild west? Maybe visit Tower Records and buy some got dam CDs? Me? Id make the Germans of WW2 eat freedom loads with modern weaponry. And don't forget to press record ya freakin turd. Smooches...


Tinder dates? Oh you mean the clap.
Hey now. In this date and age(yes i said date). When super Gonorhea is running rampid in the online dating world. We need to not reuse condoms (could save a buck or two if you do)trust picture filters and the beautiful angles they're taken at. I also found what being "cat fished" meant. Its not easy being single and cheesy. Someones gotta do it. You're welcome world...

Another brick in the Korn? The covers episode
Daddys back kids. This episode i go into why you should cheat on your husband in North Carolina. Or you'll be out millions ya skanky b**ch. Also we go over my current 2 favorite covers. Bad Wolves "Zombie" and Korns "Another brick in the wall" hate all you want on the last cover. Ill sip my tea and enjoy, while you choke on a..........?...


Stormy with a chance of Lambesis
In this installment. I go into the whole Tim Lambesis/ As I lay Dying topic. Should we. As a rock and heavy metal community. Forgive Tim? Is that our job? I delve deep into it. Plus Stormy Daniels fondles patrons while stripping. Whats more metal than that? I hear Steel Panther calling her name. Song credit goes to Double Helix off you tube. I do not own the music in this episode....


From bedroom to Porta potty.
First one done children. I go balls deep into how I got into heavy music. Why Ricki Rachtman had a sweet dew. Also tell the story on why I army crawled for a got dam pepsi behind enemy lines. #averagejoemetalshow #rikkirachtman...