Cum Town

Cum Town Podcast

Official Podcast of the Cum Boys. Hosted by Nick Mullen (@nickmullen) and Stavros Halkias (@stavcomedy), two PROFESSIONAL comedians, folks. Also featuring Adam Friedland (the girl of the show).


Ep. 163 - And there it is
it is all being revealed. and crypto has returned. and soon we will all walk together into the light...



Ep. 157 - Arthur
im gonna go real crazy getting mad about a show for babies. start talking about western culture. im gonna piss my pants and have to wear diapers. im gonna make sure the diapers are racist...


Ep. 156 - Racist Elmo
Also featuring characters: indian picard, and chinese maury. copyright cum town...

Ep. 155 - The Don Simpsons
RIP to the king of all kings, don simpson. this is not the anniversary of his death and its not related to anything else i just remembered him...

Ep. 154 - I cant wait to die
i got to the part where arthur dies. i want to die like that. cool cough disease, huge beard, everyone telling me im a good guy even though im not...




Ep. 145 - Cum Town with Gene DiNapoli (adam did the levels)
Gene DiNapoli, owner of Gene DiNapoli's Central Stage Showroom And Event Venue in Yonkers, NY joins us to discuss Elvis, the Sopranos, and the nature of the beast (showbusiness). Also featuring bam margera and his friend. Also the return of our beloved sponsor Mack Weldon. They told me they wanna update their promo code but I'm not sure what it is yet, I'll update the podcast description when I find out....


Ep. 145 - Cum Town with Gene DiNapoli (adam did the levels)
MACK WELDON PROMO CODE: CUMTOWN20Gene DiNapoli, owner of Gene DiNapoli's Central Stage Showroom And Event Venue in Yonkers, NY joins us to discuss Elvis, the Sopranos, and the nature of the beast (showbusiness). Also featuring bam margera and his friend. Also the return of our beloved sponsor Mack Weldon....

Ep. 144 - my girl
the movie My Girl, but its a young macauley caulkin and hes talking like an old black guy, saying shit like "my girl? yeah my girl she got that fat pussy nshit, lookin like it be stung by some fuckin bees nshit"...

Ep. 143 - Empire
I cant keep track of which episode is which. I'm sure i spent the whole episode talking about jussie again...


Ep. 142 - Chelsea Clinton RACIST
chelsea clinton EXPOSED for being anti jewish anti semite, wants to kill all jews. chelsea PROMISES new holocaust if hillary elected...


Ep. 139 - deaf jam
brendan eyre joins us again. listen to the rad dude podcast: https://www.patreon.com/raddudecast...



Ep. 131 - ho canada
bonnie mcfarlane comes on and says a bunch of really racist stuff about immigrants and we set her straight...




Ep. 124 - D'Jia Jones
good afternoon you've reached the desk of D'Jia Nasdaq-Jones I'm not available right now please leave a message...

Ep. 122 - The sopranos
the episode is late because im getting back into the sopranos and didn't have time to upload it before i finished the first season again today. i like the show because tony is a mental health guy like me. cum town will also cut to black at some point....


Ep. 121 - Stone Cold
we recorded this before the sesame street drama. once again ive willed controversy into existence. featuring greg stone...

Ep. 120 - R2-MeToo
we didn't make the r2 me too joke on the show i just thought of it now while naming the episode and damn do i wanna riff that shit out...

Ep. 119 - Brendan Gayer
brendan eyre (a white man who is good at stand up) joins us and we figure out his name. I think its pronounced like Gayer. he also has a podcast with two guys i also think should be making more money...



Ep. 115 - dont remember
i dont remember this episode or what happened. im still brain gay. we did one with soder today tho for the premium feed that i had a lot of fun doing so just wait for that instead probably. also i now firmly believe the world is secretly controlled by homosexual jesuits...


Ep. 112 - Guilty conscience
i've never been more disappointed in the fanbase than i am this week. you really didn't need to bully those poor sp men...


Ep. 109 - Maggets and Terds
DO u know the DIFFERENCE between a freakin PODCAST and a PODCAST AND UPLOADS? n stuff. maybe you should learn before you talk im sure your wife did wen i had sax with her twat freakin 162 times nstuff. happy back surgery day...

Ep. 108 - Sorry
sorry i slipped real bad and fucked up the sd card so we had to redo the episode. this one isnt as good as the other one we did please take my word for it...





Ep. 97 - Another delay
Sorry i accidentally ate a bunch of wax paper last night and had to sleep it off...


Ep. 92 - Ruthless and Toothless
Stav got his tooth removed lol. Adam is still gone. Soon this podcast is just going to be Norman Wilkerson sending you all links to Reason and telling you about his sons....


Ep. 91 - Cum Town Classic
Well its the original boys and no guest. We had fun on this one folks. It's kind of nice to just say dumb shit without someone interupting with a story about israel or getting a hand job from a chinese or whatever....


Ep. 88 - Finally Real Boys
Well we're big dick terrotiroy now folks. I plugged the damn zoom into the laptop and we recorded thsi shit directly into logic. So who's a "fucking retard" now? Not me, is what I mean. I mean I'm sure there's someone out there that is. Theres nothing wrong with that. But hes not me....

Ep. 86 - Go Back to Africa
Brimming with confidence Adam can't wait to prove how essential he is to the show, with one of our funniest, highest energy shows to date....


Ep. 83 - Petey Dat Boi Part DeTwo
Uptown cum boy petey deabreu fills in for stavros who got stuck in the fort mchenry tunnel after eating too much baklava...


Ep. 82 - Im just one man
i had to run uptown on business this morning and couldnt upload the episode on time. im sorry folks. one of these days ill be dead and the podcast wont upload at all. keep in mind that ill be dead soon. im going to die soon everyone...

Ep. 81 - Marquis of Queensbury
Patreon has reversed their decision to jack up prices on the customer end, in no small part due to my status as 1) tier one operator 2) financial maven. Cheers to everyone becoming rich off crypto this week. Please spend that money buying the premium episodes now that they're fairly priced again....

Ep. 80 - Weight of the world
From now on im only doing the show with my 140lb weight vest on, which I consider a battle treasure from my war with the post office, whomst refused to deliver it....



Ep. 77 - God damn i swear i uploaded this
I guess the form is fucked up and it just keeps refreshing? I dont know. anyhow there's more pedophile shit happening every day. we recorded this an hour before sheen raped haim and now we're behind another pedophile...

Ep. 75 - The Voice Of The Left
This is waht it sounds like (retarded guy voice) duh im the left lol. i go poo poo and pee pee. lol...


Ep. 73 - Late Night Boys
Another low energy night ep for those fans that enjoy it when we can't think of anything to talk about...


Ep. 71 - Bean reviews
black beans pinto beans pink beans. who the fuck is eating pink beans am i right? why wouldnt you choose a cooler bean. this is a sneak peak at some of the new stand up ive been working on....

Ep. 70 - I Ate bad fish
sorry i didn't upload this last night i think i ate fish that went bad and i had to lay down...

Ep. 69 - Valero Boss
You probably thought we had something big planned for episode 69 but the truth is i think 69/420 jokes aren't funny and they annoy me. Sorry to derail the episode description there but it's true. It's not a good joke. also it would have been cool if it synced up with 9/11. sike it wouldn't have. 9/11 was a huge tragedy and a lot of guys with mustaches like mine died...


Ep. 68 - Tech Savior
I made the show good again via the power of technology. This is how were gonna bring steve jobs back....

Ep. 67 - Los Secundos Episada De Hake FLorjes
Comedieja Jake Flores rejundo de ninos del Coume para un hora de chatasa abooto el meurto unfortunada de Rich Piana. Por que Rich muerta? Esta becasa he tengo steroids? No se. Esta becasa Rich viva la vida loca....

Ep. 66 - Oopsadoozio
I got so excited about stav being out of town I forgot to upload the episode. (in reality my comptuer did that "windows updating" shit where it decides you don't have any work to do for the next four hours and then windows comes back and it looks like the same old piece of shit windows it was before)...


Ep. 65 - Construction Boys
*sniff* yeah was doin drywall all day didn't have time to upload the pdocast. if u got a problem with it you can meet me in the home deep lot nex to the empanada truck. im the guatamalan guy wearing the blue flame beanieand the skateboarding spiderman hoodie....

Ep. 64 - Tier One
Sofrep combat operators only. Do NOT steal my valor or i WILL be tactically forced to officially fuck you up...

Ep. 63 - Scaramucci News Episode
we do an analysis of the new press officer Tony Scaramucci. usually we don't do the news on this show but this guy seems important so were gonna spend the hole episode talking about him because people are gonna want to know more about this guy. has anyone pointed out to me yet that hes italian. maybe you could be the first to do that...


Ep. 61 - Business Places
The boys name a couple of business that they remember going to but cant remember some of them. some of them went out of business. theres other stuff we mention i think. hechts was one of the places. i think there used to be a furniture store that had a name but i cant remember what the name of it was....

Ep. 60 - The Letter Boys
We get heavy into some alphabet shit on this one I think. I can't remember. Sorry, we're prerecording episodes again for this week until I'm back from my racist trip to San Diego for the Gender Binary Conference...


Ep. 59 - Marmaduke
Adam debut's his brand new bit, about the marmaduke comic, that definitely no one has said before. it's an original idea...

Ep. 57 - My Wonder Woman Review
I went to see the wonder woman movie with chapo. Theyre doing a review of the show. I did my own. Here's my take: it's gay. it gets three gays down....


Ep. 56 - The Resistance
I guess some Bernie Bro shot up the mayors offiice or some shit so we talk about it, political style....

Ep. 55 - Disclaimers
Coming in hot off a big week in n-word news, I distance myself from n-word using culture....

Ep. 54 - New Characters
Were debuting some new characters we've been working on - Gay Guy, mexican guy who is trying to go to the bathroom bu he cant because his dick is too small, Doctor Retard....


Ep. 53 - Adam's Fault
We had to redo this one. It was adam's fault. If you like weekend episodes though, the premium episodes (patreon.com/cumtown) are always uploaded on the weekend, except for when i forget to upload them, or when I delete the episode by accident...

Ep. 52 - Lisa's Feet
The last of the Cum Town West series. I go home tomorrow. It's over boys. We got through this....


Ep. 50 - Diversity Town
Cum Town West hosts Dana Bell and Jamel Johnson join me for a meandering conversation about television and amusement parks. I'm home in three weeks. Hang in there everyone....

Ep. 49 - The Hidden Episode
While looking through the SD card for this weeks episode I discovered a hidden gem - a prerecorded episode from weeks ago that i forgot about! I think i fell asleep during this one....

Ep. 48 - The Greatest Riff Of All Time
Sorry to all the non-premium listeners that missed out on last weeks episode. I'm burned out and didn't want to upload the episode. I hope I die soon. Anyhow we're back in full force, with what might be the best riff we've ever done on the show, all the way at the end of this episode. Stay tuned....


Ep. 46 - Vacations?
Andy Haynes joins us. I think he said something about going on vacation....

Ep. 45 - The Replacements
Scrambling for time, I tap Dana Bell and Jamel Johnson to replace Stav and Adam for a very special edition of Cum Town West. Theyre both POCs and one is a woman, which PROVEs that I am the president of the DSA and beyond reproach....


Ep. 43 - The REAL Original Cum Boys
My blood brother Jake Flores joins us to talk about how Adam and Stav replaced him as my best friend after he decided to move to Bushwick to be cool and fuck bike girls...

Ep. 42 - Will "Smith" Menaker
Wide dick will joins us again to chat about star trek. What's that? This episode is late you say? Actually, it's not asshole. It's called time zones and maybe I'm on god damn vacation....


Ep. 41 - Cum Town Live
The first ever Cum Town Live show at Caroline's on Broadway. It's basically the same format as Funny Moms (the live show we put up on Patreon) except I booked it and it's at Carolines so we use the name of the podcast instead of the name of Adam's gay ass show....

Ep. 40 - Valentimes
We have sex with each other on the show as a joke for valentines day. Get it. Like were dating haha. But its jsut a joke. It's okay to suck off your friends if you're doing it in a funny way...

Ep. 39 - Petey Dat Boi
Funny Moms favorite and Bronx favorite and Brooklyn Favorite and New York favorite Petey Dat Boy DeAbreu joins us and we prove once and for all that the podcast isn't racist....


Ep. 38 - Good Prison vs Bad Prison
BDF Big dick felix joins us and we try to remember Oz and why it was bad, and we talk about why prison wouldn't be that scary for guys like us. I'm still dying btw. I can't breathe. This is the end. Remember me as a broadcaster. Goodnight and good luck....

Ep. 37 - Goldust Wasn't Gay
I almost passed out during this one, luckily the boys kept things going with wrestling chat that I couldn't partcipate in due to both ignorance and medical problems. Please remember me as a Lenny Bruce type or maybe Carlin, thanks....

Ep. 36 - Goatee Era Seagal
We go real deep into the latest era of Seagal movies, And we have a sponsor now. Please give me feedback on the fact that we have ads now. Make sure to get mad at me about it. The premium episodes will always be ad free if it bothers you. I'm tired of everyone being mad at me. I just want to pay my fucking rent and waste money on dumb shit....


Ep. 35 - Cum Town Fires Back
We go in hard on Compound Media for kicking us out of the Anthony Cumia studios. Adam will personally fight any of the Staten Island salami-mongoloids that pay their bills...

Ep. 34 - We Gotta Get Rid Of The TV
Chapo Genius and all around good boy Wide Dick Willy Menaker joins us as we watch She's All That and slowly come to the realization that the TV is going to destroy the podcast....

Ep. 33 - Ugh. Wardell
I guess Brandon invited himself on the podcast again. I was too busy making smoothies to pay attention during this one. I'm sure he brought up some idiot vine star that a man his age (32) shouldn't be obsessing over, ironically or otherwise....


Ep. 32 - Crisis Averted
We almost didn't have an episode this week after I forgot to upload the podcast because I got really into Sicario. That movie is tight. It reminds me of my own experiences, as a tier one operator. I was also in 9/11. Merry Christmas everyone....

Ep. 31 - The Birthday Bitch
It's my birthday. Or it was my birthday. I'm old now, and I'm sick. And children have to respect me. And I'm allowed to be racist now because I'm old and I beat the Nazis....

Ep. 30 - Copycats
We covered a lot on this one. Lindy West. The new Apple products. Lindy again. I got a macbook. I really hate lindy. What the fuck is the Apple Watch anyways? It should be like one of those novelty clocks where every number just says "im gay"...


Ep. 29 - Customer Service
Coming hot off a poorly received premium episode, the boys save face by getting back to basics....

Ep. 28 - How Many Y'all Like Sex
I guess Adam and Stav don't know who Chris-Chan is somehow so I explain that to them for about 20 minutes or so. I don't know how anyone could not know who Chris Chan is. I got mad at myself early on for fucking up and not being able to remember a lot of details of mid-nineties television shows so I tanked the episode on purpose by being upset....

Ep. 27 - Adam's Last Stand
As the Patreon gets closer to $5000, Adam's days are numbered. We make him defend his position on the podcast by doing another episode where I try to remember the plot of certain movies and inevitably get a detail wrong that belies my own racism....


Ep. 26 - CONGRATULATIONS PRESIDENT HILLARY!!!!
The boys offer a big huge yas queen congrats to the slay queen herself who's going to inspire little girls everywhere to be yas queens. Actually its mostly the kind of drunken political commentary you can hear in the waiting area of a Jiffy Lube. Adam gets to talk a lot on this episode because he reads the news like a bitch....

Ep. 25 - Playing Pretend
The boys reminisce on playing pretend, old games we used to play as kids. This is about as sentimental as the show gets folks. Were trying to do more family retarded, uh excuse me i meant family RELATED content. I want to sell the podcast to Nick Jr. Teach five year olds how to say fuck and shit. And to be cool. To overcome autism and use it to hurt people....

Ep. 24 - Ghost Stories
We get super scary for holloween (the original spelling) and swap scary stories. Also Stav works out a new character to get back at the guy that hurt his feelings....


Ep. 23 - My New Drug Problem
Well I was up all night the other night to celebrate 3 years sober. Partied a little too hard and I was too tired to keep the energy going on this one. I think we all know we can't rely on Adam for that so this was another bad one. Mea culpa folks. I'm scarface now....

Ep. 22 - Ian's Shitty Impressions
Ian Fidance joins us and demonstrates why his career as an impressionist has failed. He wore the same shirt as me which was from a ramen place that doesn't sell shirts to people. Me and Ian have a bond; the kind that homosexual men are jealous of....

Ep. 21 - Hot Fresh Debate Instant Reaction
Wow, immediate presidential debate reactions. Can you believe this trump guy? The hillary woman also? Jeeze louise. What a debate. Or was it? All these questions and more, with our recurring guest, Amber Frost....


Ep. 20 - SD Tard
Oopsie damn daisy folks. Guess who 1) forgot to take the last episode off the SD card so this one got cut short at 51 minutes and 2) forgot to upload the episode like I jokingly said I would at the beginning of it. Amber (my roommate) is back on the podcast and this time we don't let adam ask her a bunch of gay shit about the news...

Ep. 19 - Rape Science
We get into some scientific stuff in this one. Ever hear of Bill Nye? Well imagine if he fucked. That's basically what this show is. about....

Ep. 18 - Je Suis Charlie
Honestly I've completely forgotten what we talked about on this one. I remember something about Charlie Hebdo. Mostly i was pissed that i had to take an uber to Stav's and the uber driver kept asking me bullshit questions. Its like motherfucker stop trying to be good at this job we all know it fucking sucks to drive for a ridesharing service....


Ep. 17 - Old Friends
I had to take a minute to cover some controversy that happened this week on facebook. I don't want to get into specifics but let's just say it involved a guy who may or may not be related to Seth Dickfield. Adam and stav wanted to bully me out of talking about it and they had nothing to discuss anyways so I feel like I came out the hero in this one....

Ep. 16 - Back In Business
After a week long hiatus the crew is back and it hasn't been a long enough vacation. Wardell joins us and screams into the microphone making it very hard to edit this episode. But its online now. We talk about a lot of the same stuff we've already covered on the podcast....

Ep. 15 - Another Girl Episode
Melissa stokoski joins us so I can yell about the aaron glaser rape thing with a woman in the room, which is how you get away with being problematic on the radio. I learned this from Ant....


Ep. 14 - Cum Town After Dark
Im fucking tired as shit and i hate hAVing to edit and upload this gay shit every week and write a description. We talked about the usual stuff I think. So it's racist. Oh and I forgot to include the audio but I beat stav in roast battle. Because I'm better than he is....

Ep. 13 - Just For Laughs Recap
Back from a hot week in Montreal - super hot, lots of good industry buzz about Cum Town - the boys figure out which race is the next to be genocided via truck. Another late episode folks. Sometimes life gets in the way you know? Sometimes you forget what day it is because you keep autisticly buying power tools....

Ep. 12 - Overconfidence
Coming in hot off last weeks killer episode with David Cross we'd thought it'd be nice to take it easy and wait till the last day possible before recording again. None of us did anything this weekend. I built a desk. I'm proud of it but you can't appreciate it over a podcast so I wasn't about to just describe the desk I built for an hour. Stav was late because he bought a sandwich....


Ep. 11 - David Cross
This is the David Cross episode. David Cross was the guest. Yes for real. No it's not a character. The real David Cross came on the show. We really broke comedy down with him, pro style. Solid interview. And its a day early because last weeks episode was a day late. David Cross...

Ep. 10 - Killing Garfield
Sorry for the delay everyone, i was actually busy at uh, the black people matter protests. I was protesting for black people so I didn't have time to upload this one, which was also delayed because Kurt Metzger rescheduled. Amber Frost (of the Baffler and some other places) joined in. Amber is cool but we wasted her insight by making her talk about gay shit that we like. We're gonna do a bonus episode this week to make up for it....

Ep. 9 - Technical Difficulties
(PLEASE REDOWNLOAD) Well this one's jammed packed with content folks. Jim Norton joined us for the first half, but then the second half of his episode got fucked up when I forgot to change the batteries in the four track. So our good friend Felix of Chapo Trapo House joined us and then I fucked up the second half while exporting it in Audition so please redownload this one....


Ep. 8 - The Eighth Episode
The 8th episode. We get really, really deep into this whole Brexit thing. Really insightful takes about Jeremy Corvair and Johnathan Primbles or whoever. And the guy with the hair. We had to use a conference room so theres an echo that makes this one almost unlistenable. Thanks....

Ep. 7 - Autism Powers
Our biggest celeb get yet: the entire cast of Austin Powers joins us to discuss online harassment after Jim Norton cancelled when he found out the name of the podcast. We discuss this elusive Dickfield character. And I think we mention that new Independence Day movie....

Ep. 6 - Not Soon Enough
The boys hold a special session, same as our usual time, to discuss the damn news this week. Adam returns, and he's not as bad this time....


Ep. 5 - Cum Angels
Ive had to type out this description nine times because the podcast host is fucked up and wont upload the episode and I'm not typing it out again. Bonnie was on, shes great. I want to go to sleep...

Ep. 4 - Beef Squashers
After some trouble in paradise, Adam is left as the only Cum Boy. Dickfield has a medical emergency, and Adam meets Dickfield's very outspoken cousin. Will Cum Town ever be the same? Find out on the final episode of America's Most Beloved Podcast...

Ep. 3 - The Sleepy Boys
Dan Soder (@DanSoder) is our first bonafide guest. He's got a real radio show on Sirius XM (the Bonfire), and he's on television folks (Billions, Showtime), but you can tell from our friendly rapport that he considers both me and Stav to be contemporaries, and by extension, also famous. Check out his new special on Comedy Central and buy his new album on iTunes....


Ep. 2 - Real Hip Hop
Live from Stav's office where they let us use one of the conference rooms, official Cum Boy Adam Friedland (@AdamFriedland) joins us to discuss cumming in his own face and why he can't cum on other faces now. We talk about how Muslims go to the bathroom (but not in a racist way), Youtube comments (in a racist way), Chaturbate, and Iran (also racist). Also includes a special appearance by New York comedian Seth Dickfield and other rude caricatures....

Ep. 1 - The Original Cum Boys
Cum Boys NYC Originals Nick and Stav sit down and start a podcast. This one is different than other podcasts where two guys talk about people you don't know. We get real dude. We take this shit seriously....