Dear Hank & John

Dear Hank & John Podcast

Hosts John and Hank Green (authors and YouTubers) offer both humorous and heartfelt advice about life’s big and small questions. They bring their personal passions to each episode by sharing the week’s news from Mars (the planet) and AFC Wimbledon (the third-tier English football club). WNYC Studios is a listener-supported producer of other leading podcasts including On the Media, Snap Judgment, Death, Sex & Money, Nancy and Here’s the Thing with Alec Baldwin. © WNYC Studios

The Still Escalators of Doom
Why are unmoving escalators so disconcerting? What do I do about the plant that died while I was house sitting? What should I tell people who think I'm moving to the worst place in the world? Should I tell my mom you're still alive? What condiment would your body dispense? How does iambic pentameter work? How do we know when we're deriving too much from art? How do I make friends in junior high? How do I talk my brother out of aspiring to be a YouTube star? John Green and Hank Green give advice! If you're ...

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If You Can't Put Your Mouth There... (with Andrew Levitt AKA Nina West!)
How should I act around my professor who is also my peer? Do the knobs on toasters control heat or time? How do I not get matching tattoos with my mom? Do you ever think about where all your hair is in the world? How can I be less judgmental? How should you display a sugar packet collection? How do I tell people who think I'm dead that I'm not dead? What should I do when I ring the doorbell and I'm not sure if I rang the doorbell? How should you respond to neck skin compliments? Are my new friends friends? ...

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If You Can't Put Your Mouth There... (with Andrew Levitt AKA Nina West!)
How should I act around my professor who is also my peer? Do the knobs on toasters control heat or time? How do I not get matching tattoos with my mom? Do you ever think about where all your hair is in the world? How can I be less judgmental? How should you display a sugar packet collection? How do I tell people who think I'm dead that I'm not dead? What should I do when I ring the doorbell and I'm not sure if I rang the doorbell? How should you respond to neck skin compliments? Are my new friends friends? ...

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Piggy Bank Toughness
Should I call this strange number back? What have I missed on the pod? Why are your faves your faves? Don't you need more than lemons for lemonade? How do I get the money out of this coin bank? Should I get bangs? Should I change my email address? Why do I get the urge to get my life together in the middle of the night? How do I make time pass in my stories? What is with that baseball song? John Green and Hank Green yell at clouds and give advice! If you're in need of dubious advice, email us at hankandjoh...

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Quiet, Subdued, and Possibly Illicit
How do I make this flesh-eating bacteria sound safe? How do I tell my housemate not to get a crockpot? Am I as unlikeable as the character I wrote? Does my friend live with a ghost? How did conspiracy theories spread before the internet? Why are the most-viewed vlogbrothers videos about giraffe sex? How do I stop my favorite movie from being my whole personality? How would fandoms respond to the apocalypse? John Green and Hank Green answer your questions from the Madison Museum of Contemporary Art, but shhh...

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Quiet, Subdued, and Possibly Illicit
How do I make this flesh-eating bacteria sound safe? How do I tell my housemate not to get a crockpot? Am I as unlikeable as the character I wrote? Does my friend live with a ghost? How did conspiracy theories spread before the internet? Why are the most-viewed vlogbrothers videos about giraffe sex? How do I stop my favorite movie from being my whole personality? How would fandoms respond to the apocalypse? John Green and Hank Green answer your questions from the Madison Museum of Contemporary Art, but shhh...

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Joy, Attention, Justice, Hips Don't Lie
What do I do with 15 pounds of cornbread? Where do song lyrics live in our brains? Why are we here? How did people get answers before Google? How often should I vacuum? Do wedding pianists get anxious? When are my vegetable plants ready? Can I skip the parts about farming in Anna Karenina? John Green and Hank Green answer your questions! Invest in AFC Wimbledon: https://www.seedrs.com/ If you're in need of dubious advice, email us at hankandjohn@gmail.com. Join us for monthly livestreams and an exclusive...

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Pants Clone
Where are the natural wheels? How do I make a conspiracy theorist understand that space exists? What are SEO tools? Should we market climate change better? Why are car horns so primitive? How do I confront my mortality compared to red curry paste? What do I do about the frog in the car? Are Tic Tacs food? John and Hank have answers! If you're in need of dubious advice, email us at hankandjohn@gmail.com. Join us for monthly livestreams and an exclusive weekly podcast at patreon.com/dearhankandjohn. Follow...

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Giant Stone Abraham Lincoln 2020
Can a sentient statue run for president? How do I attend a show solo? How can I be bougie enough for art frames? Could Elsa solve climate change? How can I not be a sobbing mess on my wedding day? Should I make a new ring for my dad? What should I do when I'm not sure if I know someone? Hank and John have answers! If you're in need of dubious advice, email us at hankandjohn@gmail.com. Join us for monthly livestreams and an exclusive weekly podcast at patreon.com/dearhankandjohn. Follow us on Twitter! twi...

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Only If You Got Enough Life Jackets
What is the setup for this joke? What's with people waving from boats? Why don't cartoons change their outfits? How do I tell someone I’ll be back but not RIGHT back? What is your self-care routine? How do I follow soccer? Where are all the Bob Ross paintings? Why are flies?? John and Hank have answers! If you're in need of dubious advice, email us at hankandjohn@gmail.com. Join us for monthly livestreams and an exclusive weekly podcast at patreon.com/dearhankandjohn. Follow us on Twitter! twitter.com/de...

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The Best of Dear Hank & John #2!
Over the last couple years, John and Hank have bestowed upon the world some true gems of advice and anecdotes. We compiled some favorites in one episode for you to enjoy! We'll be back with a regular episode next week, so if you're in need of dubious advice, email us at hankandjohn@gmail.com. Join us for monthly livestreams and an exclusive weekly podcast at patreon.com/dearhankandjohn. Follow us on Twitter! twitter.com/dearhankandjohn...

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No Ticket Out
What's with birthday cake flavor? How do we know where we are in space? Are we the last generation of humans? Is it safe to shower when the power is out? Can I be a dyslexic nerdfighter? What do I wear to a pirate-themed wedding? What is the physics of window air conditioners? How do I stop talking about things my friends don’t care about? John and Hank have answers! If you're in need of dubious advice, email us at hankandjohn@gmail.com. Join us for monthly livestreams and an exclusive weekly podcast at p...

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It's All About Empowerment! (w/ Jenny Owen Youngs!)
How do I promote myself? Are museums better explored individually or as a group? What should I do with memorabilia I don't intend to display? What do I do when someone's in my seat? How should Sincere sign off emails? Why do bugs die on their backs? How do we put less value in personality tests? Do mascots smile inside the suit when posing for pictures? Hank and Jenny from Buffering the Vampire Slayer answer your questions and remind you that you rock! If you're in need of dubious advice, email us at hanka...

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There Is Nothing You Are Not
How did they decide doorbells should go ding dong? How do I get my coworkers out of my personal life? Why does Hank have button-up jeans? How do you not worry that everything you write has been written before? What are the odds that I'm part pigeon? Why don't you see tons of stars when you're in space? Hank and John have answers! If you're in need of dubious advice, email us at hankandjohn@gmail.com. Join us for monthly livestreams and an exclusive weekly podcast at patreon.com/dearhankandjohn. Follow us...

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Fun with Bob and John!
What should I do with all these keys? How do I unrecommend a raunchy novel to my grandma? What's a good psychology team name? What is the most effective way to pull an all-nighter? What should I call my girlfriend's parents? Why are middle schoolers so terrifying? What do I do with all these tomatoes? Hank and John have advice! If you're in need of dubious advice, email us at hankandjohn@gmail.com. Join us for monthly livestreams and an exclusive weekly podcast at patreon.com/dearhankandjohn. The survey ...

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Fortunately, They Are Not Carnivores
How do I advance past the waving stage of acquaintanceship? What does one do at conferences? My friend based a character off of me but the character sucks? How do I get in my house if I'm locked out? From where does a giant African land snail poop? Can I have only one jacked arm? John and Hank have answers! If you're in need of dubious advice, email us at hankandjohn@gmail.com. Join us for monthly livestreams and an exclusive weekly podcast at patreon.com/dearhankandjohn. Follow us on Twitter! twitter.co...

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It's Like a Pool of Liver!
Why do I cry more easily as I get older? What is SPF? What are healthy methods to combat loneliness? What should do if I busted a hole in the wall while bonding with my sibling? How do I be less curt in texts and emails? Where does John consume his hot takes? How do I stop being bad at cooking? How would John and Hank have met if they weren’t brothers? How do I make this locker room my new home? John and Hank have answers! If you're in need of dubious advice, email us at hankandjohn@gmail.com. Join us for...

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Raised on a Yacht (w/ Vanessa Hill of BrainCraft!)
Vanessa Hill of BrainCraft joins Hank to answer your questions! Has it ever not been raining? Can I change my major if I have a scholarship? Should there be compulsory voting? How do I learn to ride a bike? What is tipping etiquette in the US? When is it my turn to watch TV? Can I take a blanket covered with pictures of me to college? Will the US claim Mars as a state? How does boxed mac and cheese work? For more Vanessa, check out youtube.com/braincraft! If you're in need of dubious advice, email us at h...

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The Engagement Duck
What is the dress code if there is no dress code? Where can I be anxious at work? What should I do with 72 tall vases? How can I avoid having to do dishes? How can I grow my own vegetables if the Sun is in the wrong place? How do I sort out my priorities? How do I tell my girlfriend's mother we aren't ready for a duck? Is there a polite way to ask someone to eat quietly? How and where should I conceal the dream rock? John and Hank have dubious advice! If you're in need of dubious advice, email us at hankan...

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The Top Three Best Things About Sneezing Underwater
How do I get people to remember who I am? What do I do about the Red Bull I spilled in a kid's backpack? How do I deal with my girlfriend's unaccepting parents? Does cold water boil faster than hot water? Which way should a staple face? Is it possible to sneeze underwater? What is the correct way to eat the bottom of a popsicle? How do I get out of being grounded? Can I bring my boyfriend to a thing even though it says "spouses only"? John and Hank are here to help! If you're in need of dubious advice, ema...

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Weird Statistics
Do a lot of people swerve? What constitutes black coffee? How do I make mac and cheese if I don't have milk? What is the rage/luck relationship when it comes to pennies? How do I find out my therapist's name? Should I give books to people who don't like to read? How should I deal with family drama? How do I get my charger back? Is it time to rip off the Band-Aid? John and Hank have (dubious) advice! If you're in need of dubious advice, email us at hankandjohn@gmail.com. Join us for monthly livestreams and...

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The Imperial Bridal March
What is the proper thing to do with abandoned table beer? What's the best way to spend time on trains? How do I move on when my favorite show ends? How do I sleep in without waking up with a backache? Should I have played "The Imperial March" at a wedding? Are you allowed to use the soap in another person's shower? Why do some carrots taste earthier than others? Why isn't there a Neptune Day? What should I do about Gavin's grass ideas? John and Hank have dubious advice! If you're in need of dubious advice,...

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The Uncle Mike Way of Life
How do I fairly distribute my hugs? Could black holes suck up the Earth? How do I change the way I walk? How can I support my stressed-out dad? What's the best way to receive negative performance reviews? What do I do if I vomit at work? Why don't ants die when they fall from heights? Who should play me in the movie of my life? John and Hank have (dubious) answers! The poem John mentions at the beginning of the episode is "The Palace" by Kaveh Akbar, found here. If you're in need of dubious advice, email ...

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The Morlon Wiley Way In
How do you open an envelope? How do companies turn attention into money? What's the deal with the itsy bitsy spider? And more! Get your signed desk sword!!! https://store.dftba.com/products/john-green-signed-desk-swords If you're in need of dubious advice, email us at hankandjohn@gmail.com. Join us for monthly livestreams and an exclusive weekly podcast at patreon.com/dearhankandjohn. Follow us on Twitter! twitter.com/dearhankandjohn...

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Time-Traveling Battle Axes
Who owns the bones? Why are American coins so confusing? Would dragon eggs have scales? And more! Follow us on Twitter! twitter.com/dearhankandjohn If you're in need of dubious advice, email us at hankandjohn@gmail.com. Join us for monthly livestreams and an exclusive weekly podcast at patreon.com/dearhankandjohn....

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Lady with the Time Piece (w/ Helen Zaltzman!)
How do you deal with saying something wrong publicly? How far does a squirrel's social sphere extend? Can I ask my friend questions about her surgery? And more! Thanks to Helen Zaltzman for being a temporary Green brother this week! Find more of Helen's work at helenzaltzman.com. Follow us on Twitter! twitter.com/dearhankandjohn If you're in need of dubious advice, email us at hankandjohn@gmail.com. Join us for monthly livestreams and an exclusive weekly podcast at patreon.com/dearhankandjohn....

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John's Subway Safety Procedures
How do you stay focused on one project for a long time? Should I tell this stranger to examine their zipper? Are there other kinds of ketchup? And more! Follow us on Twitter! twitter.com/dearhankandjohn If you're in need of dubious advice, email us at hankandjohn@gmail.com. Join us for monthly livestreams and an exclusive weekly podcast at patreon.com/dearhankandjohn....

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It’s All Hermeneutics to Me
Are our voices actually slightly deeper? What's going on with paperclips? How do I keep out the chickens? And more! Follow us on Twitter! twitter.com/dearhankandjohn If you're in need of dubious advice, email us at hankandjohn@gmail.com. Join us for monthly livestreams and an exclusive weekly podcast at patreon.com/dearhankandjohn....

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Comforting Existential Crises (w/ Jana Hisham!)
When are you too old to read YA? How do you get lost in a healthy way? Are there entire civilizations on the bottom of the ocean? And more! Check out Jana's YouTube channel: youtube.com/aFriendlyArab This episode was recorded live at VidCon London 2019! If you're in need of dubious advice, email us at hankandjohn@gmail.com. Join us for monthly livestreams and an exclusive weekly podcast at patreon.com/dearhankandjohn....

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The Bird Thunderdome (w/ Katherine Green!)
How do I win the bird hospitality battle? Are the keys part of the car? How do I get better at creative writing? And more! You can listen to more Hank & Katherine in Delete This! If you're in need of dubious advice, email us at hankandjohn@gmail.com! Join us for monthly livestreams and an exclusive weekly podcast at patreon.com/dearhankandjohn....

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The Queen's Dream Job (w/ Danielle Bainbridge!)
Should I pretend to dislike my sister? How do I not put too much pressure on my dream job? How much salt does it take to mummify a person? And more! Keep learning from Danielle in Origin of Everything! If you're in need of dubious advice, email us at hankandjohn@gmail.com! Join us for monthly livestreams and an exclusive weekly podcast at patreon.com/dearhankandjohn....

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Snack Man! (Live at PodCon!)
How do I propose to my girlfriend if I can't get down on one knee? How do I get rid of a bad nickname? Should I cause chaos? And more!   This episode was recorded live at PodCon 2 in Seattle, WA. If you're in need of dubious advice, email us at hankandjohn@gmail.com! Join us for monthly livestreams and an exclusive weekly podcast at patreon.com/dearhankandjohn....

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Gum Influencers
How do I know if I'm being a know-it-all? How do we survive the 2020 presidential election? At what point does a flying fish become a swimming bird? And more! If you're in need of dubious advice, email us at hankandjohn@gmail.com! Join us for monthly livestreams and an exclusive weekly podcast at patreon.com/dearhankandjohn....

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The Celebrity Life Coaches of Your Dreams
Should penguins go to Mars? Why do we chew rubber? Is this frantic, indecisive squirrel okay? And more! If you're in need of dubious advice, email us at hankandjohn@gmail.com! Join us for monthly livestreams and an exclusive weekly podcast at patreon.com/dearhankandjohn....

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Burn It All!!!!
What should I put in my journal? Should I sign a card for someone I don't know? What do I do when strangers tell me my shoes are untied? And more! If you're in need of dubious advice, email us at hankandjohn@gmail.com! Join us for monthly livestreams and an exclusive weekly podcast at patreon.com/dearhankandjohn....

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The Mysterious "Stolen" Car
Am I too old to race down hotel hallways? Is there a stranger in my attic? How do you make plans with a subgroup of friends? And more! If you're in need of dubious advice, email us at hankandjohn@gmail.com! Join us for monthly livestreams and an exclusive weekly podcast at patreon.com/dearhankandjohn....

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My Ghost Date, Timothy
What should I do at prom by myself? Can ghosts ride in cars? How do you end a voicemail? And more! If you're in need of dubious advice, email us at hankandjohn@gmail.com! Join us for monthly livestreams and an exclusive weekly podcast at patreon.com/dearhankandjohn....

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Get in Touch with Your Glitter Side
How do I stop receiving so many Peeps? Why do I have to sneeze immediately after I put on mascara? How do I use a bus? And more! If you're in need of dubious advice, email us at hankandjohn@gmail.com! Join us for monthly livestreams and an exclusive weekly podcast at patreon.com/dearhankandjohn....

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Our Pasta-Making Robot Overlords
What do I do when all my friends hang out without me? Are beans basically small potatoes? How do you smuggle a swan internationally? And more! If you're in need of dubious advice, email us at hankandjohn@gmail.com! Join us for monthly livestreams and an exclusive weekly podcast at patreon.com/dearhankandjohn....

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You Can Trust Us, We're Aliens
How do I teach a class I know almost nothing about? What if humans had tails? Why can’t you walk through a drive-through? And more! If you're in need of dubious advice, email us at hankandjohn@gmail.com! Join us for monthly livestreams and an exclusive weekly podcast at patreon.com/dearhankandjohn. Get your PodCon tickets at podcon.com!...

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A Perpetual Christmas Civilization That Orbits the Sun
Why do we put people on pedestals? How can I get better at mornings? What should I hide under the floorboards? And more! If you're in need of dubious advice, email us at hankandjohn@gmail.com! Join us for monthly livestreams and an exclusive weekly podcast at patreon.com/dearhankandjohn. Get your PodCon tickets at podcon.com!...

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All of Them, Including LinkedIn
Where did all the websites go? How do you solve a problem like Maria? What's my brand? And more! If you're in need of dubious advice, email us at hankandjohn@gmail.com! Check out our other podcasts in the WNYC Studios network, SciShow Tangents and The Anthropocene Reviewed. Join us for monthly livestreams and an exclusive weekly podcast at patreon.com/dearhankandjohn....

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A Song Called Shhh
What should I do about the accordion player outside? Should I take a trip to a strange city by myself? How do I get in the secular Christmas spirit? And more! There are still perks available on the Project for Awesome Indiegogo! Get yours at projectforawesome.com/donate. If you're in need of dubious advice, email us at hankandjohn@gmail.com! Check out our other podcasts in the WNYC Studios network, SciShow Tangents and The Anthropocene Reviewed. Join us for monthly livestreams and an exclusive weekly po...

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Do Not Enter the Secret Room
Why are human babies so useless? What's with Ohio's salad crackers? Why can't I use an umbrella in the snow? And more! If you're in need of dubious advice, email us at hankandjohn@gmail.com! Check out our other podcasts in the WNYC Studios network, SciShow Tangents and The Anthropocene Reviewed. Join us for monthly livestreams and an exclusive weekly podcast at patreon.com/dearhankandjohn....

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We're Gonna Make It
What would it feel like to be microwaved? How do I get my dad to chill on Facebook? How do I confront my roommate about the ferret oatmeal baths? And more! If you're in need of dubious advice, email us at hankandjohn@gmail.com! Check out our other podcasts in the WNYC Studios network, SciShow Tangents and The Anthropocene Reviewed. Join us for monthly livestreams and an exclusive weekly podcast at patreon.com/dearhankandjohn....

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The Kurt Vonnegut Special
How much money should I ask for? How do I talk to my crush? Will climate change make mountains shorter? And more! If you're in need of dubious advice, email us at hankandjohn@gmail.com! Check out our other podcasts in the WNYC Studios network, SciShow Tangents and The Anthropocene Reviewed. Join us for monthly livestreams and an exclusive weekly podcast at patreon.com/dearhankandjohn....

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A Man's Man's Guide to Potassium
How do I convince my boyfriend not to grow a mullet? What do I do with this small, hot towel? Should I destroy my sad friend in Words with Friends? John and Hank have answers to this and more! Check out our other podcasts in the WNYC Studios network, SciShow Tangents and The Anthropocene Reviewed. Email us: hankandjohn@gmail.com Join us for monthly livestreams and an exclusive weekly podcast at patreon.com/dearhankandjohn....

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Hello from Hank and John!
Hosts Hank and John Green (authors and YouTubers) offer both humorous and heartfelt advice about life’s big and small questions. They bring their personal passions to each episode by sharing the week’s news from Mars (the planet) and AFC Wimbledon (the third-tier English football club)....

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The Fault in Our Mars
What tricks can babies do? Should I become a space lawyer? Did I let a guy steal my car? And more! Email us: hankandjohn@gmail.com patreon.com/dearhankandjohn...

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Your Dabbing Uncle Hank
At what point do I fail? What should I do while I'm waiting to be sawed in half? Should I eat the fungus? And more! Email us: hankandjohn@gmail.com patreon.com/dearhankandjohn...

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You Are Not My Bus
Where should I look when I'm talking to someone? Will aliens ride our roller coasters when we're all dead? Should guests help do the dishes? And more! Email us: hankandjohn@gmail.com patreon.com/dearhankandjohn...

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The Horrifying Five-Tined Fork
How do I get out of this maze? What do I do with this cello? When will I stop having to call my mom to help me figure out life? And more! Email us: hankandjohn@gmail.com patreon.com/dearhankandjohn We're now on Twitter! Follow us at twitter.com/dearhankandjohn....

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President Alligator
Why do people hate raisins? Is U2 a boy band? How do I make friends with the people I work with? And more! Email us: hankandjohn@gmail.com patreon.com/dearhankandjohn...

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It's My Soundtrack! (w/ Rosianna Halse Rojas!)
Should I treasure my books more? Can I learn to sleep standing up like a horse? Does everyone have an eighties disco playing in their head? And more! Email us: hankandjohn@gmail.com patreon.com/dearhankandjohn Find Rosianna: YouTube Make Out With Him Twitter...

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There Is a Diversity of Opinions Among the People Who Drive This Car
How can I avoid having to dress up for Halloween? What do you do when your friends make fun of your friend? How do I artfully display my rib? And more! Email us: hankandjohn@gmail.com patreon.com/dearhankandjohn...

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Drunk Fruit Squirrels
Can I wear my Tuesday shirt on other days? How do I give advice that doesn't hurt feelings but is still helpful? Did I steal this plant? And more! Email us: hankandjohn@gmail.com patreon.com/dearhankandjohn...

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You're Doing Great (w/ Tessa Violet!)
What do I do when I'm asked to lie to children? Should I tell my boss I'm obsessed with her famous son? Why is Dodie so much better at stuff than I am? And more! Check out Tessa on YouTube and wherever you get your music! Email us: hankandjohn@gmail.com patreon.com/dearhankandjohn...

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Perfectly Normal Art Projects (w/ Sarah Urist Green!)
Can I use being an artist as an excuse for being weird? How do museum benches work? What is the best advice a parent can give their child? And more! Email us: hankandjohn@gmail.ocm patreon.com/dearhankandjohn Thank you to Audible for sponsoring this episode! Audible is offering listeners a free audiobook with a 30-day trial membership. Go to audible.com/dearhank or audible.com/dearjohn, or text “dearhank" or "dearjohn” to 500-500 to get started today....

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Thank You, Hot Fries!!
Are we living in a simulation? Are there other types of teeth? What should I do with this bowl? And more! Email us: hankandjohn@gmail.com patreon.com/dearhankandjohn...

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Dapper Dudes
How do I tell my boyfriend he's beautiful? Can I talk to my cousin's ex? How do I figure out my music taste? And more! Email us: hankandjohn@gmail.com patreon.com/dearhankandjohn The PodCon 2 campaign ends soon! Support it here!...

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Spicy Limes
What should I do with this tooth? How do I keep a secret? How do I get out of the shadow of my parents’ triumphs? And more! Email us: hankandjohn@gmail.com patreon.com/dearhankandjohn PodCon 2 is happening!...

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Let's Be Mermaids
Where would you put an extra eye? How do I survive at home alone? Why is underwear a pair? And more! Email us: hankandjohn@gmail.com patreon.com/dearhankandjohn Thanks to HelloFresh for sponsoring this episode! For $30 off your first week of HelloFresh, go to hellofresh.com/dearhank or hellofresh.com/dearjohn and enter code dearhank or dearjohn....

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Hiding Nuts
Why is there no $25 bill? What happens to a person’s consciousness when they're teleported? What does space smell like? And more! Email us: hankandjohn@gmail.com patreon.com/dearhankandjohn PodCon 2 is happening! Check out the Indiegogo campaign here....

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Celebrities on a Plane
Should I tell my boyfriend he has a fandom? What do you do in a non-reciprocal high five situation? Why are football scarves so short? And more! Email us: hankandjohn@gmail.com patreon.com/dearhankandjohn Thanks to Brilliant for sponsoring this episode! Head to brilliant.org/dearhank or brilliant.org/dearjohn and sign up for free. The first 200 people who go to those links will get 20% off their annual Premium subscription....

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Skate with Snakes
How did people tell time before clocks? Should I go to a thing just to avoid FOMO? How do I deal with popsicle haters? And more! Email us: hankandjohn@gmail.com patreon.com/dearhankandjohn Thank you to Audible for sponsoring this episode! Audible is offering listeners a free audiobook with a 30-day trial membership. Go to audible.com/dearhank or audible.com/dearjohn, or text “dearhank" or "dearjohn” to 500-500 to get started today....

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Wait to Panic
What should I do with the ends of bread? How do you know when you get to the end of the galaxy? How did they livestream the lunar landing? And more! Email us: hankandjohn@gmail.com patreon.com/dearhankandjohn Thanks to HelloFresh for sponsoring this episode! For $30 off your first week of HelloFresh, go to hellofresh.com/dearhank or hellofresh.com/dearjohn and enter code dearhank or dearjohn....

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Great, Robust Berries (w/ Jenny Lawson!)
What is your innocuous life curse? What should I read when I've outgrown YA? How do I survive without my coping mechanism? And more! Email us: hankandjohn@gmail.com patreon.com/dearhankandjohn Thanks to Brilliant for sponsoring this episode! Head to brilliant.org/dearhank or brilliant.org/dearjohn and sign up for free. The first 200 people who go to those links will get 20% off their annual Premium subscription....

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Eleven Peas
Are there any good billionaires? How do I get better at contracts? What are the rules of doctor-patient small talk? And more! Email us: hankandjohn@gmail.com patreon.com/dearhankandjohn Thanks to Simple Contacts for sponsoring this episode! Get $30 off your contacts at simplecontacts.com/dearhank or simplecontacts.com/dearjohn, or enter code dearhank or dearjohn at checkout....

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Don't Harsh on My Yums
Why do people like ant colonies? What do I do about customers who come in right before close? Where do bugs go when it rains? And more! Email us: hankandjohn@gmail.com patreon.com/dearhankandjohn Thanks to Brilliant for sponsoring this episode! The first 200 people to sign up at brilliant.org/dearhank or brilliant.org/dearjohn get 20% off their annual Premium subscription....

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Gretel's Instagram Regrets (w/ How to ADHD!)
Am I accidentally a horrible person? What should I do with 1,000 business cards? How do I not break my grandmother's heart? And more! Email us: hankandjohn@gmail.com patreon.com/dearhankandjohn Thanks to Jessica and Edward of How to ADHD for joining the pod today!...

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The Spoon in the Road
How often should I try new food places? How do you break up with someone without crushing them? What's the best way to greet a new neighbor? And more! Email us: hankandjohn@gmail.com patreon.com/dearhankandjohn Thanks to Skillshare for sponsoring this episode! Get 2 months of Skillshare for just 99 cents by going to skillshare.com/dearhank or skillshare.com/dearjohn....

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What If the Moon Was One of Us
What should I spend my birthday money on? Is hope a dinosaur? What do I do with 23 plastic molds of my teeth? And more! Email us: hankandjohn@gmail.com patreon.com/dearhankandjohn Get your Snappy the T. rex shirt here: https://store.dftba.com/products/snappy-the-t-rex-shirt Thank you to Audible for sponsoring this episode! Audible is offering listeners a free audiobook with a 30-day trial membership. Go to audible.com/dearhank or audible.com/dearjohn, or text “dearhank" or "dearjohn” to 500-500 to get s...

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Snappy the T. rex
Do dead bodies get sunburned? How do you science a baby? Who were the first fans? And more! Take our survey! Your feedback helps us out a lot: https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/dhjsurvey2018 Email us: hankandjohn@gmail.com patreon.com/dearhankandjohn...

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Manhole & Me
Why am I in Seattle? Why are bricks stacked that way in walls? Is nihilism hilarious? And more! Email us: hankandjohn@gmail.com patreon.com/dearhankandjohn...

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Wake Up Canadian
What should I wear to Hamilton? If you work a four-day week, do you still get a hump day? Are books a distorted mirror? And more! Email us: hankandjohn@gmail.com patreon.com/dearhankandjohn Thanks to Squarespace for sponsoring this episode! Head to Squarespace.com for a free trial, and when you’re ready to launch, use the offer code DEARHANK or DEARJOHN to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain....

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Danger Noodles and Little Boops (w/ Emily Graslie!)
How do you throw away a trash can? Which animals have the most awkward adolescent phase? Are humans an invasive species? And more! Email us: hankandjohn@gmail.com patreon.com/dearhankandjohn...

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The Millennial Avocadome
Are rocks actually soft? What are Pop-Tarts? My boyfriend's ex is dating my ex??? And more!...

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Fork Bouquet
What should I do with all these plastic forks? At what age do you grow out of regret? Do ants sleep? And more! Email us: hankandjohn@gmail.com patreon.com/dearhankandjohn...

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Schrödinger's Floor
Why do we need constant mental stimuli? How do I clean my room? Can I still be friends with my ex's family? And more! Email us: hankandjohn@gmail.com patreon.com/dearhankandjohn Thank you to Audible for sponsoring this episode! Audible is offering listeners a free audiobook with a 30-day trial membership. Go to audible.com/dearhank or audible.com/dearjohn, or text “dearhank" or "dearjohn” to 500-500 to get started today....

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Space War Fears
How do I handle the surprise baby hamsters? Can I take things from someone else's shopping cart? Are we all gonna die in a space war? And more! Email us: hankandjohn@gmail.com patreon.com/dearhankandjohn This episode is sponsored by Squarespace! Head to Squarespace.com for a free trial, and use the offer code DEARHANK or DEARJOHN to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain....

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The LaCroix Boix
How much sand is there? How do I unfriend the murder? How does one finance baby? And more! Email us: hankandjohn@gmail.com patreon.com/dearhankandjohn...

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The Worst Guest Books
Am I not invited to my aunt's wedding? Do I tell my friend I clogged their toilet? Is there an Olympic Hall of Urine? And more! Email us: hankandjohn@gmail.com patreon.com/dearhankandjohn ROLF: https://store.dftba.com/products/rolf...

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AARTcoin
Are hitchhiker ants okay? How do I tell my parents I want to study economics? Who is responsible for calling back after a dropped call? And more! Email us: hankandjohn@gmail.com patreon.com/dearhankandjohn Thanks to RXBAR for sponsoring this episode! For 25% off your first order, visit RXBAR.com/dearjohn or RXBAR.com/dearhank and enter "dearjohn" or "dearhank" at checkout. You Will Be Able to Say a Thousand Words: https://astoundingmagic.com/collections/books/products/you-will-be-able-to-say-a-thousand-...

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How to Befriend a Crow
Should I follow my dreams of having strange animal friends? What would happen if I pee in this humidifier? Is it disrespectful to look at someone while they yawn? And more! Email us: hankandjohn@gmail.com patreon.com/dearhankandjohn Thanks to Squarespace for sponsoring this episode! Go to squarespace.com for a free trial, and use the offer code DEARHANK or DEARJOHN to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain....

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The Space Alien Orange Peel Health Craze
Should I spend prom at Target or break up my friends? How does Legolas never run out of arrows? What would happen if all plants ceased to exist? And more! Email us: hankandjohn@gmail.com patreon.com/dearhankandjohn Some things mentioned: The Anthropocene Reviewed: https://soundcloud.com/theanthropocenereviewed An Absolutely Remarkable Thing: hankgreen.com Eons: youtube.com/eons Scatterbrained: youtube.com/mentalflossvideo...

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Book Hangovers (w/ Sarah Urist Green!)
How do people love reading when it hurts? How do you make friends in art class? How do you proceed after accidentally slow dancing with someone? And more! Email us: hankandjohn@gmail.com patreon.com/dearhankandjohn Thanks to HelloFresh for sponsoring this episode! For $30 off your first week of HelloFresh, go to hellofresh.com and enter dearhank or dearjohn....

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Liars and Litterers and Thieves
Can I hoard stolen goods? How do I make sure I don't become a racist? How do I get cookies? And more! Email us: hankandjohn@gmail.com patreon.com/dearhankandjohn Hank's book is available for preorder! Learn more at hankgreen.com. This episode is sponsored by Backblaze! Backblaze provides unlimited cloud backup for Macs and PCs for just $5/month. Check it out at backblaze.com/dearhank or backblaze.com/dearjohn....

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The Incredible Glamorous Hulk
How do fish get into lakes? How do I stay aware of things without giving them views? Do aliens communicate with sign language? And more! Thank you to Audible for sponsoring this episode! Audible content includes an unmatched selection of audiobooks, original audio shows, news, comedy, and more. They're offering listeners a free audiobook with a 30-day trial membership. Go to audible.com/dearhank or audible.com/dearjohn to download a title free and start listening. You can also text dearhank or dearjohn to 5...

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The Last Brand Deal
Am I too young to be self-supervised? Can I throw away my dead grandmother's sponges? How do I make a personal retirement PowerPoint for Rick? And more! Email us: hankandjohn@gmail.com patreon.com/dearhankandjohn...

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Every Plum Has Its Thorn
What is the point of love if it always ends? How do I scream? How do I stop a surprise avian ring delivery? And more! Email us: hankandjohn@gmail.com patreon.com/dearhankandjohn...

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Snake Cuddle Time
How do I memorize all the birds? Should I join the Navy? How do you eat trail mix? And more! Email us: hankandjohn@gmail.com patreon.com/dearhankandjohn...

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Water Is Dry (w/ Greg Miller!)
Why don't I have a lifelong friend? How can I become ruler of everyone with my name? What are snails trying to flee?? And more! Email us: hankandjohn@gmail.com patreon.com/dearhankandjohn...

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Heavy Baby Bib! (w/ Alex Goldman!)
What counts as significant change? How do you know who you're supposed to buy presents for? Is it weird to let someone know you're thinking of them? And more! Email us: hankandjohn@gmail.com patreon.com/dearhankandjohn...

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Lightsaber Your Tiny House (w/ Katherine Green!)
What do you do with cereal dust? What happens if kid doesn't like dog? How did cave people cut their fingernails? And more! Email us: hankandjohn@gmail.com patreon.com/dearhankandjohn...

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Do Not Enter the Craft Fort! (w/ Caitlin Hofmeister!)
How do you surprise loved ones in small apartments? What is the line between archaeology and grave robbing? What is the appropriate time to get into the Christmas season? And more! Email us: hankandjohn@gmail.com patreon.com/dearhankandjohn...

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Semi-Immortal 35-Year-Olds on Mars
What is the smallest part of the body you can be a doctor in? Why do we rub our eyes when we're tired? How do I turn my imagination off long enough to sleep? And more! Email us: hankandjohn@gmail.com patreon.com/dearhankandjohn...

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Confused About Batman
Over the last month, Hank and John have been on the road going to cities all across America. Every stop, they did a short episode of Dear Hank and John, and some of those got recorded. Then Hank edited some of the best of those moments into this podcast. How do I promote my guinea pig's Instagram? Is it cold in space? When did you first feel successful? And Many Other Questions Answered!​ Email us: hankandjohn@gmail.com patreon.com/dearhankandjohn...

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Aardvarks with Guns
Is outer space full of vampires? Am I engaged? Why haven't our mouths evolved to be better at pumpkin spice lattes? And more! Email us: hankandjohn@gmail.com patreon.com/dearhankandjohn...

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Toaster Is a Wolf to Dog
Where does candle wax go? Can you just switch where you're sitting one day? Does saying "I love you" eventually lose its meaning? And more! Email us: hankandjohn@gmail.com patreon.com/dearhankandjohn...

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Omagles All the Way Down
How do I get in on my neighbor's cranberry bread? How do I live in a very small room? Who's responsible for the divider in a checkout line? And more! Email us: hankandjohn@gmail.com patreon.com/dearhankandjohn...

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One and Less Extra Bone
Where does all the extra body come from? Why are grapefruits called grapefruits? Is it acceptable to talk about social media in real life? And more! Email us: hankandjohn@gmail.com patreon.com/dearhankandjohn...

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The Catastrophizing Kindergarten Teacher
How do I stop whistling? How do you not get burned out? How do I get rid of a death zit? And more! Email us: hankandjohn@gmail.com patreon.com/dearhankdandjohn...

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We Would All Be Flounders
What do I say to my blind date? How do I get my mom to call me less frequently? Are you supposed to ask a father for his daughter's hand in marriage? And more! Email us: hankandjohn@gmail.com patreon.com/dearhankandjohn...

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skREvEL!
Why do I feel safer with the lights on? Why can't my bathtub be in my living room? Am I in danger of being electrocuted? And more! Turtles All the Way Down tour: http://www.turtlesallthewaydownbook.com/#tour Email us: hankandjohn@gmail.com patreon.com/dearhankandjohn...

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Cannibal Mermaids
How far can you get making only right turns? What's the proper response to being constantly serenaded? Does fire have mass? And more! Email us: hankandjohn@gmail.com patreon.com/dearhankandjohn...

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Fancy Diving
Is cake salty? How do I get alone time at a party without a cigarette? Where is the rest of An Imperial Affliction? And more! Email us: hankandjohn@gmail.com patreon.com/dearhankandjohn...

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Dove Quivering
Why am I afraid of something I know doesn’t exist? Can I avoid scurvy by sticking my arm in a giant vat of orange juice? What is proper etiquette for a cat birthday party? And more! Get 10% off your first purchase by going to hover.com/dearhank or hover.com/dearjohn Email us: hankandjohn@gmail.com patreon.com/dearhankandjohn...

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There Are No Boxes (w/ Gaby Dunn!)
What is a mug without a handle? When's the right time to get a Saturn tattoo? Should I come out when I'm not ready? And more! Email us: hankandjohn@gmail.com patreon.com/dearhankandjohn...

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The Friend Bucket
Could you take down a coyote with your arms? Should people be allowed to put things in someone else's Netflix queue? How do I cope with social anxiety? And more! Email us: hankandjohn@gmail.com patreon.com/dearhankandjohn...

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Knit like a Mofo
What would happen if all mosquitoes die? What do I do about my surprise YouTube celebrity boyfriend? What's the truth about John Lennon's "Imagine"? And more! Email us: hankandjohn@gmail.com patreon.com/dearhankandjohn...

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100th Episode Extravaganza Spectacular!!!
Who was the first joshing Josh? Do bugs understand glass? How do I learn to chill? And more! probablysignedturtles.com Email us: hankandjohn@gmail.com patreon.com/dearhankandjohn...

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A Fusing of the Hair
What do I do if my spouse wants to shave his head? Why are there birds at the airport? What if I'm not as well read as my boyfriend? And more! Email us: hankandjohn@gmail.com patreon.com/dearhankandjohn...

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An Army of Burrito Children (w/ Dodie Clark!)
How do you deal with the dissipation of your future plans? Should I tell my parents I met my boyfriend on Tinder? How do I succeed if I'm not a go-getter? And more! Email us: hankandjohn@gmail.com patreon.com/dearhankandjohn...

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Lemon Salty Whales
When should I introduce my kid to Star Wars? Can I dislike parts of my life even though I have privilege? How did humans start swimming? And more! Email us: hankandjohn@gmail.com patreon.com/dearhankandjohn...

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Next Level Laziness
If you put in work to be lazy, is it still laziness? Does Lin Manuel Miranda listen to Hamilton for funzies? At what point are you supposed to put water on a toothbrush? And more! Email us: hankandjohn@gmail.com patreon.com/dearhankandjohn...

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Lawn Care Vigilantism
What should my fun fact about me be? How do Christians and non-Christians get along? Am I too old to listen to this podcast? And more! Email us: hankandjohn@gmail.com patreon.com/dearhankandjohn...

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Pocket Conspiracy Theories (w/ Matthew Gaydos!)
Is Hank a reptilian-human hybrid? How do I grieve and also be there for my students? What do you do when you do something terrible by accident? And more! Email us: hankandjohn@gmail.com patreon.com/dearhankandjohn...

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Nothing Fits on a Bumper Sticker
Can a writer mess with science for poetic purposes? If you enjoy Narnia, would you enjoy The Fountainhead? Is there a right social construct to teach? And more!...

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Cewebrity
Should I contact the guy who owns the plane on which I was born? Are art and content different? Does it matter that the guy I'm dating has a six pack while I eat a lot of tacos? And more! PodCon! https://www.indiegogo.com/projects/podcon-podcast/x/1883440#/ Email us: hankandjohn@gmail.com patreon.com/dearhankandjohn...

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Everything Is Everything (w/ Mayim Bialik!)
Why do I like the smell of gasoline? What should I do about my racist boss? What is the clothes fastener technology in Star Wars? And more! Email us: hankandjohn@gmail.com patreon.com/dearhankandjohn...

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Glitter Soul
Are you really in the clear with liquor before beer? Should I embrace the error on my birth certificate? Does it really matter where I go to college? And more! Email us: hankandjohn@gmail.com Patreon: patreon.com/dearhankandjohn...

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A Rich Guy with an Affinity for Bats
Is Batman a superhero? How do I claim an island as my own? Is there a "no politics" rule in dating? And more! Email us: hankandjohn@gmail.com...

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Hank's Profound Graduation Speech
Why do rich people like golf so much? What color is the sky on Mars? How much do I need to fact-check news before I share it? Where are bird ears??? And more! Email us: hankandjohn@gmail.com...

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The Future Is Gonna Rule
How do I develop a cool signature? How do I tell my dad I've been hiding a snake for several months? Is it acceptable to shout advice at strangers? And more! Email us: hankandjohn@gmail.com...

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This Week in Ryans
Do taller people have bigger organs? Are more expensive clothes actually better? Is there a secular way to say you're "praying" for someone? And more! Email us: hankandjohn@gmail.com...

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Stay Gold, Potaterson
What should my motto be? What vegetable is happiness? When is enough really enough? And more! Email us: hankandjohn@gmail.com...

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Live from NerdCon: Nerdfighteria!
Where are all the fireflies? What is "the spark"? Was Alexander Hamilton or Sirius Black a bigger drama queen? And more!...

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There's No Rock and Roll on Mars
Is the Big Bang really a thing? Does the driver or the passenger get to pick the music? What if someone gets pregnant on Mars? And more! Email us: hankandjohn@gmail.com...

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Where There Was Previously Nothing
How long until everyone is related to Beyoncé? When does parenting stop sucking? How can I help the world without being rich? And more! NerdCon: Nerdfighteria: www.nerdconnerdfighteria.com/ Email your questions: hankandjohn@gmail.com...

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Always Making Progress Forever
Can you separate the artist from the work? How do bugs survive microwaves? Will we ever be a perfectly unified planet? And more! Sarah's cookies! https://digitalcookie.girlscouts.org/scout/sarah755035 NerdCon: Nerdfighteria: www.nerdconnerdfighteria.com/ Email your questions: hankandjohn@gmail.com...

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Life Is Hard and Also Has Good Things
What are the top ten kinds of spoons? Why do boys kiss like dying fish? What would happen if we lost gravity for fifteen seconds? And more! NerdCon: Nerdfighteria: www.nerdconnerdfighteria.com/ Email your questions: hankandjohn@gmail.com...

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Tiny Useless Pelvises (That Are Still There)
How nice do you have to be at the grocery store? How do we know humans didn't come from Mars? What is sound even? And more! NerdCon: Nerdfighteria: www.nerdconnerdfighteria.com/ Email your questions: hankandjohn@gmail.com...

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Being Sure
How do I stop catfishing someone? How do I not feel embarrassed sharing my writing? Should I DIY my shirt? And more! NerdCon: Nerdfighteria: www.nerdconnerdfighteria.com/ Email your questions: hankandjohn@gmail.com...

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Save Us, Giant Octopus
Should you always imagine people complexly? Would constellations be different on Mars? How many trees would you have to plant to offset your carbon footprint? And more!...

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The Best of Dear Hank & John
A look back on some of the most memorable moments in the history of the pod! Featuring: Jurassic Mars, Ryan, OH MY GOD IT'S BURNING, John's atrocious cereal eating habits, pumpkins and penguins, the long con, and more! NerdCon: Nerdfighteria: www.nerdconnerdfighteria.com/ Email your questions: hankandjohn@gmail.com...

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The Nutrient Coconut Milk of Sin (w/ Katherine Green!)
Who does my cat think I am? Is listening to music a waste of time? Should we get a new coconut? And more! NerdCon: Nerdfighteria: www.nerdconnerdfighteria.com/ Email your questions: hankandjohn@gmail.com...

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The Kindness Muscle
How do I deal with finals stress? What building would you haunt? How do I teach my kid not to bully? And more! NerdCon: Nerdfighteria: www.nerdconnerdfighteria.com/ Email your questions: hankandjohn@gmail.com...

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Planes, Trains, and Automosqueals
What do you do if you're lost in the forest? Is Santa subject to trademark laws? Should I take a boring job for money? And more! NerdCon: Nerdfighteria: www.nerdconnerdfighteria.com/ Email your questions: hankandjohn@gmail.com...

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Planet Dirt (Hank Returns!)
Is Die Hard a Christmas movie? Should I tell my mom about my risky plans? What is the tipping point for apocalypse chaos? And more! NerdCon: Nerdfighteria: http://www.nerdconnerdfighteria.com/ Email your questions: hankandjohn@gmail.com...

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Only Pause for Applause (w/ Hannah Hart!)
Help, I can't tell my roommates apart! What if my relationship has an expiry date? How much reflection should you do after finishing a book? And more!...

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The Rhythmic Thud of the Space Bar (w/ Ashley Ford!)
How do we move forward post-Election Day? How do you know when/if to have kids? Why does the space bar sound like that? And more!...

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Live from NerdCon: Stories (w/ Karen Hallion!)
Who is the foxiest founding father? How do I convince my boyfriend to not go to Mars? Is all my sister's stuff mine now? And more!...

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Gaga in Space (w/ Tyler Oakley!)
Are quesadillas sandwiches? What is the ideal OK Cupid match percentage? How much of another person's food am I allowed to consume? And more!...

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Feeling Home
Should I ghost out of my job? Are bubble baths a hobby or an interest? How do I not feel like a forever foreigner? And more!...

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A Great Bit of Oratory
How do I keep enjoying music I enjoyed with an ex? How do I recover from being doused in bull semen? What are my responsibilities when people ask me to watch their stuff? And more!...

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But... You're a Horse
Should we fear a locust apocalypse? Will listening to Japanese while I sleep help me remember it? How do I remain confident in my art around older, more experienced artists? And more!...

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Really Terrible Scandinavian Geography Lessons
Why won't people accept my tissues? Should half-wolf children be vaccinated? What do I do when I see a stranger crying in public? And more!...

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World Queen
What do I do while people are singing "Happy Birthday"? What are mushrooms even? Is it okay to want people to not be wrong? And more!...

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Pumpkins and Penguins (and Fiddles)
How do I go about my secret fiddle long con? Why do almost all zippers have the letters YKK on them? Do bugs ever have a destination in mind when they walk around aimlessly? And more!...

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Tiny Acts of Kindness
How do gas planets work? What is proper door etiquette? Is Hank going to put the lime in the coconut and drink it all together? And more!...

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There Is Almost Always a Future
Where all all the dead birds? Should I really live each day of my life like it's my last? Am I a fraud for being a social chameleon? And more!...

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Hank's Disaster Preparedness Plan
What is my actual favorite color? At what point in the day do I switch to "have a good night" as my go-to courtesy? What do I do when The Big One hits? And more!...

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That's the Science (w/ Flula!)
Why are there holes in crackers? What is proper hot tub etiquette? Can I snapchat politicians about immigration reform? And more!...

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Og Nomekop
How do I organize someone else's books? How do I justify the money allocated to extending my life? How does tug of war work? And more!...

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Is It Going to Throw Up?
How do I dad? Are expiration dates just suggestions? What do I call the people I work with? Do I really need to get drunk on my twenty-first birthday? And more!...

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A Proper Dumpster Fire
Should I sell cold, fresh potty water? Why don't we write phonetically? Why do I like all this sad stuff? And more!...

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Nerd Punk
Are bell peppers airtight? How do I quit smoking? Why is that new baby smell so good? And more!...

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The Worst Episode Ever
Do fish swim? Is Hank snapchatting? How do I stop my earphones from getting tangled? How do I deal with a job that I hate? And more!...

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We Are in This Together
Will my laptop sterilize me? Do you like (or write) fanfiction? Where is the rest of the lizard whose tail I found in my room? And more!...

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Weird/Bad Dancefighting
What are nerdfighters fighting? How do I learn to enjoy physical activity? How do I stop talking about Mars in my sleep? And more!...

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Things Are Like Other Things
Why isn't John on Hank's Top 8 on MySpace? What is the correct way to eat an Oreo? Is my can opener a sign that I've entered an alternate universe? And more!...

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Not Not an Adult (w/ Sydney Green!)
How do you define adulthood? Is it slice of pizza or piece of pizza? How do I reclaim my armrest when I'm in the middle seat? And more!...

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Pizza John Priorities
Is Pizza John inherently unsexy? Should I court familial disaster? Where else can I seek dubious advice? And more! AFC update tag music is 'News Sting' by Kevin MacLeod. http://incompetech.com...

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You're Gonna Be Okay
How do I mourn a mug? What if it had been Vlogsisters instead of Vlogbrothers? How do I navigate roommatedom? And more!...

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Brotherhood 3.0
Where are all the Bob Ross paintings? Why is a minor injury more painful to me than literal childbirth? How do I get myself a surprise party? And more!...

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Not Knowing
Should I feel guilty about liking Hamilton? Why aren't we talking about our impending death by Yellowstone? Should I be saving all my burrito money for the economic apocalypse? And more!...

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A Life Sandwich
How do I find joy when my main source of it has been taken away? How do I deal with my unfortunate name, which is not Ryan? How do I handle compliments? How do I deal with over-the-top laughter? How do I deal with the closest thing there is to death? And more!...

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Gotta Be Kitten
Why do people put up with banana opportunity cost? How do I deal with bird attacks? Chemtrails: what's up with them? And more!...

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Mayonnaise Malaise
Am I making unethical sandwich decisions? Am I a sucker for not cheating in school? Do we need drive-thru reform? Why do farts smell worse in the shower? And more!...

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In the Absence of Toes
Have we checked in on the bees? What would happen if you lost your big toe? How do you stir hot cocoa efficiently? And more!...

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Almost Distressingly Good Advice
How Canadian am I, really? How should I unpack? How do I reconcile my ideals with my actions? And more!...

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Feelings Are All Right (with Katherine Green)
How do I overcome pizza betrayal? What's the deal with sesame seeds? How do I solve my sibling ball crisis? What do I do in Montana? How do I deal with my driving anxiety? And more!...

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The Smelling in Your Dwelling
Why don't bugs die when we flick them? Why do we talk the way we do? What's the deal with dollars in movies? How much would it cost to buy the world a coke? And more!...

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The Floridiest Place
How do you reattach John's head? Why aren't supreme court justices chosen more efficiently? How do you hug? Does Mars have seasons? Why don't people eat grass like cows?...

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Grief Is Super Weird
Is there a secret planet opposite ours? Is strawberry flavor fooling us all? How can we be better listeners? Why do people ghost other people?...

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Should I Get Baptized if I Don't Believe?
Am I Lisa Turtle or Screech? What would happen to lava on the sun? After blowing ones nose, why does one look into the Kleenex? Coconuts are hairy an make milk, are they mammals? When does the early 2000s become "The Turn of the Century"? AND OTHER QUESTIONS ANSWERED!...

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YouTube Freaky Friday
Can I eat expired Mac N Cheese? What would you do if you only had 300 subscribers on YouTube? Is a kitty on my lap an excuse for tardiness? What if you dumped the sun into a massive MASSIVE bucket of water? What do you do when someone asks you a question that you aren't ready to answer?...

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Putting Water in Cereal?!
Why do we fall for clickbait? Why do smells become normal? Why do we call aluminum foil "tin foil?" Why do people always ask where I'm from? My name is boring! Are four-sided bananas safe to eat?! THESE AND OTHER QUESTIONS, ANSWERED FOR YOU TODAY!...

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Broccoli-Flavored Chocolate
Can create fresh water by boiling the sea with a giant magnifying glass? Is suffering necessary for us to appreciate the beauty in life? What about asteroids and super-volcanos! Should a heart be judged by how much it loves or by how much it's loved?...

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Breakin' the Law (and Being Good.)
Should I give up on my dreams of changing the world? Is mayonnaise an instrument? Why are DVD cases not squares? Can you burn a cucumber? Does the moon have Earth eclipses? Do you have anonymous social profiles?...

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Ending the Hiaaeetus!
What do you do when your couple friends stop hanging with single you? Should we imagine evil people complexly? Could you light Saturn on fire? How long could humans survive only eating humans? And then we discuss our over/unders for age of death....

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Barbershop Genghis
Do you need to be a Patreon supporter to get your question answered? How do I make my partner comfortable at his first Christmas with my family? Why are mini-M&Ms better than the regular kind? Why do we always assume life needs water? And an important update from Sweden!...

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John's Top Ten Probable Apocalypse List
Why are there no feral cows? What are you looking at? Should you say "Bless You" when someone coughs? What would happen if the magnetic poles reversed? How do I keep my nerves from getting the best of me (while playing competitive Pokemon)? What can we do to make the conversation around religion less awful? And more questions answered here at Dear Hank and John! And YES the new Wimbledon stadium at Plough Lane has been approved!! Edited by Nick Jenkins. Music by Gunnarolla....

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Giving Gifts without Breaking the Bank
Did we discover the periodic table, or did we invent it? How do you start running a business with friends? How would one go about crashing the moon into the Earth? Is an emoji a word? And finally, most importantly, when is it ok to start listening to Holiday music?...

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Should I Make Out with My Roommate?
How do I choose an ethical engagement ring? There's a wasp trapped in my dorm room! How do I know which arm rest is mine at the movie theater? And a question about grammar...from our father. Also, we have a patreon now: https://www.patreon.com/dearhankandjohn...

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LIVE IN NEW YORK it's NARS MEWS!
Why are we so obsessed with zombies? What do you do if your dentist tries to talk to you when you obviously can't talk? How do beat my girlfriend's gift skills? Should I try to re-kindle a friendship with someone who I did something nasty to? AND OTHER QUESTIONS answered here, today, on Dear Hank and John....

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The Great Finger Licking Debate
How do you learn new things as an adult? Oral surgery advice? Worrying about hexagons and etc!...

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OH MY GOD IT'S BURNING
Why do different trees change color at different times? What if a friend isn't creating their creative work that you love? Some advice for job and scholarship interviews. How do I express empathy properly? How should I feel about getting worse at Tetris?...

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Post-Menopausal Cousin Marriage
How should toilet paper be dispensed? Help! My fingers are glued together! If you hover a helicopter in the same place for 24 hours, why don't you travel around the earth? What food weird combinations do you like? What should I do if a scholarship requires me to read Ayn Rand? AND OTHER QUESTIONS ANSWERED!...

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Who Am I?
Halloween costume advice. Does John think people are evil? Misunderstanding Risk. Advice for referees of kids soccer games. Would the Bat Signal actually work? How does the stock market work? And, of course, a very brief discussion of the self....

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This Episode Contains Puke
Should I cave to my parents and have them at my wedding? Are we just cats? Why does 98 degrees feel hot if that's my body temperature? How do I read slow books? What do you do when your loved one is in a pyramid scheme?...

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Should I Abandon My Stuffed Animal?
Should I watch YouTube ads? How do I make friends with my old neighbors? What do I do when my daughter won't sleep because she's always on the internet? When is it worth arguing on the internet? Will climate change mess with forecasts?...

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Coming to Terms with Your Nerdiness
How do I balance my marriage with my career? What if your job isn't morally ambiguous? Is there something wrong with me if I am informed but also not sure who to vote for? But boy do we spend a lot of time on that first one because we clearly think about it a lot! Also...WATER ON MARS!...

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