The Crate and Crowbar

The Crate and Crowbar Podcast

A group of friends who work in the games industry meet up once a week to talk about PC games over a drink. “Off-the-cuff” is a polite way to say “unprofessional”, right?

Episode 305: Tom Clancy’s Questions From Questions
Tom, Marsh and two-thirds of a bottle of whiskey consider the fate of Valley of the Gods, indulge in Russo-phobic whack-a-mole in Call of Duty: Modern Warfare and ponder space, loss and buttons in Still There. Campo Santo’s Valley of the Gods is now officially on hold as its creators move onto other projects at [...]...

Episode 304: Zero Dark Flirty
Alex, Chris and Marsh take on the Pied Poper in A Plague Tale: Innocence, pootle across the Sea of Thieves, burp their way through Sigma Theory: Global Cold War and leave a faint but distinctly colonic whiff of Dota in their wake. BUY BUY BUY And people did – specifically they went and bought all [...]...

Episode 303: The Liquid Beard Conundrum
Tom, Chris, Alex and Marsh rejoice in the return of Half-Life, coo at the UI of Unity of Command II, marvel at the muddle of Death Stranding and spark up our Good Hot Swords in Star Wars Jedi: Fallen Order. This episode is brought to you in association with The People’s Lidl Rum David Bowie [...]...


Episode 303: The Liquid Beard Conundrum
Tom, Chris, Alex and Marsh rejoice in the return of Half-Life, coo at the UI of Unity of Command II, marvel at the muddle of Death Stranding and spark up our Good Hot Swords in Star Wars Jedi: Fallen Order. This episode is brought to you in association with The People’s Lidl Rum David Bowie [...]...

Episode 302: Steve Algorithm Does It Again
Alex, Chris and Marsh provide only the most deletable content as they marvel at the obscene indulgence of Death Stranding, tumble through infinity in Manifold Garden and test the limits of dark ecstasy in Lust From Beyond: Prologue. Don’t open with the genital shoggoth. Brian David Gilbert has made a Hideo Kojima name generator. That’s [...]...

Episode 302: Steve Algorithm Does It Again
Alex, Chris and Marsh provide only the most deletable content as they marvel at the obscene indulgence of Death Stranding, tumble through infinity in Manifold Garden and test the limits of dark ecstasy in Lust From Beyond: Prologue. Don’t open with the genital shoggoth. Brian David Gilbert has made a Hideo Kojima name generator. That’s [...]...


Episode 301: Good Talkie Bad Walkie
Marsh is joined by artist John Roberts to sleuth through Jenny LeClue: Detectivu, unpick the mysteries of Tangle Tower and expose deceptions in Telling Lies. Also: class war and Photoshop brushes. Fallout 1st is undergoing a proletariat revolution. EA’s stuff is back on Steam now. Cool? The Steam Library has been revamped. Hm. Detectiving and [...]...

Episode 300: Frightened Of The Ur-Teen
Marsh, Alex, Chris, both Toms and (occasionally Pip) assemble for the dawn of the podcast’s third century. Featuring Outer Worlds, more Disco Elysium, Radio Commander, Teamfight Tactics and more. Plus: the rise of Norman Buffus, British Public Transport Elysium, an extremely long conversation about pants, books, the cursed Beeb, and some vital Tom Francis news. [...]...

Episode 299: Sid Meier’s Colonial Supermarket Sweep
Chris and Marsh get the comms horn for Fortnite’s spectacular server shutdown, eat the wave of FOMO in Destiny 2 and unleash their inner twat upon Disco Elysium. Also: house rules for goblins. Fortnite Chapter 2 is a marketing coup and some sort of game, too, I guess. A good thread on the aforementioned. Chris [...]...


Episode 298: Metabrain Says Calm The Hell Up
Toms Francis and Senior join Marsh to discuss dismissive dad death in Indivisible and lobby for gun-lobbing in both Borderlands 3 and John Wick Hex. Also: why PCs are awful and no one should build them. Please, don’t say “fampany”. Blizzard’s incredible, punitive reaction to a pro-player speaking out about Hong Kong. UsTwo Games got [...]...

Episode 297: Buried in My Own Plastic Blood
Tom F, Alex and Marsh discuss the voxely promise of Teardown and existential terror of Microsoft Flight Simulator, return to Destiny redux, play some holes in What the Golf? and get nailed by every pixel in Noita. Put that in your leviathan and smoke it. Admire the restrained scope and exquisite smashiness of Teardown by [...]...

Episode 296: It’s Like There’s A Whole Other Goose In My Car
Tom F and Chris break into the pod chamber to discuss the latest wave of gaming subscription programmes, the pipe edge situations of Overland, and some game about a goose you probably haven’t heard of. You’ve always got some redundant beans. The subs models in question are Apple Arcade, Xbox Game Pass, Humble Monthly and [...]...


Episode 295: Maximum Tetanus Vectors
Chris, Tom S and Marsh discuss The Hunt: Showdown, Nocked! True Tales of Robin Hood and Astral Chain. Plus things that tinkle and jangle, things that waggle to make friars happy and things that should be renamed, remade and covered with moons. It’s a busy weekend for game releases: honk at a farmer in Untitled [...]...

Episode 294: A Spider Called Ennui
Chris, Tom F, Alex and… Marsh (!) discuss Wilmot’s Warehouse, Guild Wars 2, Slay The Spire’s new class and Control. Plus: what’s that wizard’s problem anyway, the tricky issue of endings, David Cage’s Hamlet, and so on. One is a box in Wilmot’s Warehouse. Here’s the excellent trailer, featuring Pip! Six birthdays all at once [...]...

Episode 293: Walls Are So Good
Tom F and Alex are joined by special guest Mike Cook: AI researcher, indie dev, and friend of the podcast. We get into AI judging games, combining games, designing games, and failing to understand what’s so good about walls. Also discussed: long Cebs in The International, dialogue style in A Short Hike, gossip in Fire [...]...


Episode 292: Tat Paddington
Chris, Tom F and Alex discuss Dicey Dungeons, Jupiter Hell, Exanima and Fire Emblem. Plus: arguably the worst way of categorising games we’ve ever come up with, and that’s saying something. I’m sorry, but for physics reasons I need you to cradle me and lower me to the earth. We’ve all been playing Dicey Dungeons, [...]...

Episode 291: Call The Kelpdesk
Chris, Pip and Tom F briefly return to autobattlers before discussing A Short Hike, Stones of Solace, Islanders, and the faults of a variety of algorithms. All this, just so that an otter can say well done. Pip’s lives in Teamfight Tactics now. …with breaks for Stones of Solace. Tom has taken A Short Hike [...]...

Episode 290: Teatime Overtime
Chris and both Toms wander in late to discuss assorted retro shooters, Nowhere Prophet, Fire Emblem, naughty semaphore, and additional tepid takes. I’m a murder president on the go, and I need my fix. Tom S’s been playing a big pile of all-caps retro shooters, including AMID EVIL, DUSK, Ion Fury. Tom F has been [...]...


Episode 289: Half Man Half Canoe
Tom F, Chris and Alex use videogames’ full name as they discuss Kingdom Come, Bloodstained, Griftlands, Mechanicus, The Witcher 3 and more. Chris has been pondering Kingdom Come: Deliverance and Warhammer 40,000: Mechanicus. Alex has been developing an art collection in Assassin’s Creed: It’s A Real Journey and Bloodstained: Ritual of the Night. Tom’s been [...]...

Episode 288: Space Ghost In A Donkey Costume
Autobattlers agogo. Pip and Chris take some time out from their busy wizard management schedule to discuss Valve’s Steam Lab before delivering the definitive verdict on the world’s array of autochesses. The Steam Labs page has all of the info you need about Valve’s disparate attempts to replace me and everyone I know with a [...]...

Episode 287: Fantasy Carpark Ballista Drift
Tom F, Chris and John discuss the cutthroat business of wizard cards, the biting bureaucracy of Pathfinder: Kingmaker, and the travails of high finance in Hitman 2 New York. Here’s a picture of a gem that might belong to a new, free, Slay The Spire character. A lot of people sure have played Dota Underlords, [...]...


Episode 286: Nice One, Blando
Chris, Tom F and Alex revisit Life is Strange, consider time’s cooldown in Touhou Luna Nights, chew noisily on Dota Underlords, and fling themselves over Shape of the World. I’ve activated the four rocks… show me the staircase. Tom’s returned to Life is Strange. Here’s the blog post by Ashly Burch that Tom mentions. Note: [...]...

Episode 285: Kleng! The Rollerskating Delivery Boy
Pip, Chris and Tom F dive into a big pile of E3 nonsense followed by a big pile of questions nonsense, considering the noun-circle ramifications of both. We’re DONE, Octavian! You know what you did! Here’s that Watch Dogs: Legion footage from E3. Also, Phil Savage’s review of the pub from Everybody’s Gone To The [...]...

Episode 284: Reasons For Declaring War On House Cats
Chris, Tom F and Alex attempt to predict Thursday’s news on Wednesday, again, and mostly fail, again. After that: SteamWorld Quest, Void Bastards, The Outer Wilds! Destiny 2 is going free to play, coming to Steam and Stadia, and getting cross-save functionality. Pricing details for Stadia have been revealed and are entirely contrary to Chris’ [...]...


Episode 283: Mork Whirlbag
Tom F, Alex and Chris convene last Wednesday to discuss ‘computer games’, including but not limited to Void Bastards, Observation, Druidstone, and Mordhau. I feel compelled to perform my military responsibilities in the modern time. Early access sky MMO Worlds Adrift is shutting down. Here’s Starbase, a computer game. Yep, they called it Modern Warfare. [...]...

Episode 282: The Terror of TR3-VR
Alex and the Toms gather to discuss what they have been playing on their personal computers this week. We didn’t record in our usual studio for this one, but the audio quality will return to normal soon! Tom F has been playing Path of Exile. Tom S has been playing Destiny 2 too much. Alex has [...]...

Episode 281: And They’re Both In League With Jive Cop
Tom F, Chris and Alex convene to chat Total War(hammer), Phantom Doctrine, Mordhau, cakes and more. He’s not the Nerevarine, he’s a very naughty boy. Here’s a man saying thank you for the bullets in PlayerUnarmed Happygrounds. Ultra Ultra, the studio who made Echo, are shutting down. Alex is staying up past his bedtime to [...]...


Episode 280: Old Sins Of The Sordid Asp
Chris, Tom S and Alex chat a little bit of Sekiro, some Ascension, a smooth slice of The Room, and a dash of Katana ZERO. Plus: meditations on the byzantine pizza meta, Rama Tycoon, the completely predictable fate of action dad, and our rebranding as the internet’s premier cutlery conspiracy resource. We say that we’re [...]...

Episode 279: Wherever There Is Fun, He’s Not There
Alex, Tom F and Chris discuss City of Heroes’ surprising fate, EA’s Star Wars doings, Beat Saber, Heaven’s Vault, Risk of Rain 2, and the omega egg. Here’s Cass Marshall’s article about City of Heroes’ secret SCORE server. We’ve played a bit of Beat Saber. Here’s the reveal trailer for Star Wars Jedi: Fallen Order. [...]...

Episode 278: But Where Are The Potatoes?
Chris, Tom F and Pip catch up on GDC highlights and discuss Darkborn, Anthem woes, Winkeltje, Sekiro, and Totally Accurate Battle Simulator. Plus: an asparagus crime to save print media, meditations on David Boreanaz The Minecraft Man, Monet’s hot nuts, and the art of Blunch. Columbo’s here, and he’s furious about Unreal Tournament. Here’s Tom’s [...]...


Episode 277: Anyway, Here’s Blight Town
Alex, Chris and Tom S discuss a brief spate of late-March game announcements before getting into Sekiro: Shadows Die Twice. That’s it. It’s mostly Sekiro. We’re very keen to avoid Sekiro spoilers in this episode, but we do talk about themes and mechanics and, in one case, a few details about different environments – but [...]...

Episode 276: Plushie WASD
Chris, Pip and Alex celebrate IGF winners and huff deep on Google’s big ol’ cloud. Plus: a little Call of Duty, a little Devil May Cry, assorted nonsense beyond. Don’t die yet, we haven’t finished the pyramid’s ass. Here’s the IGF & GDCA Awards stream in full – the show begins about 25 minutes in, [...]...

Episode 275: Don’t Gild The Scissors Ghost
Tom F, Chris and Alex chat Dwarf Fortress news, franchise developments, a little Far Cry, Hypnospace Outlaw, Devil May Cry 5, and Baba Is You. Plus: getting whacked with the bollard brush, the half time cutlery switch, the sensesno.cool quadrilogy, how snake feel, a magic leap for mankind, and more. Where’s my fucking money, Paddington? [...]...


Episode 274: Goose Trevor Always
Chris, Alex and both Toms chat Far Cry: New Dawn, DiRT Rally 2.0, Star Trek Online (?) and then just say the word ‘Dune’ over and over for a while. Plus: don’t talk to me until I’ve got my bow, Ubisoft spade tax, Sir Walter Rally, Alex takes Poland, illicit Terran jambalaya, and so on. [...]...

Episode 273: Your Uncle Under The Bridge
Chris, Tom and Alex discuss Darkest Dungeon II and Ace Combat 7 and make a lot of sad and frustrated noises about Anthem. Plus: Edward Lear zooms on a leper, ejecting your upside-down cousin, when wingmates become wingquaintances, and the terble space crab. Here’s the trailer for Darkest Dungeon II. Chris and Tom have played [...]...

Episode 272: Byronic Commando
Alex, Tom S and Chris discuss Blizzard and then say nice things about Apex Legends, Resident Evil 2, and Devil May Cry 5. Plus: The Fraudulent Rustling of the Horse Boy II: Redeem This, the adventures of Gordon Fremen, middleware war among the stars, and our winter survival tips and tricks. Here’s Jason Schreier’s writeup [...]...


Episode 271: No Heroes, No Darlings, Only Chesses
In this mini-episode, Chris, Alex and Pip discuss Apex Legends and Dota Auto Chess. Sorry for the shorter episodes lately! We’ve been really busy. Patreon backers should note that they’re not being charged at the moment. Thanks for being backers, though! We very much appreciate it. Chris has been playing that Apex Legends. Pip’s been [...]...

Episode 270: Childlike Delight And A Bag Full Of Penguins
Chris and Pip chat about Subnautica: Below Zero, Sunless Skies, and Wargroove. Pip’s been playing Subnautica: Below Zero. Benedict Cumberbatch can’t say ‘penguin’. We’ve both been playing Sunless Skies. Chris is enjoying Wargroove, too. You can hang out with us and our community on our Discord channel. If you have a question for a future episode, [...]...

Episode 269: Honestly The Longer The Proboscis Is There, The Less Happy We Are
Both Toms join Chris to discuss Resident Evil 2, Battlefleet Gothic Armada II, a bit of Forgotton Anne, and more. Plus: further jazz considerations, the torpedo full of man, robot wars meta considerations, puns, wine, and so on. SteamWorld Quest: it’s been announced! Slay The Spire: it’s out now! We should get around to talking [...]...


Episode 268: The Five Rarities
Chris, Tom F, Alex and perhaps others dramatise assorted games industry dramas, discuss the anti-cheat ramifications of Dean Leaner, and explore death in a variety of warzones. Plus: Destiny 2 in 2019, Fortune-299, Slay The Spire modding, our community GOTY vote and more! In the event that our summation of the Improbable/Unity business didn’t make [...]...

Episode 267: It’s Worse When The Abyss Doesn’t Text Back
The whole gang convenes (sort of) to look back at our games of 2018 while navigating some sort of terrible segue purgatory. As discussed in this episode, the Crate & Crowbar Discord community is currently conducting its own GOTY vote! You can find out more – and cast your votes – right here. Games discussed: [...]...

Episode 266: Julian, Son Of Hades
Tom F, Alex and John return to the velvet plinth to discuss the Games Awards announcements, ReCore, Dusk, and Hades. Far Cry: New Dawn has flowers. The Last Campfire is by two folks at Hello Games. Xbox One flagship game ReCore is on PC now and very 7/10. Dusk is a 97/100 game according to Steam [...]...


Episode 265: Gold, Funsense And Myrrh
Chris, Tom, Alex and Tom discuss the Epic Games Store, more Artifact, Mutant Year Zero, Just Cause 4, and so on. Here’s the rundown on the Epic Games Store. Everybody has been playing Artifact, but you are not allowed to touch the little imp bottoms, and this is garbage. Tom F is still playing alternative [...]...

Episode 264: Viking Longboards
Tom F and Alex gather around a velvet plinth, sip beer, and discuss vikings and hitmen. Featured: Skin Deep: Brendon Chung’s Die Hard in space. Bad North: defend tiny islands from vikings. Hitman 2 (2018): Tom’s liking it more now, play his Contract. Race for the Galaxy: an empire building card game where the strategies [...]...

Episode 263: He Failed His Shaving Throw
Chris, Tom F and Alex convene to talk Warhammer 40,000: Mechanicus, Artifact, and Hitman 2. Then Chris, Tom F, Alex and Pip convene to talk, er, foxes? Or something. Alex has been playing Warhammer 40,000: Mechanicus. Chris has been sinking hours into Artifact. Here’s the guide he wrote, if you’re interested. Tom’s been playing Hitman [...]...


Episode 262: The Roast Dinner Tank
Chris, Tom, Tom and Alex talk strategy remake news, Void Bastards, One Hour One Life, Battlefield V, Thronebreaker, Roblox and more. Those crazy kids are remastering Command & Conquer. They’re also remastering Warcraft III, the absolute madmen. Chris has been playing One Hour One Life. Everybody’s excited about Void Bastards. Tom Senior’s been playing Battlefield [...]...

Episode 261: Max Level Sprant
Chris is joined by both Toms to discuss Blizzcon controversy, The Blackout Club, Forza Horizon 4, Return of the Obra Dinn and more. Here’s Diablo Immortal, and Tom S’ article about said game and its attendant controversy. Chris and Tom F have been playing The Blackout Club. Do a cool flip off the time ramp [...]...

Episode 260: Wands And Tanks All The Way Down
Tom joins Zack Johnson and Kevin Simmons from Video Games Hot Dog to discuss the games of Fantastic Arcade. Spelunky 2! Noita! Samurai Gunn 2! Additional games besides these! Note: Patreon backers won’t be charged for this episode. Zack and Kevin are from Video Games Hot Dog, also Asymmetric. They have created two forms of [...]...


Episode 259: Yelp At The Moon
Pip, Chris and Alex discuss the return of Hellgate: London, ponder Return of the Obra Dinn, and go for a wander around Shadow of the Tomb Raider. Hellgate: London! It’s back! But why! Pip’s been playing that Return of the Obra Dinn. Alex has looked at some things and slid down some things in Shadow [...]...

Episode 258: The Tragedy Of Protagonistus The Extreme
Both Toms and Chris dig into this week’s developing Rockstar story and then share stories from Assassin’s Creed: Odyssey, because all we’ve done for two weeks is kick people off boats. Here’s that story about the Red Dead 2 working conditions, and subsequent coverage of Rockstar‘s reaction. We recorded this podcast on Tuesday, for reference. [...]...

Episode 257: Kick Left, Kick Right
Tom S, Tom F and Chris talk Assassin’s Creed: Odyssey, Race for the Galaxy and Distance, and then get distracted by literary theory and swearing. Tom Senior has been kicking his way to friendship in Assassin’s Creed: Odyssey. Here is Alice Bell’s excellent article about the same. Tom Francis has been playing Race for the [...]...


Episode 256: The Fate of Kale
Chris and Pip embark on another Friday morning podcast, covering the Telltale layoffs and highlights from EGX. Here’s Wesley Yin-Poole’s article for Eurogamer about remembering that people, not companies, create games. Pip’s been enjoying Parkasaurus. Chris’ picks of EGX are Total War: Three Kingdoms, Kine, Yellow Rock Road and Valfaris. Pip’s picks include Small Talk, [...]...

Episode 255: Kelp Evasion
Pip, Chris, Tom F and guest John R discuss EGX, Frozen Synapse 2, Megaquarium, Streets of Rogue, advanced noodle techniques, and more. Here’s the Heat Signature Twitter, so you can find out about them sweet updatez. John and Chris have been playing Frozen Synapse 2. Pip’s been playing Megaquarium. Tom’s been playing Streets of Rogue. [...]...

Episode 254: Multi Gazebo! Mega Gazebo! SHOPPING CENTRE
Alex, Chris and Tom F discuss game dev authenticity, Industries of Titan, Destiny 2, Dragon Quest XI, and Concrete Jungle. Plus: automatic toilet theory, figuring out how much we actually know about each other, and winning the trust of the shotgun people. Here’s Lindsay Ellis’ video essay about manufactured authenticity on YouTube (and elsewhere.) …and [...]...


Episode 253: If Malfoy Could Ice Skate
Pip and Chris discuss MMO woes, Destiny 2’s new expansion, Two Point Hospital and a bit of Graveyard Keeper. Find out more about the V&A’s videogames exhibit right here. Carbine Studios – and their MMO, Wildstar – are shutting down. CCP has been bought by Black Desert Online devs Pearl Abyss. Chris is very much [...]...

Episode 252: Püpsok
Chris and Tom S sit down for a chat about Spelunky 2 and Cyberpunk 2077 news, Tom’s highlights from Gamescom, and assorted nonsense. Here’s that Spelunky 2 footage and PlayStation Blog Q&A. We spend a bunch of time with the Cyberpunk 2077 footage. Tom S had a strong first impression of Life is Strange 2. [...]...

Episode 251: Shrimp Gun
Chris, Tom F and Pip catch up on a bit of Gamescom news before delivering sizzingly fresh takes on recent hits ‘Spore’ and ‘FTL’. Here’s the trailer for Man of Medan, part of the Dark Pictures anthology. Also, the Life is Strange 2 trailer. Here’s Burrito Tim’s Good Tweet. Pip has returned to Spore, ten [...]...


Episode 250: Close Your Eyes And Grind For Boltor
It all goes a bit wrong as Chris, Tom, Tom and Alex return from a week off to talk Red Dead and Doom news, EXAPUNKS, Warframe, Unavowed and Monster Hunter. Plus: Horse Up Displays, 90s FPS ASMR, Resident Evil 2 by The B-52s, why it’s good when the spaceships do it, sensible missiles, the Mamma [...]...

Episode 249: They Really Pulled It Off
Alex, Tom S, Chris and Marsh (!) convene to discuss many Metroidvanias, Yakuza 0, console games (!), when to move on, Six Ages, and so on. Marsh! Has been playing Chasm. Chris has been catching up with Dead Cells. Alex’s Castlevania of the moment is La-Mulana 2. Here is Goro Majima’s introduction from Yakuza 0, [...]...

Episode 248: The Lonely Splatching Of A Spaceman
Chris, Tom S and Alex take several trips back to 2016, including but not limited to No Man’s Sky, StarCraft II, DOOM and Battlefield 1. We’ve all been playing No Man’s Sky‘s NEXT update. Alex has been teaching valuable lessons in StarCraft II. Tom’s been revisiting the best of 2016 in DOOM. Chris is happily [...]...


Episode 247: Throwing Pebbles At A Leopard For Fifteen Years
Chris, Alex and both Toms celebrate the 5th anniversary of the podcast with gin and a digression to The David Cage. Plus: more Mooncrash, Yoku’s Island Express, Warhammer 40K: Gladius, and Objects In Space. That’s for my nan! And her house! Tom F’s further explorations of Prey: Mooncrash reveal a few rough edges. Alex has [...]...

Episode 246: Tough On Rogues, Tough On The Causes Of Rogues
Chris and Pip discuss The Awesome Adventures of Captain Spirit, The Sims 4: Seasons, and lots more. This is definitely episode 246, and not, as Chris says, episode 247. Pip’s been playing these videogames: The Awesome Adventures of Captain Spirit The Sims 4: Seasons Cognizer Dr Frank’s Build A Boyfriend Ashi: Lake Of Light You [...]...

Episode 245: You’ve Got Bad Skeleton
Chris, Tom F and Alex consider the lovely Prey: Mooncrash, big Fortnite murders, a bit of Six Ages and why late capitalism is cool, actually. Here’s a Polygon article about the Fortite murder story, including videos and facts. We’ve all be playing Prey: Mooncrash, which we like a lot. The video that Tom mentions isthis [...]...


Episode 244: Impenetrable, Like A Creme Egg
Chris, Tom, Tom and Alex contend with Guilty Gear Xrd, Lumines Remastered, Sword With Sauce, Jurassic World: Evolution, a bit of Vamypr, and get in deep with Big Scorsese. Tom S has been watching, and sometimes playing, Guilty Gear Xrd -REVELATOR-. Tom S and Alex have been playing Hackmud, which is weird for Chris. Alex [...]...

Episode 243: Frogs Find A Way
Pip and the Toms discuss a surprising amount of news, most of it Steamy, then share thoughts on Jurassic World Evolution, Cryptark, Fortnite, and Assassin’s Creed: Origins. Chris has been hard at work on the wordy side of hackmud 2.0, which is going live next week and will be 25% off when you read this. [...]...

Episode 242: I Am The Stringman With The Staring Eyes
In which Chris, Alex and Pip promise to avoid overanalysing E3, and to focus on the things we’re excited about, and then do exactly the opposite. John Shuttleworth’s I Can’t Back To Savoury Now, the soundtrack to this year’s E3, and indeed every year’s E3. From Bethesda: Fallout 76 (don’t forget to look up the [...]...


Episode 241: Tactless Beach Wizards
Chris, Tom F and John R chat Far: Lone Sails, Dicey Dungeons, Totally Accurate Battlegrounds and a bit of Pillars of Eternity 2: Deadfire. Plus: the secret handshakes shared by the kin of the brood-sergeant, top chuffin’, the Haddaway collab we’ve been waiting for, our hottest takes of 2013, an endless sense of Bluth, the [...]...

Episode 240: Far Cries To Candlekeep
Pip, Chris and Alex consider the pre-E3 videogame news wasteland, revisit City of Brass, clean up House Flipper, and consider Idle Champions and the specific anxieties of the clicker genre. Plus: tragedy as volcanic death comes to Emmerdale. Here’s the trailer for Fallout 76, and Kotaku’s article about what it actually is, maybe. Here’s the [...]...

Episode 239: Bad Men And Their Funfairs
Chris, Pip, Tom S and Alex dig deep to yield icy cold takes on Call of Duty: Blops Four, ‘Bio-Shock’, A Quiet Sleep, and assorted nonsense. Plus: the importance of Little Boots on the ground, the medium’s most lootable subcultures, whether it was or wasn’t all yellow, whether two Ayn Rands do indeed make an [...]...


Episode 238: Lionel Falconboobs
Chris, Pip, Tom F and – for one night only – Marsh (!) discuss Atomic Heart, more Far Cryin’, more Spire Slayin’, SpyParty, Murderous Pursuits, and City of Brass. Also: feeling nothing about sunsets, playing with orbs, holding for a moment in the hope position, the struggle of games to be effectively didactic, the history [...]...

Episode 237: Thank You For The Hats, Lore Horse
Chris and Tom S discuss Red Dead Redemption 2, new Tomb Raider, the state of triple-A development in general, dogs again, and videogame Millibands. The Red Dead Redemption 2 trailer – a splash? Of musky cowboy… water? Destiny 2: Warmind – Chris will play it, because he’s already bought it. Tom was left cold by [...]...

Episode 236: Doggard Cain and the Time Terrier
Tom, Chris and Tom discuss Campo Santo’s move to Valve, the latest Ludum Dare, things what dogs do, Battletech, and Frostpunk. Plus: who you actually play as in The Sims, playing games rightly wrong, and legally mandating the ‘woo’ button. Here’s more on the Campo Santo news. Tom F’s big list o’ Ludum Dare recommendations [...]...


Episode 235: Ready For A Mono-Log?
Live from Rezzed! Chris, Tom F, Graham and Alex discuss their games of the show, and also Crusader Kings II. Plus: real live questions! Note: we’re still waiting to get the footage of this episode back from the Rezzed guys, so the YouTube version will be a little later than usual. Sorry! Here’s a PC [...]...

Chats at Rezzed: Hannah Flynn on Sunless Skies
Chris talks to Hannah Flynn from Failbetter about Sunless Skies, life in game development, reaching broader audiences, the myriad flaws of Zoolander 2, and more. This is the last in our series of chats from Rezzed – hope you’ve enjoyed them! Find out more about Sunless Skies here, and find this episode on YouTube here. [...]...

Chats at Rezzed: Lottie Bevan and Alexis Kennedy on Cultist Simulator
Chris talks to Lottie Bevan and Alexis Kennedy from Weather Factory about Cultist Simulator, creating atmosphere through a card game interface, effective game writing, and more. You can find Cultist Simulator on Steam here. Click here for the YouTube version of this episode, and – as ever – all of our stuff is supported by [...]...


Chats at Rezzed: Robert Kurvitz on Disco Elysium
At Rezzed we sat down with Disco Elysium design and writing lead Robert Kurvitz to discuss entering the games industry as an artist, the complexities of RPG design, politics, and disco. Find out more about Disco Elysium here, and you can listen to this episode on YouTube if you prefer. The Crate & Crowbar is [...]...

Chats at Rezzed: Julian Gollop and David Kaye on Phoenix Point
Surprise! While we were at Rezzed we recorded a series of short, informal chats with interesting gamespeople. In this first episode, Chris and Alex sit down with X-COM creator Julian Gollop and Snapshot Games co-founder David Kaye to talk Phoenix Point. You can find out more about Phoenix Point on the game’s official site and, [...]...

Episode 234: Handspeed
Chris, Alex and Tom S consider the end of SteamSpy, Radical Heights, Jalopy, All Walls Must Fall, and Tom’s daily Slay The Spire tendency. Plus: too much rum, wonky grammar lessons, and the low hop of the robots. SteamSpy announces its inability to continue operating via tweet. Boss Key’s Radical Heights. Here’s Alice O’Connor being [...]...


Episode 233: Low-Hanging Flute
Tom F, Chris and Alex discuss Far Cry 5 (again), Superhot VR, and Minit. Then, a chat about Into The Breach is followed by questions from questions calamity. Plus: the mystery of the third Tom, the lamentable sacking of the sex helicopter, and – what comes, dangling upon a string? Toot toot, it’s the low-hanging [...]...

Episode 232: Don’t Hate The Flayer
Chris, Pip reunite with Tom Francis to discuss GDC highlights, Sunless Skies, Far Cry 5, and first impressions of All Walls Must Fall. You can find the full IGF results here. Everybody love a bit of Wobble Garden. Rezzed! We’re doing it. Pip’s been playing Sunless Skies. Tom has been playing Far Cry 5 and [...]...

Episode 231: Spite Horn
Chris and Pip gather in GDC week to discuss basically no news from GDC, many short games you should play, and space mistakes you shouldn’t make in Scavenger SV-4. Plus: a showcase of Pip’s ability to remember a grudge from four years ago, but not a song from last week. Jalopy is out next week. [...]...


Episode 230: Good Co-op, Bad Co-op
Pip, Chris and Alex discuss Artifact, Deep Rock Galactic, Vermintide II, and the inevitable end of everything. Plus: π bake it, Garfield’s first name, co-op FOMO, the dings of Catchphrase, Dota Plus, and my libido (an Amiibo.) Anyone for questions? I’ll pour! This is Artifact, the Dota 2 card game, from Vlav. And this is [...]...

Episode 229: A Tantalising Omelette Recedes Before Us
Tom S, Chris and Alex check in on VR, consider the gorgeous eggs of Final Fantasy XV, and ponder the literary aspirations of Beckett. Oculus’ critical Rift whoopsie has now been resolved. Here’s The Day Today’s remarkable foreshadowing of the experience of using Google Earth VR. Here’s Final Fantasy XV. And here’s the most important [...]...

Episode 228: Don’t Eat Time Pods
Tom, Tom and Chris discuss a range of ways in which one might fail upwards, from Into The Breach to Phoenix Point to the spooky bayou of Hunt: Showdown. Plus: my dog ate Hunt The Freeman, accent quandries, questionable etymology, and a sad dearth of whale colour options. Into The Breach is out now and, [...]...


Episode 227: A Unified Theory Of Terrapins
Pip, Alex and Tom F are back to once again tackle the tough topic of turtle taxonomy. Also games about Garys (Legendary Gary), games by Garys (Abandon Ship), and it would round this out nicely if the other two games related to Garys but they don’t. Cypher and Fe. Also, we’re doing a live show [...]...

Episode 226: Notorious Bee OP
Pip, Tom F and Alex discuss knowing your enemy in Slay the Spire, dabbling In Other Waters, Dear Esther Live, and turning your tentacles into chickens and bees in Octogeddon. Also: Slay the Spire is in Early Access but already worth it. In Other Waters is about halfway to its goal on Kickstarter. Last Man Kicking [...]...

Episode 225: It’s What’s Missing
Tom S and Chris are joined by Alex Wiltshire to discuss Into The Breach’s imminent release, why it’s okay to hunt monsters if they’re bastards, RPG combat design and more. Plus: a brief return to Subnautica and further musings on the ocean willies therein; the secret missing element to Subnautica’s survival formula; toxicity, Dota 2, [...]...


Episode 224: Sustained Ocean Willies
Tom F, Chris and John R discuss… ‘computer games’. Including but not limited to Iconoclasts, Celeste, Subnautica and Slay The Spire. Plus: wrench size considerations, creating modes for Bennett Foddy (to hurt him), and that thing where Chris says ‘I’m not going to go deep on this’ and then does that. Paragon is no more. [...]...

Episode 223: Subnautica With Pip
Join Pip under the sea as she heroically embarks on a one-Pip Subnautica special. Featuring the sounds (and underwater bellows) of the game itself. Apologies for the shaky schedule of late: we’ve had extensive holiday-and-illness-related scheduling problems over the last couple of weeks. Expect regular service to resume next week, and Patreon backers should note [...]...

Episode 222: PRAISE MY BUM
Dark Souls. Is it news? Chris and Pip ponder this and other subjects, including Subnautica’s imminent release, Paladins’ imminent Battlegrounds mode, and Bennett Foddy’s imminent Getting Over It. Here’s info about Dark Souls Remastered. Also, Final Fantasy XII: The Zodiac Age, which is a thing. As is Total War: Three Kingdoms. And Subnautica. Pip reports [...]...


Episode 221: Horses Don’t Roll
Both Toms join Chris to discuss Recursed, Bridge Constructor Portal, Gorogoa, GTA Online, PUBG, and the games we’re looking forward to in 2018. Plus: a games-from-books jam idea that actually works, things horses don’t do, a bit of Mad Max, a whole lot of boats, and more. Boats. Here’s the IGF shortlist! Congrats, Tom! Baba [...]...

C&C D&D: The Miracle At Grey Home, Part 4
All things must end. Or must they? Yes. But sometimes: no. That’s right: it’s the final part of THE MIRACLE AT GREY HOME! You can listen this episode on YouTube here. If you’ve taken the time to listen to the entirety of this nonsense, thank you: we hope you enjoyed it. We’ll be back in [...]...

C&C D&D: The Miracle At Grey Home, Part 3
Confrontation leads to new adventure as Chris attempts to write… a spoiler-free description of part three of C&C D&D! You can listen this episode on YouTube here. Tune in tomorrow for the FINALE of THE MIRACLE AT GREY HOME. I mean, it’s only Christmas. You don’t have anything else to do, right? Many thanks to [...]...


C&C D&D: The Miracle At Grey Home, Part 2
Our Dungeons & Dragons roleplay adventure continues as our heroes take their quest to the streets of Grey Home. If you prefer, you can listen this episode on YouTube here. Come back tomorrow for part three of THE MIRACLE AT GREY HOME. Many thanks to Mike Debenham for his fabulous contribution to this series. Our [...]...

C&C D&D: The Miracle At Grey Home, Part 1
It’s time for something a little different. In the run-up to Christmas, we’ll be posting our first-ever Dungeons & Dragons live play podcast: a magical mystery murder adventure called THE MIRACLE AT GREY HOME. This is part one. Expect part two tomorrow, part three after that, and so on. You can listen on YouTube if [...]...

Episode 220: Between Space And Space Space
Chris, Tom and Pip came here to round up our games of the year and eat praline chocolates… and we’ve got a whole lot of praline chocolates. Also, Pip hates pralines. This is the last regular C&C episode of 2017! As such, you might want to check out the YouTube version: it’s that time again [...]...


Episode 219: Everybody’s Gone To A Party
Get ready for a visceral Christmas experience as Chris, by himself, talks about Hello Neighbour and Hellblade. By himself. This is, needless to say, a bit of a stopgap episode before we gather for this year’s annual roundup special. As such, Patreon backers will not be charged for it. There’s a lot more C&C coming [...]...

Episode 218: In The Aftermath Of The Asset Wars
Chris, Tom F and John Roberts discuss indie news, Seven: The Days Long Gone, Destiny 2’s first expansion, Sorcery!, Shadowhand, and more. ‘More’ in this case includes the opportunity horse, the verb ‘to suchet’, a bit of Warhammer, the changes to Patreon, our upcoming Christmas specials, and so on. Joakim Sandberg’s Iconoclasts has a release [...]...

Episode 217: Sean Bean’s Luxury Resources
Chris and Tom S discuss Destiny 2 changes, Civ VI’s new expansion, the horizontal lifestyle enabled by the Steam Link, and all of the things that Chris likes about Battlefront II. Plus: the cultural benefits of expending one (1) Sean Bean, why you probably should try to fight a crocodile, games-as-toys, C&C D&D, returning to [...]...


Episode 216: Videocrates Crowdog
Tom F is joined by Zack and Kevin from Asymmetric for a Crate & Crowbar/Videogames Hotdog crossover episode recorded at Fantastic Arcade in Austin, Texas. Discussed: the explosive appeal of Untitled Goose Game, Wilmot’s Warehouse, Bennett Foddy’s Getting Over It, Minute, Into The Breach, and loads more. It’s all in the shownotes below. Patreon backers [...]...

Episode 215: Eye For An Eye, Finger For A Guy
Chris and both Toms dig into the Battlefront II microtransactions thing, momentarily become a film podcast while talking about Injustice 2, and rewind back to Shadwen for a chat about parenthood. Plus: a voice from the past returns, the importance of the trudge AND the squeak, Superman’s uncanny lips, and Ian M. Banks’ Play of [...]...

Episode 214: The End of Reliable Horse Delivery
Tom, Chris and Alex have medium takes on Call of Duty: World War II, Assassin’s Creed: Origins, Dota 2 Turbo, and the industry’s latest travails. Plus: getting the better of Satan, hopes for a hairy new Hitman, co-op jobs, Tuesday, impressing kids with chicken, bud motivation, and more. Chris talks a bit about Dota 2 [...]...


Episode 213: Auto Camel, Psychic Eagle
Chris, Tom F and John Roberts discuss Spelunky 2, Dota 2’s update, Wolfenstein II, Divinity: Original Sin, Assassin’s Creed: Origins, and other oranges besides. Plus: the faulty UX of life, dancemat Tinder, internet things forever lost to time, and diminishing takeout returns. Spelunky 2 has been announced! Here’s the trailer. Dota 2 has been updated! [...]...

Episode 212: Amazing Raids That Don’t Exist
Tom, Chris and Tom discuss Steam’s new curator system, Wolfenstein II, Destiny 2, and Opus Magnum. Plus: an episode of 999 featuring a rogue X-Wing CD-ROM, the New Game+ of your life, and the machinations of the hated foe, Alex Wiltshire. The Halloween Steam Sale is on. Stories Untold is good, and cheap! Here’s Valve’s [...]...

Episode 211: An Etch A Sketch’s Dream Of Itself
Chris, Pip and Tom discuss the new Zachtronics game, the closure of Visceral, A Mortician’s Tale, Shadow of War, and more. Plus: Babe Runner: Pig In The City, the midpoint between The Raid and Watership Down, hot cauliflower facts, inadvisable waffle digressions, and some videogame questions maybe? Jury’s out on that one. Here’s the trailer [...]...


Episode 210: It’s Captain Flippin’ Good
Chris, Tom and Tom discuss the 10 year anniversary of The Orange Box, Universal Paperclips, Middle-earth (TM) Shadow of War, and EVE Valkyrie: Warzone. Plus: explaining your game in fifty words or less, Chris’ worst idea, games fit for an Oxbridge application, rum, and more. The Orange Box is 10 years old this week! Here’s [...]...

Episode 209: Orange In Story
Chris and the Toms discuss Assassin’s Creed: Oranges, Divinity: Oranges Sin 2, and the hunt for a missing crate of origins. Also: Cuphead’s accessibility, Skaven’s terrifying ‘shitty rats anywhere’ power in Total War: Warhammer 2, and Battlegrounds’ Chinese review bomb. Player Unknown’s Battlegrounds has had 70,000 Steam reviews in the last 30 days and its [...]...

Episode 208: Sid Meier Is Not A Pirate
Pip, Tom F, and some refreshing glasses of gin and tonic assemble to reflect upon the release of Heat Signature before moving on to other hip and happening PC games of the moment, including: XCOM 2: War of the Chosen and PlayerUnknown’s Battlegrounds. Also! Your questions regarding community controversies and one of like a million [...]...


Episode 207: ANY% ALL DOGS NO PEOPLE
Tom, Chris and Tom gather on the eve of Heat Signature’s release to talk Divinity: Original Sin 2, which they haven’t actually played, and Dishonored: Death of the Outsider, which they have. Plus: character name conventions, systems with character, the secrets of a Twitter drafts folder, and the number of action points consumed by making [...]...

Episode 206: Promoted To Death
Chris, Tom, Pip and Tom discuss Heat Signature’s impending release, FUGL, XCOM 2, Tooth and Tail, and loads of questions. Plus: top Chris Pip tips, one-handed Final Fantasy, the problem of being both extremely fast and extremely poisoned, and bums. Again. Find out more about Heat Signature, the game what Tom done, here. Here’s a [...]...

Episode 205: An Ever Shrinking Park
Chris and Pip convene in a post-Tom world to discuss PUBG’s popularity, new Life is Strange, and Absolver. Also Chris says he won’t talk about Destiny 2, and then does. We’ve skipped the questions section this week due to our (temporarily) reduced headcount – we’d like to dig into them properly when we’ve got at [...]...


Episode 204: Slug In A Hurricane
Notorious hobbledehoys Pip, Tom F and Tom S gather to discuss gaming matters of the day, including the plot of Half-Life 2: Episode 3, XCOM 2: War of the Chosen, Ken Follett’s The Pillars of the Earth, Destiny 2, Dead Cells and bums. Plus! Your questions and finest game name substitutions. Show notes: BIG NEWS [...]...

Episode 203: Off-Tanking The Teen Snake
Chris, Tom F and returning guest John Roberts talk Gamescom news, Technomancers, West of Loathing, snakes and Flotillas. Here’s the Age of Empires IV trailer. Also, Jurassic Thingy. Overwatch’s latest short, which Chris doesn’t like, the tiresome arsehole. Here’s that interview where EA’s Patrick Soderlund talks about the possibility of Mass Effect coming back. John’s [...]...

Episode 202: Shoot Toast At My Face, Table Neighbour
Pip, Chris and Tom discuss No Man’s Sky’s latest update, 868-HACK’s latest expansion, and The Long Dark’s latest aurorae. Plus middle names, questions, and wat. Here are some of those XCOM 2 propaganda posters. Snake people? Don’t fuck them. Here’s the Prey demo. Also, West of Loathing. Everybody’s been playing that No Man’s Sky. Tom’s [...]...


Episode 201: The Seven Gun And Knife People You’ll Meet In Heaven
Chris, Tom and Tom discuss Artifact, the Dota 2 International, Hellblade, Shadow Tactics, The Shrouded Isle, Lawbreakers and more. Please note: we discuss the recent Hellblade debate, including some mechanical spoilers, from around the 28 minute mark to the 49 minute mark. After that, there’s a less-potentially-spoilery chat about the game itself. Here’s the announcement [...]...

Episode 200: You Think I’m A Lake, But I’m Just A Bunch More Sand
Pip, Chris, Tom and Tom celebrate 200 episodes the only way they know how: by doing another episode. Featuring The Long Dark, Tacoma, ducks, rum and time. Plus: looking forward to Guild Wars 2’s next expansion, the future of esports and VR and dancing and stuff as experienced at ChinaJoy, hastily abandoned segue ambitions, meditations [...]...

Episode 199: The Sum of Everything is Quern
Two Toms and a Pip gather to discuss the death of everything, Unity’s rep, Pyre, Walden, and QUERN. Also, mad clunking noises! We had to record on a table with the old mic this week, so apologies for the dip in sound quality. Normal services will resume shortly. Show notes: Contrary to what we thought on [...]...


Episode 198: Crying On The Shoulder Of A Ryan
Chris and Tom S are joined by PC Gamer editor-in-chief Samuel Roberts to discuss The Sexy Brutale, GTA Online and open world co-op. Then, suddenly, Pip! Plus: CBeebies on fire near the Sennheiser Gate, pulling out of Everything, old Dota grudges, the mysteries of the Sweaty Brutale, and an encounter with Kelvin in The David [...]...

Episode 197: Turd Act Plort Twist
Pip, Tom and Chris discuss VR, Hollow Knight, Slime Rancher, a little PUBG, esports, whether or not we should have more wine, and puns. Plus: quadges from quadges, bodily censure, the 7/10 fallacy, and loads more. Be summoned by the hot takes bell, be repelled by the heady tang of fresh plort. when you go [...]...

Episode 196: Ten Thousand Agility To France
Chris, Tom F and John R discuss Tyranny, Zombie Night Terror, Diablo III, Everspace, and so on. Also: a fate worse than Bejewelled Infinite, things gravity can’t do, and a briefcase full of snakes. New Overwatch man, Doomfist. Evil Genius 2 is being worked on by Rebellion. The first one was made by Elixir. John’s [...]...


Episode 195: Adjusted Columbo’s Rubberbanding Radius
Chris, Tom, Tom and secret Pip discuss Steam sales, Diablo III’s Necromancer, PlayerUnknown’s Battlegrounds, and more. Plus: meditations on the question of review-bombing, how the radishes are doing, assorted crime, and an extended discussion of Poirot for some reason. Looks like meat’s back on the prix fixe, boys. Diablo III got its Necromancer this week. [...]...

Episode 194: If All You Have Is A Bone Store, Every Problem Looks Like An Ossuary
Pip, Tom, Chris and Tom discuss mod drama, patch note etiquette, Dead Cells, Tekken 7, Nex Machina, and Dota 2’s co-op update. Plus: mangled metaphor, the worst names for things, time management, allergies, and more. Apologies for the dip in sound quality this episode: as we explain at the beginning, Britain’s heat wave rendered our [...]...

Episode 193: So Much For The Tolerant Elf
Tom, Chris and Tom talk their way through a gigantic pile of E3 announcements, including expansions for Dishonored 2 and XCOM 2, Shadow of War, and assorted pirates. Plus loads more: see the show notes below for a full list of games and their associated trailers. Far Cry 5: footage and a very silly picture [...]...


Episode 192: Ludomancers of Batman City
Chris, Tom F and Alex discuss the future of XCOM 2, the history of Andromeda, Worlds Adrift, Dead Cells, Dawn of War III, Battlegrounds, and more. Plus: methods of movement, the Warcraft movie, micro but perhaps too much, secret pantalons. Here’s the teaser image for Firaxis’ to-be-announced XCOM 2 thing. Kotaku’s article about Mass Effect: [...]...

Episode 191: Flamingos’ Uranium Legs
Chris, Pip and the Toms cannot resist chiming in on Far Cry 5 one last time, but move swiftly on to Tom S’s impressions of Destiny 2 on PC, Tom F’s of Caveblazers and Legacy of the Void, and Chris and Pip’s differing feelings on the much-changed Dota 2. We hadn’t seen the actual trailer [...]...

Prey: A Lock-In at The Crate and Crowbar
Just in time for the weekend! Chris, Tom F and John R discuss the successes and failings of Arkane’s beautifully-designed sci-fi horror being-a-cup simulator. Needless to say, this one-off special episode is completely rammed with spoilers from the outset. If you haven’t played Prey all the way through to the end – and past the [...]...


Episode 190: You Can Extrude A Beard
Chris, Tom F and Tokyo 42 creators Sean and Maciek discuss Tokyo 42, game secrets, Far Cry 5, Offworld Trading Company, Forts, Edith Finch and loads more. As is said at the beginning of this episode, we hit our first serious technical problems while recording this week. As such there are a few gaps and [...]...

Episode 189: And You Can Have The Hated Holiday Elf
Chris, Tom F, Pip and a deck of Lego cards discuss Hanano, puzzle game design, Endless Space 2, pre-pre-E3 news, and more. Plus: a bumper helping of grudges, Chris’ flimsy manifesto, the fallacy of rock-paper-scissors, the duality of Linux as both man and penguin. In which Ubisoft announce a series of logos, some of which [...]...

Episode 188: West, Aft, South And Down
Chris, Tom F, Tom S, and bonus Pip discuss Prey! Lots of Prey. Lots o’ Prey. Also: Risk of Rain, Assassin’s Creed and Far Cry rumours, gimbal lock, and fascinating regional WASD. Give that toaster an extension cable. Hopoo Games’ Risk of Rain 2 translates a 2D roguelike to all three dimensions. Assassin’s Creed: Origins. [...]...


Episode 187: The Contenxt of Bundvr Chegg
Chris, Tom F, Alex and a modicum of Pip discuss Prey, Exo One, Dawn of War III, and What Remains of Edith Finch. Two hours of actual podcast: one bonus hour that we will never speak of again. Also: increasingly poor startup pitches, missing swans, goblins, pro StarCraft, walking simulator naming conventions, too much rum, [...]...

Episode 186: Big Crab Claw, Little Crab Claw, Cardboard Box
Chris, Tom S and Tom F discuss Phoenix Point, Vanquish, N++, The Signal From Tolva, Elite Dangerous and more. Then: a wild Pip appears? Plus: Destiny on PC! Dice in the wrong places! Penguins! Games on laptops! Plugs! Lambrini! Buckets! Ending! Every! Word! With! An! Exclamation! Mark! Phoenix Point is Julian Gollop’s new game, or [...]...

Episode 185: In The Passion Pond At Red Tide
Chris, Tom, Pip and returning guest Tim Wicksteed discuss Megaquarium, Golf For Workgroups, Battlefront 2 and much more. Plus: returning to Hearthstone, a little Dota 2, Unexplored, Loot Rascals, Hackmud, and your questions. Tim’s game is Megaquarium. It’s about a mega aquarium. His previous game was Big Pharma. It’s not about a big farmer. Behond [...]...


Episode 184: RANK0 The Robert
Chris and a full complement of Toms discuss new developments in Overwatch and Minecraft as well as Bayonetta, The Signal From Tolva, and a little bit of Mass Effect: Andromeda. Plus: stealin’ guys, the death of Eggman, moon resistance, poor broccoli timing, robot road manners, game dreams, the Andromeda question, and rum. And wine. Tom’s [...]...

Episode 183: Dogs Have No Answer
Live at Rezzed 2017! Pip, Chris and Graham talk about the games they’ve seen and played at the show and then field questions from REAL PEOPLE. There are some audio issues with this episode due to the unavoidable consequences of trying to get three allegedly-competent people to speak to both each other and a handheld [...]...

Episode 182: An Enduring Wahey
Chris and Alex talk Destiny 2, Night in the Woods, Stories Untold, and pioneer a predominantly grunt-based review scale. Also: game soundtracks, people-as-limited-content-nodes, sports (?!), lore and the nice robots. Eight-hundred-and-twenty! It’s a four pod week! In addition to today’s live show at EGX Rezzed, you can check out episode two of Chris and Tom’s [...]...


Horizon Zero Dawn: A Lock-In at The Crate and Crowbar
A little bonus pod for you this week: Tom F dials in from Seattle with an hour of his thoughts on free-roaming robot dinosaur adventure Horizon: Zero Dawn. Tom will be returning to the podcast proper very soon. You can listen to this episode on YouTube, if you prefer. Music, as ever, is from Clambake [...]...

Episode 181: Bros Before Bows
WALLOPING HOWDY and welcome to episode 181, in which Pip, Chris and Tom S gather to very carefully not spoil Mass Effect: Andromeda, Future Unfolding and Nier: Automata. THEN, questions! What would truly advanced AI do to games? Football clubs running esports teams? Best cats in games? What is co-op? Plus, another grudge! Keep ‘em [...]...

Episode 180: ‘Til I See Marianne Despawn
Pip, Tom and Chris discuss Dawn of War III, No Man’s Sky, Mass Effect: Andromeda and other space things besides. Plus: things that are more than a feeling, the joy of jumping, delicious salt, the golden frog of shoes, and our most joyous walloping howdies. Also, Pip remembers some lore. We’re doing a live show [...]...


Episode 179: Tom Clancy’s Club Penguin
Chris, Pip and Alex recap GDC, find various uses for a Steam Link and double-tap Ghost Recon: Wildlands. Plus! Our favourite history podcasts, goat-bonking Bloodbowl 2 action, the world circa 2003 and 2016 and the question of whether Ed Sheeran looks like all games journalists or whether all games journalists look like Ed Sheeran. Goats [...]...

Episode 178: We Don’t Make The Rules In The Void
Chris and Tom’s timelines converge for a chat about open-world design in Sniper Elite 4 and a deep-dive into Torment: Tides of Numenera. Plus, we’ve got some exciting podcast news to share! Any spatial, temporal or causal anomalies encountered while listening to this week’s episode are not the responsibility of The Crate and Crowbt̶i̴m̴e̷l̵i̶n̶e̴c̴o̴l̸l̴a̶p̶s̷e̷t̴i̵m̶e̶l̴i̵n̶e̸c̶o̷l̶l̸a̶p̴s̴e̵t̵i̷m̶e̸l̷i̸n̸e̸c̴o̸l̶l̴a̸p̷ṡ̷͖̠͙͓̓͒̚e̴̡̥̺̐ṫ̵̮͖͗i̷̧͆͝m̸̬̯̗̎͆̌͝ȩ̸̘͍͒l̵͓̝̄̋̑̌͜i̷̟͊͠ñ̷̥̈́̿̈ë̸̝̤͇̳́͑̋c̸̡̞͌͠ǫ̸̫͔̹́̓l̵...

Episode 177: The Unending Terror of Flavourtown
Chris is joined by special guests Alex Wiltshire and John Roberts to discuss Sniper Elite 4, Night In The Woods, Killing Floor: Incursion, and flavourtown. Plus: Mass Effect excitement, the lamentable state of television videogames and videogame dresses, bears, dolphins, and more. Mass Effect: Andromeda is weeks away and two thirds of us are pretty [...]...


Episode 176: Tearaway Thomas Was Alone
Chris, Pip and Tom discuss Sherlock Holmes: Crimes and Punishments, Sniper Elite 4, For Honor, and many, many grudges. Plus: good and bad sound-based puzzles, the correct way to eat a Jaffa Cake, and long pauses. Pip’s been uncovering Sherlock Holmes’ colon Crimes and/or Punishments. Tom has been wrestling with the bollock-popping complexity of Sniper [...]...

Episode 175: Amn And Pickle Sandwich
Tom, Chris and Pip discuss FIFA gambling legal business, House of Many Doors, Valley, Pit People, and more. Plus: your questions, your grudges, your 90s celebrity pairings, your unprofessional workplace relationship with a skeleton, your entirely warranted problem with playing games with Chris. Here is Eurogamer’s article about the FIFA gambling situation. It has quotes [...]...

Episode 174: Dogs Are Naked
Chris, Tom and special guest Alex Wiltshire settle in to discuss Mass Effect controversy existentialism, Resident Evil 7, Conan: Exiles, Card Quest and much more. Plus: the dystopia we live in, the difference between crates and crowbars, dong chat, and so on. The Crate & Crowbar is once again supported by our Patreon backers! You [...]...


Episode 173: Diane, The Kobolds Here Are Excellent
Pip, Tom and Chris discuss Resident Evil 7, Unity of Command, Blood Bowl 2, videogame marketing, surviving long RPGs, and more. The Crate & Crowbar is once again supported by our Patreon backers! You can find out more about what that means on our Patreon page. Thansforbackin, errybody. This is Early Ninja. We do not [...]...

Episode 172: Mysterium Girl
Chris, Tom and Pip discuss Mysterium, XCOM 2’s Long War 2 mod, Elite Dangerous, She Remembers Caterpillars, and more. Plus: your questions about lore, achievements, replayability, our experience of game development, and more. The Crate & Crowbar is (once again) supported by your kind Patreon donations. Check out our updated Patreon page right here. Please [...]...

Episode 171: HAR$H MELON
Pip, Tom and Chris discuss the future of the podcast, the future of Half-Life, Stellaris, Paladins, Ludum Dare and more. Plus: we attempt to tackle the questions backlog, a hubristic folly that results in the tearing of the pod-time contiuum and brings about the age of the Omega Pip. Sorry. Show notes Tom F is [...]...


Episode 170: He Used To Be A Cowboy, Now He’s A Butternut Squash
Pip, Chris and both Toms convene for a comprehensive look back at 2016. By which we mean that this episode is three hours long and involves 30-odd games. This is our last episode for 2016, and per tradition you can also find a proper video version on YouTube. If you’d prefer to listen to a [...]...

Episode 169: USB Hub Mikkelsen
Chris and Tom discuss Death Stranding, Prey, Mass Effect: Andromeda, Diaries of a Spaceport Janitor, Future Unfolding, Inside, and more. Plus: Darkest Dungeon (again), Spelunky (again), FTL (again), some Dishonored 2 (again), Titanfall 2 (again) and even a little Dota 2 (again). We likes what we likes, okay? Here’s the new Death Stranding trailer from [...]...

Episode 168: Grainy Wizard Vision
Tom F, Pip and John gather to discuss the big No Man’s Sky update, adventure games convention Adventure X, Watch Dogs 2, strange interactive scenes in ISLANDS, and yes, inevitably a bit of Dishonored 2. First proper vid of Signal From Tolva being played. You can watch Pip tangle with ambling weirdos in the No [...]...


Episode 167: Badgers Can’t Strafe
Pip, Chris and Tom F gather on the eve of another Steam Sale to discuss awards, the badgers of Meadow, a slew of IGF entries and Stellaris. Plus: strange leveling systems part two, stealth essentials, face-shoes, and, er, muffs. Here’s the Steam Autumn Sale and its associated awards thingy. Here’s what happens when you probe [...]...

Dishonored 2: A Lock-In at The Crate and Crowbar
We’ve finally done it! After years of talking about doing one-off special episodes on particular topics, we’ve actually recorded one. In this three-hour-long mega-episode, Chris and Tom talk their way through a bottle of whisky and every mission in Dishonored 2. Needless to say, heavy spoilers follow: listen to this when you’ve completed the game, [...]...

Episode 166: A Bit Of A Clusterpickle
Chris and Pip sit down for a long chat about Dishonored 2, ProcJam, and increasingly diverse tangents loosely inspired by your questions. The Overwatch update is live. Hooray. Lovely Dishonored 2. Will we ever stop banging on about you? Perhaps not. Here again is Pip’s ‘non-lethal’ attempt at the first mission in the game. Pip’s [...]...


Episode 165: Perfectly Symmetra Violence Never Solved Anything
Pip, Chris, Tom and Tom talk Mass Effect Andromeda, Dishonored 2, Call of Duty: Infinite Warfare, and snakes vs baby iguanas. Diablo 3’s Necromancer is a ‘pack’ but not an expansion pack, shrug emojii. Sombra’s short: a boop too far? We all had very mixed reactions to the cinematic trailer for Mass Effect: Andromeda. Here’s [...]...

Episode 164: The Real Blizzard Lizard Was The Friends We Made Along The Way
Pip, Chris, Tom F and crowscrowscrows’ Jack de Quidt spend three silly hours indulging in SPOOKY HALLOWEEN CHAT about BlizzCon reveals we don’t know about yet, this year in social media managers, Titanfall 2, Hitman, League of Legends, Battlefield 1 and much nonsense besides. Jack is from crowscrowscrows, who made Dr. Langeskov. He’s also part [...]...

Episode 163: Jane Austen In The Amphitheatre
Tom F, Tom S and John R word their thoughts on Civilization VI, The Final Station, and Abzu. Not on our usual mics for this one, apologies for the uneven recording. Everyone loves Civilization VI except the two people who talk about it on this podcast. Battlefield 1 is out, drawing us all reluctantly and [...]...


Episode 162: Sweeney’s Metaverse
Chris, Tom F and Tom S gather to talk about Tom F’s adventures at Valve dev days, before moving onto VR RPG Vanishing Realms, Thumper and Battlefield 1. Plus! Your questions, of course, including an excellent inquiry about the viability of a Peppa Pig Dungeon Keeper crossover, and the problems with 4X games. Oh yes, [...]...

Episode 161: The Canterbury Singularity
Pip and Chris convene to discuss Riot’s new board game, Sunless Sea’s new expansion, Dishonored’s old successes, and more. Plus: your many questions, our many questions, and more tangents than both of these things combined. Here’s Pip’s review of Mechs vs. Minions, the League of Legends board game. …and Pip’s interview with its creators. Farabel, [...]...

Episode 160: Guns Don’t Kill People, The Robots Attached To My Body Do
Pip, Chris and Tom Francis discuss Amazon’s trio of recent game announcements, Burly Men at Sea, Battlerite, Hitman, various 4X space games, and Thumper. Also: Adam Jensen’s detachable arms and legs, interactive fiction games we can’t remember the names of, Niddhog 2’s art, the state of competitive League of Legends, a bit of cheeky nipple [...]...


Episode 159: Death of a Naked Roboticist
Tom S tells a tale of his ill-fated Rimworld colony, Tom F decisively orders his crew to continue drowning in Sunless Sea, and Chris finds Battlerite gets battles surprisingly right. Show notes: The Firewatch folks are teaming up with movie studio Good Universe to make both games and films, starting with a movie of Firewatch. [...]...

Episode 158: I Swear It’s Just The Stapler Aura
Tom F, Chris and Pip discuss Fractured Space, Wheels of Aurelia and Virginia while checking in on Star Wars: Battlefront and Hitman. Plus: mum-approved VR experiences, visible indiscretions, and cakes from John Lewis. Here’s Battlefront’s new Death Star dulk. Fine, DLC. …also Star Wars: Rebellion, a board game, which is better. Fractured Space is a [...]...

Episode 157: Programmer Art, Artist’s Code
This week Tom F, Tom S and Chris T are joined by special guest Zack Johnson for a mega-pod. We talk about recent Steam review changes, before moving on to discuss Chris Metzen’s departure from Blizzard and marvel at Mankind Divided’s magnificent bank. Also! Spooky text adventures, sweet online card duels, inventory system woes and [...]...


Episode 156: Subjective Butter
Chris, Pip and Tom S climb into the hot takes hot rod to deliver searingly mild opinions on the ARK controversy, Seasons After Fall, Battlefield 1 and more. Plus: Pip’s rom-com MMO, things that are or aren’t butter depending on your point of view, and a hit-or-miss attempt at answering your questions. Ark devs respond [...]...

Episode 155: The Fourth Dimension Is Water
Tom F returns from the forests of Sweden and joins Pip, Alex and John to discuss: what Tom was doing in the forests of Sweden, Obduction, Deus Ex: Mankind Divided, Tricky Towers, Fallout 4: Nuka World, and what features we’d want our augmented limbs to have. Show notes: Tom’s been at Stugan! A game developers’ [...]...

Episode 154: Just Go Over There And Be A Cyborg, You Bastard!
Chris and Pip join Tom for a deep dive into Deus Ex: Mankind Divided as well as brief returns to No Man’s Sky and Star Citizen. It’s a very sci-fi sort of week. Also featuring: fantasy whiffle, dance emote esoterica, the British and American middle classes, cyberpunk, and noir. Here’s The Signal From Tolva, Jim [...]...


Episode 153: No Moon For Superman
Chris, Tom S and Pip return to discuss Gamescom news (such as it is) and the topic of the hour: the successes and failures of No Man’s Sky. Is it nice, or not nice at all? Who has been wronged, and how much, and does it matter? And so on. Also: your questions, several unsupportably [...]...

Episode 152: Learn To Octopus
This week Chris, Tom and Pip gather to immerse themselves in the soothing and faintly irritating waters of Abzu, before toweling off with Quadrilateral Cowboy and magical Dota 2 VR spectator experiences. Also! Will will see VR versions of games become commonplace? Will an assassination attempt from a piece of frozen blackberry take Pip out? [...]...

Episode 151: Captain Buffalo
It’s just Pip and Chris this week, discussing everything from Botanicula to Total War: Warhammer stopping at Jalopy, Poly Bridge, Grow Home, Street Fighter V and more along the way. Plus: skull rain, Tesla’s surprising grandson, sausage crime, accessible 4X, and the villainous Soviet beasts of the Great Plains. Rainbow 6: Siege’s new expansion is [...]...


Episode 150: Wanted: “Dogger”
Pip, Chris and Tom enter the world’s hottest podcast studio to deliver even hotter takes on Firewatch, Grand Theft Auto V’s online mode, and VR takes on Star Wars and cyberpunk. Also: Pip’s questionable understanding of what goes on in Goldshire, welcoming LeChuck into your family, and more. Pip’s been playing Firewatch! Grand Theft Auto [...]...

Episode 149: God Only Knows What I’d Do Without Beard
Chris, Pip and The Last Tom discuss Overwatch’s latest update, the definitely-not-a-comedy horror of Inside, and tentative first steps in Star Citizen. Also: we remember amnesia, top twists, and lovely tasty salty eels. Here’s Overwatch’s new hero, Ana. Pip and Tom have been playing the latest sad-boy-walks-right ’em up, Inside. Pip put together this roundup [...]...

Episode 148: Upgrade Malaise
Tom F, Tom S and Alex Wiltshire gather to discuss the latest goings-on in the world of CS:GO gun skin gambling, before turning their attention to many wonderful videogames, including Concrete Jungle, Far Cry Primal, 35MM, House of the Dying Sun and, for some reason, Kingdoms of Amalur: Reckoning. Apologies for the dip in sound [...]...


Episode 147: His Red Right Hook
Pip, Chris and John Roberts discuss the new Steam Sale, Darkest Dungeon, Steamworld Heist, The Last Leviathan, and more. Also: a bit of Homeworld: Deserts of Kharak, good and bad steampunk, designing a heist, and dog and cat tales. Here’s Homeworld: Deserts of Kharak and its lovely cylinders. Our hot Steam Sale picks, some of [...]...

Episode 146: Closing The Vault Door After The Horse Has Exploded
Chris, Tom, Pip and John Roberts gather in a more innocent time to discuss House of the Dying Sun, Warcraft 3, Fallout 4’s latest DLC, Dex, Mirror’s Edge Catalyst, and more. Also: the ethics of game advertising, making in-game death great again, the strange life of games on television, and the toppest of top tarps. [...]...

Episode 145: Eat Prey Love
Chris, Pip and Tom F discuss the many things that piqued their interest amongst the E3 trailer storm. Full list, with fresh footage of each: Titanfall 2 Mass Effect: Andromeda (and Chris’s analysis thereof) FIFA 17 Quake Champions Skyrim Special Edition Prey Dishonored 2 (and the D1 stealth kills video Tom mentions) Oxygen Not Included Dual [...]...


Episode 144: The Dark Price of Turnips
Chris, Tom and Tom discuss our E3 predictions, the changing social face of multiplayer, Hitman, Total War: Warhammer, and the latest from Alan Hazelden. Plus! Life lessons from gaming, tabletop competition life, the future of Warcraft, the diverse currencies of the Old World, and Patrick Stewart’s NGage. Mass Effect: Andromeda. If it’s not at E3, [...]...

Episode 143: Waiters Gonna Wait
Chris, two Toms and a Pip convene to discuss the Fable online card game thing, the Warcraft movie, Hitman’s latest elusive target, Blood and Wine and, for some reason, WWE 2K16. Also, Pip’s terrifying clown town in SimCity. Then on we go to questions from questions for discussion on how to go solo in Overwatch and [...]...

Episode 142: Luck of the Chance
Chris, Pip, Tom F and John Roberts gather to chat about our favourite Overwatch heroes now that it’s out, Warhammer: Total War, Duskers, Fallout 4: Far Harbour, XCOM 2: Alien Hunters, and Imbroglio. Here’s Eurogamer’s Chris Bratt showing off some of what Blizzard revealed about Overwatch’s sound design trickery. Here’s Chris baiting a Reinhardt into [...]...


Episode 141: The Opposite of Wasps
Pip, Chris and Tom F sit down for a long chat about Dishonored 2, Hitman’s elusive target, Doom, and Pip’s trip to China to see League of Legends. Plus: Pip’s definition of ‘opposite’ confounds Tom, Shanghai park adventures, and many tangents besides. Here’s Chris’ writeup of his time looking at Dishonored 2 and going ooo [...]...

Episode 140: The Takes Are Burning
Welcome to The Crate and Crowbar episode 140, also known as Crate and Crowbar 1. Chris, Tom and Tom gather to discuss the new stupidly named Battlefield game as well as the Vive, Dawn of War 3, The Witcher 3: Blood and Wine, Offworld Trading Company and more. Also, this week questions from questions session [...]...

Episode 139: 360 No-Feelings
Chris, Pip and Tom chat about Call of Duty: Infinite Warfare, Dawn of War 3, Battleborn, Tom’s impressions of the Vive, Pip’s fish-fancying in Subnautica, and Chris and Tom’s thoughts on Hitman Episode 2. War. War never finites. That classic Call of Duty truism is immortalised in the Infinite Warfare reveal trailer. Tom S has [...]...


Episode 138: Kraken Law
Chris, Pip and Tom Senior gather to discuss Alien day, Call of Duty in space, Space Marines in spaceships in space, Pip in cars in Europe in the 1980s, and Chris on tables. Also: the Dota 2 patch tangent that becomes a League of Legends tangent that becomes a games archiving tangent, acknowledged bants, and [...]...

Episode 137: The Big Bird of Yordle Land
Chris, Tom Francis and new podcast regular Pip Warr discuss Pyre, Stephen’s Sausage Roll, Cradle, Dark Souls III and shit mangoes. Plus: further musings on difficulty, Chaucer’s Mario Kart, and Tom’s hiccups. Hic! Show notes: Here’s the Pyre launch trailer and associated PlayStation blog. Pyre’s power ballad reminds Pip of League of Legends’ finest esports [...]...

Episode 136: Viscera Cleanup on the Obra Dinn
Chris and the Toms chat about Titanfall 2’s announcement, Introversion’s new prototypes, VR puppetry, Dark Souls 3, Return of the Obra Dinn and Viscera Cleanup Detail. What is it to be a teaser? This Titanfall 2 hero investigates. This is what you look like playing Sluggy’s Fruit Emporium, you great lump. Pip on Introversion’s cave-based [...]...


Episode 135: Her Fireball Is Basically Dolphins
Chris, Tom S and Tom F talk about things they haven’t tried – the Rift and Fallout 4’s DLC – and things they have: GUILTY GEAR Xrd -SIGN-, The Culling, and Hitman 2016. The delightful moment in the Giant Bomb Rift stream when the player sees their avatar for the first time. Microsoft’s Holoportation technology [...]...

Episode 134: They Killed Aethelred!
Chris and Tom F are joined by Alex Wiltshire of Sensible Object to discuss GDC, Mass Effect, Danganronpa, a little XCOM, a little Star War, and more. Apologies for the audio issues about seven minutes in: Chris had to cross the room to fix Alex’s microphone stand while everybody else pretended that this wasn’t happening. [...]...

Episode 133: Stylish Chino Helivac
Tom Senior and Chris relax with a glass of Merlot to discuss the people-feel-different-ways-about-it-ness of The Division, assorted Warhammer games, Paragon, and more. Plus: shocking reminders of our mortality; things that are (and are not) skeletons; fix your game with orcs; the Tom Senior 6-out-of-10 power hour. Tom Clancy’s The Division. Who will protect America [...]...


Episode 132: There Is No Word For Sidebellion
Chris and Tom F are joined by Gunpoint/Heat Signature/Kinect Star Wars artist John Roberts to talk Far Cry Primal, The Flame and the Flood, Far Cry Primal, Frozen Synapse 2, Far Cry Primal, and Far Cry Primal. Also: Shadowhand, Shardlight, adventure games, VR, and Microsoft’s latest run of unpopular decisions. Tim Sweeney takes an editorial [...]...

Episode 131: Weird Owl Yankovic
This very special episode is our emotionless and dry-eyed farewell to Marsh Davies, who has no strong feelings on his time here as he leaves us for the neutral nation of Swedonia. He’s joined by Tom F and Chris to talk SUPERHOT, the Flame in the Flood, Far Cry Primal, and Kingdom Come: Deliverance. SUPERHOT‘s [...]...

Episode 130: Four Weddings And No Funerals
Marsh, Tom F and Chris talk about their terrible marriages, Marsh explains why no-one dies in the new Hitman beta, Tom recounts his overpowered XCOM team’s most humiliating defeat, and Chris brags about his score in Devil Daggers. Also discussed: Californium, Prospekt, Street Fighter V, the Vive’s price, and good gaming coffee table books. Show [...]...


Episode 129: Tongues Aren’t Bullets
In which there is Major Pod News! Graham, Marsh, Tom S and Chris discuss life-changes, beat the Firewatch sasquatch, have a very civil civil war over XCOM 2 and leave Street Fighter V to nurse its wounds. Plus: things Lara can do with a baked bean tin, the charms and challenges of Elite’s standalone dogfighting [...]...

Episode 128: I Think, Therefore I’m Probably A Gun
Chris, Tom and Marsh gather to discuss the return of Overwatch, the start of Firewatch and the end of The Witness (no spoilers, mind.) Plus: war is hell in XCOM, the highs and lows of Rise of the Tomb Raider, and a cheeky bit of Rainbow 6. Then we answer your questions and Tom talks [...]...

Episode 127: Tombs That Are Sometimes Actually Boats
The games, they keep on coming. Tom S, Tom F, Marsh and Graham gather to discuss The Division beta, XCOM 2, The Witness and Rise of the Tomb Raider. Also discussed: our favourite aliens, our favourite snow, and more on Tom’s ball problem. Show notes Crusader King 2 has a new expansion! But it’s the [...]...


Episode 126: No Ifs, Only Butts
Chris, Tom F and Marsh gather to contemplate the vitally important announcement of Frozen 2, before moving on 0.3 seconds later to the wonders of The Witness. Tom alters friendships forever without noticing in Oxenfree, and Chris explores the extraordinary but partially assembled world of Torment: Tides of Numenera. Also: bumflaps, the wondrous shuddery transitions of [...]...

Episode 125: An Udder Full Of Dollars And A Will To Kill
Tom F, Chris, and Graham discuss Hitman is going fully episodic, whether That Dragon Cancer needs to be a game, climbing on people in Dragon’s Dogma, reporting meadows in Firewatch, interrupting teens in Oxenfree, and what we’re most looking forward to this year. Show notes: Hitman’s gone episodic. It was going to launch with 4 [...]...

Episode 124: Dogs Smell Backwards
In which our beauties are in place. Tom F and Marsh are joined by excellent nice man, AI expert and actual doctor, Mike Cook. They discuss: Master Spy, Kingdom, Nuclear Throne, Rainbow Six, Dark Nexus Arena and Pony Island. Plus: what Mike and Marsh have been making together; whether our Ocu-lust has been diminished by [...]...


Episode 123: Wizards Fling From The Back
In which all podders assemble! Marsh, Chris, Tom F, Tom S and Graham run through their many picks for the best games of 2015, before making a desperate attempt to name just one game each. Also discussed: nothing, because we liked a lot of games this year. Because all five of us are on this [...]...

Episode 122: Becoming The Winged Idiot You Hate
In which Graham and Marsh discuss the tubular murders of Rainbow Six: Siege – an amazing game parcelled up in horror. Tom F tethers himself to Just Cause 3 and uses up too many characters of this description in Dr. Langeskov, The Tiger, And The Terri …bly Cursed Emerald: A Whirlwind Heist, which is a [...]...

Episode 121: The Fallout Filibuster
Chris, Pip, Graham and Tom F talk Just Cause 3’s dodgy state, Spiderling’s web shot, Wizard Detective’s wizard-detecting, being honest in Subterfuge, Paladin’s arbitrary cards, and games that make travel fun. Show notes Just Cause 3 still has ‘mixed’ user reviews on Steam. A patch is promised for stuttering issues, but no word about interrupting [...]...


Episode 120: Multi-Man Ennui Takedown
It’s an all-new Tom sandwich. The filling? A mangy old slice of Chris. Discussed? The future of Bioshock, Assassin’s Creed: Syndicate, Invisible, Inc., and the failings of Star Wars: Battlefront. Plus your many questions, encompassing such topics as orbital lasers, worthy games for kids, and the further highs and lows of Star Wars: The Old [...]...

Episode 119: Plural as F**k
Marsh finds himself trapped in a Tom sandwich for nearly two hours of chat about hacking in Darknet, battling bad genre in The Old Republic, misusing Wyverns in Heart of Thorns and mistreating settlers in Fallout 4. Also! Your questions from questions, which were so good this week we couldn’t get through them all. We [...]...

Episode 118: Mother Bonanza Of Alien Goodies
In which Marsh, Chris and Graham gather to discuss the mother bonanza of game release season, including Fallout 4, StarCraft 2: Legacy of the Void, Cryptark, Call of Duty: Black Ops 3, Football Manager, more thoughts on Overwatch and reports from Blizzcon. Phew! Also discussed: whether you can go MMO home, who is responsible for [...]...


Episode 117: Explain Caduceus 2015
In which we don’t talk about the Time War. Tom returns from Indiecade with myriad thoughts on, er, Myriad, the caveman japes of Tribal And Error – and much more! Chris and Marsh stem the Vermintide and ruminate on the conclusion of Life Is Strange. Plus: Chris’s further, less effusive thoughts on Overwatch; what cartoons [...]...

Episode 116: Future Rollerbards
Chris, Graham and Tom Senior join a one-time returning guest (it’s a microphone) to discuss Overwatch, the rise and fall of Mouse Universe 25, Wheels of Aurelia, and other things I guess. Also: SimAnt, HAC, the PC’s most useless peripherals, hype, and so on. Show notes Overwatch! It’s in beta now. Post-pod, Chris has a [...]...

Episode 115: Shrimp Pigs Bisected For Food
Slime moulds Tom, Marsh and Graham coalesce to edge their squishy tendrils across the puzzling surfaces of Mushroom 11, Human Resource Machine, Keep Talking And Nobody Explodes, and vertical platformer Downwell. Also discussed: the unquestionable Britishness of space; the best cartography in gaming; what better AI means for games; the benefits of Nuclear Throne’s new [...]...


Episode 114: Toilet Puncher’s Infinite Surrender
Chris, Marsh, Graham and Tom Francis convene to discuss meeting John Rhys Davies, mixing drugs in Big Pharma, going blind trying to escape Prison Architect, and getting lost in the cities of Angels Fall First. Show notes Deus Ex Revision is a mod revamping some bits of the original Deus Ex, free on Steam. We [...]...

Episode 113: Give Me Eighty Days And A Wizard
Chris, Marsh, Tom Senior and Tom Francis join forces with the brand-new audio equipment that YOU bought and that Marsh PROBABLY set up correctly to talk Far Cry Primal, Overwatch, Soma, Armello, Deus Ex: Mankind Divided and more. Also: spasm dandruff, that awkward moment when you forget to include a screen in your beautiful esport [...]...

Episode 112: The Boy’s Got Snakes
Tune in for top Tudor bants from Chris, Graham, Marsh and “special” guest, Pip Warr. Also: Wildstar’s gone wild, the moral pachinko of Life Is Strange, the manners of 80 Days, the aural oddities of Panoramical and the pig hats of Hardland. Plus: the exact state of Henry VIII’s legs; when it’s okay to reload; [...]...


Episode 111: To Be This Thanks For Listening Everybody
Tom, Marsh, Graham and special guest Rich Stanton gather to discuss the failings of BBC drama The Gamechangers, terrible psychological studies, and their thoughts on Circa Infinity, Undertale and Hearthstone’s The Grand Tournament expansion. Also discussed: the perils of free-to-play game deisgn; the joys of physics explorer Grow Home, which games we always carry with [...]...

Episode 110: The State Committee For Game Journalism
In which we have nothing to lose but our chains. Marsh tearfully defends Heroes of the Storm’s scrubland, Tom Senior is dragged back to Diablo III’s sublime hell, and Naked Punished Tom Francis extracts further delights from Metal Gear Solid V. Also, it’s triples all round as we celebrate the launch of Chris Thursten’s new [...]...

Episode 109: Actual Dog’s Stun Knife
Chris, Graham and Tom F are joined by Elite Dangerous and Gunpoint artist John Roberts, who is extra welcome this week as the only person who’s played anything other than Metal Gear Solid V. Once the rest of us finish enthusing about that, he’ll tell you about isometric horror Stasis. Also: Ubisoft’s theme park, great [...]...


Episode 108: And Then You’re A Bard
Tom Francis, Marsh, Tom Senior and Chris are joined by Big Pharma creator Tim Wicksteed to discuss drugs that are more side effect than effect, the seductive balloon rides of MGS V, and stealing other people’s stuff in King of Dragon Pass. Also: Deus Ex fights its way back into the Disastrous Prerelease Marketing World [...]...

Episode 107: Laser Explosions In The Future
Marsh, Tom S and Graham gather to discuss the looming mecha dickbot of Metal Gear Solid V: The Phantom Pain, the small remote-controlled bots of Duskers, the time manipulation combat of Superhot and the importance of comedy in Portal 2. Also discussed: fairness in roguelikes, the kerfuffle over corpses in Darkest Dungeon, the fate of [...]...

Episode 106: The Archers: Apocalypse
This week Marsh, Chris, Tom and Tom consider the investment possibilities of Fig, before turning their attention to a very British apocalypse in Everybody’s Gone To The Rapture; the campaign frustrations of StarCraft 2: Heart of the Swarm and perhaps the oddest game Marsh has ever described out loud. Also! Neat hacking games, great gaming [...]...


Episode 105: Cartoon Russia or Deep Space
Graham just got back from Gamescom, Chris just got back from The International, and Tom F just got back from staying home playing videogames. We talk Mirror’s Edge, Mad Max, Planetoid Privateers, Just Cause 3, Valve VR, and more Endless Legend stories. Show notes: “Don’t judge a book by it’s cover” is a thing people [...]...

Episode 104: Don’t Whittle Your Death-Balls
In which kangaroos are hench. We inhale the heady aroma of Gamescom and discuss its various offerings, Tom F tells another tale of Endless Legend, Tom S flips through N++ and Marsh recounts the cautionary Kickstarter yarn of Zombie Playground. Plus, the latest splutterings about Life Is Strange Episode 4, some inexpert opinions on The [...]...

Episode 103: Palpate To Make It Fart Stingers
Tom F struggles to make peace with peace lizards in Endless Legend; Tom S struggles to make peace with the problems of The Swindle; Marsh struggles to make war using the physics combat of Feist; and Graham relishes the lack of struggle in Rocket League. Also discussed: why Tomb Raider marks the death of the [...]...


Episode 102: No Match For The Lily Pad
Tom F, Chris and Marsh talk Patreon gratitude, dodging the FPS Police, losing to vegetation in Caves of Qud, throwing a mushroom-hating corpse into a prison in The Magic Circle, researching your enemies in a Dota 2 tournament, and premature celebration at Evo. Also: were modding tools friendly than game-making ones are now? Should games [...]...

Episode 101: Super Enduring Love Turbo
In which cars belong in bowls. Chris, Tom, Marsh and Graham deliver only the coldest takes on Rainbow Six: Siege, Rocket League, nightmare number hole Clicker Heroes and Virginia Woolf’s Awkward Dinosaur Dinner Party, aka, ARK: Survival Evolved. Plus: the war against the sparrows continues; the dubious morality of accountancy with friends; things you can [...]...

Episode 100: Rando No. 5
It’s our hundredth episode! Chris, Tom F, Tom S, Marsh and Graham discuss Axiom Verge, Arkham Knight, Team Fortress 2, Infinifactory, and the podcasts you should be listening to instead. Also featuring the surprising genius of Toki Tori, Geralt’s sexy human tip-ex, Batman’s brand-consciousness, the rise and fall and rise of capture the flag, and [...]...


Episode 099: I Didn’t Ask For This, I Feel Dead Bad
Chris, Marsh, Graham and Tom F scurry from noisy neighbours, chattering as they go about the Batman PC fiasco, the cleverness of Her Story, solving boarding school scandals in Black Closet, and feeling too powerful in Deus Ex: Human Revolution. Show notes Freedom of panorama is the law that makes it OK to set a [...]...

Episode 098: Sexy Plants Sexy, Bats And Stoicism
Chris, Tom and Graham gather in the podcave to discuss the brief appearance of Batman: Arkham Knight, the possible disappearance of indie developer Tale of Tales and the editable appearance of Dota Reborn. Plus: indie sales figures, why we like non-lethal methods in games, the Steam top ten (for reasons), whether anything is as fun [...]...

Episode 097: Reload Your Mana Brain
In which Chris, Tom and Marsh attempt to shrug off a massive E3-induced sleep deficit to talk almost lucidly about men with giant moon faces, snakey boobs and the mega-bearded DarkLorde. Also every game we care about from E3. So that includes but is not limited to: the new Deus Ex, Hitman, Just Cause, XCom, [...]...


Episode 096: Massive Nazi Cabbage
Tom, Marsh and Tom brace for E3 with a look at the latest announcements, like Mirror’s Edge Catalyst, Fallout 4 and The Tomorrow Corporation’s Human Resource Machine. Tom S evangelises about Her Story, Tom F examines the merits of post-apocalypse sim Overland and Marsh tries to process the experience of playing Gynophobia. But! Do bad [...]...

Episode 095: Super Fast On A Proper Horse
Marsh, Chris, Tom F and Graham gather amid birdsong to discuss news of Fallout 4, XCOM 2 and Steam refunds, plus puzzling citybuilder Concrete Jungle, The Witcher 3’s card game Gwent, and the brainteasing You’re Pulleying My Leg. Also discussed: special viewing modes in games, whether game balance should match real world statistics, whether you [...]...

Episode 094: The Vanishing Of What Remains Of Blind Edith
Marsh, Tom F and Graham discuss what they’re looking forward to at E3, the flurry of pre-E3 walk ’em up announcements, Tom’s varying opinions of Neon Struct, Marsh’s opinions of the varying episodes of Life is Strange, and Graham’s opinions on various games he’s caught up with, including Invisible Inc and the Witcher 3. Show [...]...


Episode 093: Stop Trying To Make Iconia Happen
Graham, Chris and both Toms convene for our auspicious 93rd episode. Featuring Doom, Highlands, Invisible Inc, Gal Civ 3, and a digression into being a film podcast for a bit. Plus! the games you would send back in time, MIND SPORTS, Bond villains as bad game designers, Siri, Ciri, car chases, and whisky-based podcast resolution [...]...

Episode 092: The Urchins Of Cheeky Nando’s
Owright Guvnor! Cheeky blighters Marsh, Toms and Graham gather to discuss the new Assassin’s Creed, lather praise all over The Witcher 3’s beastly hide and frolic in the gibs of Black Mesa’s lovingly up-rezzed creatures. Also! Tom F enjoys Wolfenstein: The New Order, up to a point, and we wonder what happened to Broken Age, with [...]...

Episode 091: Hedgehogmony
It’s out with the old and in with the new. Or maybe vice versa. Chris plays Wolfenstein: The Old Blood, a new expansion for the older New Order, Tom S sees Kerbal Space Program come of age, and Marsh falls over himself in physics-heavy RPG Exanima. Plus! What 90s platforming series have to tell us [...]...


Episode 090: The Noblesse Of A Truly Free Thomas The Tank Engine
In which Chris, Graham and Marsh discuss the rise and fall of paid modding, the return of racing games that are fun even if you’re terrible at them, and explore the vagaries of the MOBA, the Dota, and all things in between. Plus: love blooms between Thomas The Tank Engine and Valve’s Randian Moneybot; Batman [...]...

Episode 089: Stop The Money Shot, I Can’t See
Marsh, Chris and Graham gather on the mean streets of podtown to discuss angry characters in Grand Theft Auto V, angry plants in free-to-player shooter Survarium, and increasingly less angry Star Wars fans. A shortish pod this week, but we also discuss our most embarrassing experiences playing videogames and what games you should play while [...]...

Episode 088: The Rotating Racism Node
This week Marsh, Mecha-Tom, Nega-Tom and Chris assemble to assume the guise of death (again) in satisfying reaping sim, Deadbolt, brave LA in Grand Theft Auto V and dive into the manic recursive circles of Circa Infinity. Also! More on director’s commentaries, alarming tales of bike-related accidents, musing on memes, and the social media phenomenon Marsh would [...]...


Episode 087: Kiss The Robo-Fist
In which there is SO MUCH PAIN, albeit experienced vicariously through Deus Ex: Mankind Divided’s trailer. Graham, Marsh & The Two Toms are very excited. Also! We grapple with Rainbow Six: Siege’s alpha and relax stressfully with Batman: Arkham City. Also also! Our primal fears explored and our genders bent; the function of punishment and [...]...

Episode 086: Legless Dog Ally
Graham’s played animal-reprogramming sim The Magic Circle and has done terrible things to dogs, Chris has been stealing everyone’s money rockets in Offworld Trading Company, and Tom F has been getting angry at blue orbs in Ori and the Blind Forest. Also discussed: what have we learned from games? Should you work for free pens? [...]...

Episode 085: Forget it Jake, It’s Pootown
Marsh, Chris, Tom S and Graham convene under the shadow Bloodborne release week to discuss three PC specialties: the party-based RPG renaissance, Pillars of Eternity; the smart, familiar and inevitable Cities: Skylines; and the ratty Early Access tactics of Morheim: City of the Damned. Also discussed: what console games we wish would come to PC; [...]...


Episode 084: Better Than Bletchley Park
Oh for a reality with no consequences, full of stealthy whales and throwable tomatoes. This is the promise of Valve’s Vive VR, which Tom F’s had his head in at GDC recently. Meanwhile, Marsh loses himself in Ori’s blind forest and Tom S manages to find a game about spaceships he doesn’t like. Also on [...]...

Episode 083: Time Bichon
Marsh, Chris and Graham are joined by special guest and PC Gamer editor Samuel Roberts to discuss the best games of GDC, Valve’s virtual reality euphoria generator, and the myriad failures of Hotline Miami 2. Also discussed: a waterlogged roguelike from some Bioshock Infinite devs; the successor to Intrusion 2, Jetpack Squad; treating Justin Bieber’s [...]...

Episode 082: Tug My Cryoslab
Marsh, Tom Senior and Chris are joined by Hello Games’ Alex Wiltshire to discuss VR, Unreal Tournament, The Deer God, Homeworld and more. Plus! A brief return to Evolve, a moment of appreciation for Notch’s fabulous money, far too many impressions of Half-Life sound effects than are reasonable, and the further adventures of both virtual [...]...


Episode 081: A Mucky End To Monster Kiss-Chase
Welcome to the boozyman beardyman shortyman twoman podcast, in which just Chris and Marsh gather to discuss Steam VR and Lionsgate’s acquisition of Telltale. Plus! Chris monsters Evolve and Marsh goes full petard in Medieval Engineers. Extra double plus! Our most irrational Mass Effect enthusiasm-induced pathologies, C&C listener top trumps, braving the strange tendrilly taste [...]...

Episode 080: Thrones Are Strange
In which Tom S escapes from Strategy Game Prison, smuggling out tales of Cities: Skylines and Magicka 2, and hitting the Tartar sauce in Total War: Atilla. Tom F hacks 868 Hack and Marsh goes all Gardeners’ Question Time in Grow Home. Plus! The asymmetry of fate in Life Is Strange, why birds aren’t particle [...]...

Episode 079: A Cacodemon on the Elgin Marbles
Graham, Chris, Pip and Tom F discuss Godus’ broken promises to manus, Atari’s unwelcome promise of survivaly-Asteroids, Apotheon’s promising art style, and why Sunless Sea’s enormous promise is bothering Chris. Show notes! John Walker’s summary of the troubling state of Godus. Godus’s ‘Godus of Goduses’ has in fact been interviewed since we recorded this. “I [...]...


Episode 078: Infinity Mega Shuttle
Tom F, Chris and Graham discard the benches in the ravine, board the infinity mega shuttle, and discuss Infinifactory’s strange creativity and Metal Gear Solid V: Ground Zeroes’ straight stealth and foil story. Also discussed: the first-person shooter bosses we think worked; whether we’d rather Jeff Bridges, Martin Sheen or a dog were our dad; [...]...

Episode 077: The Schrödonger Effect
Chris, Marsh and Tom S fully acknowledge their lack of expertise on the subject of Greek economics. Subsequently, they attempt to sound knowledgeable about The Witcher 3, Grim Fandango, Heroes of the Storm, Smite, Armello, and videogames in general. Also featuring: dingdongs. Lovely dingdongs. Customisable dingdongs! Lamentable hidden dingdongs. And so on. Also: free speech, [...]...

Episode 076: Do Your Hair For Civilisation
Chris, Graham and Tom F discuss their conflicting understandings of Sid Meier’s Starships, why The Outer Wilds feels like a mini No Man’s Sky, how Graham played a bit of Football Manager at some point, and why the Smite World Championships were more fun than Dota’s last International. We also field questions about wearing armour [...]...


Episode 075: Your Erection Was Security Controlled
Marsh, Tom S and Graham brave the winter weather and the chilly new year news dearth to discuss the combat depth of The Depths of Tolagal, the short distance left to travel of Distance’s early access the vehicular cheese-dream, and the not-dead-good execution of Deadnaut’s clever ideas. Also discussed: Glasgow’s Saint Mungo; our recurring frustration [...]...

Episode 074: Everyone’s Dad On The Space-Dad Boat
Happy 2015! But is it? Not so far, judging by the faces Marsh and Chris pull at Game of Thrones, while Graham falls asleep at Elite’s space-wheel. Sadness, but hurrah for The Two Toms, who bring the new year cheer from Invisible Inc and Dragon Age 3. Plus! That which lies halfway between GORE and [...]...

Episode 073: The Big Christmas Sneeze
The entire gang gathers to see out the year in snuffly, sneezy style. Was it a good year for PC games? Which PC games did we particularly like? Is a man with bombs for hands a man? These and many other vital questions are dealt with on this week’s show. Also: what if Kevin Spacey [...]...


Episode 072: Oh The Manatee
Chris, Pip and Tom F appraise the new Team Fortress 2 short End of the Line, entries for the Ludum Dare compo themed around fitting a whole game on one screen, and what they’ve been playing. Chris and Pip have much to discuss about first person puzzler The Talos Principle, and what it says about [...]...

Episode 071: The Realities of Crouch-Walk
Marsh, Tom, Graham and the other Tom gather to discuss spying on each other in videogames using Steam Broadcasting. What do you get up to in games you’d rather others not see? Also: enemies are flanked in Ardennes Assault, meat is ruined in Far Cry 4, pretender gods are pulped in Dominions 4 and Endless [...]...

Episode 070: Massive Charles
Marsh and Chris are joined by special guest Pip Warr to discuss Steam’s winter sale, ongoing troubles in the land of Early Access, Massive Chalice, Minecraft art games, Smite and more. Enhanced, as ever, by the timeless wisdom of Literal Chris Pratt. Also discussed: eugenics, getting futurist art so wrong it makes Pip cry, human [...]...


Episode 069: What Apocalypse Is This?
Tom S, Tom F and Graham gather to discuss the latest Ubifruits from this year’s release season, as Tom S squats on the stunted bollard of Assassin’s Creed Unity and Graham and Tom F scale the wonderful heights of Far Cry 4. Plus, Tom S puts himself on Overwatch, Tom F becomes an Endless Legend [...]...

Episode 068: Cool Ships Man 2
Tom F, Marsh and Chris gather to discuss news of Just Cause 3’s announcement, space city tourism in Bernband, the virtual (and real) hot cave chat phone line Here and There Along the Echo, and, at last, Chris can talk about the full game of Dragon Age: Inquisition. And boy will he. Also discussed: game [...]...

Episode 067: Use Hoverboots To Pay Respects
In which we are so excited by Game Journalist Christmas that we forget to say who we are. Also: Tom F, Graham and Marsh answer the latest Call of Duty with varying levels of enthusiasm while Chris gets frothy about the first hours of Dragon Age 3. Apotheon, Donut County, International Jetpack Conference and An [...]...


Episode 066: The Screaming Faces Of The Protagonist Bus
In which the sky splits asunder, illuminating the pallid, rictus faces of Marsh, Tom S and Tom F as they discuss spoooOOOOoooky games like Alien: Isolation, The Evil Within and, er, Civilization: Beyond Earth. Also booted: Lords of the Fallen. Plus! Why you should never agree to live in a biosphere, whether child-sized superhero costumes [...]...

Episode 065: Barbaliens
Tom F, Chris and Graham gather to drink glasses of fine dry sherry, but also to discuss some fine dry videogames. Tom travels Kentucky Route Zero and builds a Defense Grid 2, while Chris goes Civilization: Beyond Earth. Graham just drinks. Also discussed: why Unity’s new CEO is a Hypnotoad; the Return of the Obra [...]...

Episode 064: Suplex The Ghost Train
This week Graham, Tom F and Tom S and talk about manipulating Uruks in the grassy second half of Shadow of Mordor, being manipulated into giving EA money in FIFA Ultimate Team, being funnelled into 720p corridors in Final Fantasy XIII, bad games with good personality, good games with bad sequels, and bad games with [...]...


Episode 063: Major Spray-Can Mining Operation
In which Tom F, Marsh and Graham master shadows in Styx: Master of Shadows, become the shadow in Middle-earth: Shadow of Mordor, embrace the light in Hyper Light Drifter, and get killed in the shadows of Alien Isolation. Also discussed: Fantastic Arcade and EGX, the disappointment of Planetary Annihilation, the curse of Desert Golfing, where [...]...

Episode 062: Dads In Spaaaaace
In which Chris, Graham and Marsh are joined by RPS co-founder John Walker to talk about Shadow of Mordor, Sherlock Holmes, Ethan Carter, FIFA 15, Shadowrun Returns, and somehow – across multiple subjects – various dads. Also featuring an extended section on Les Miserables, an even more extended section on BioWare, and at least one [...]...

Episode 061: All Hunter, No Gatherer
Marsh, Chris and Graham curate their thoughts about Steam curation, then talk Star Citizen and Elite: Dangerous, the dark future of Brigador, the bright future of Sim Hero, and Marsh’s time spent formulating The Masterplan. Also discussed: Recettear: An Item’s Shop Tale, the problems with our capitalist society, the terror of space Clarkson, how much [...]...


Episode 060: Masters Of Woohoo
In which nations may or may not be sundered. Tom S, Chris and Marsh are joined by Hot Duke Matt Cox, who’s been playing ho-hum robo-moba Minimum. Chris raises a stein to Wolfenstein and Marsh keeps it rail in score-attack subway-sim Mini Metro. Plus! The existential impoverishment of a perfect life in The Sims 4; [...]...

Episode 059: Super Don’t Do This
This week Tom F, Tom S and Graham are joined by Castles in the Sky co-creator Jack De Quidt for an unusually long and segue-woven discussion of Firewatch, Eidolon, Far Cries 2, 3 & 4, Ubisoft’s formulae, and reasons to make morally terrible choices. The Firewatch trailer that didn’t excite us much and the Firewatch playthrough that [...]...

Episode 058: Locational Coconut Healing
In which special guest Phil Savage brings us tales of calamitous chair physics (and pickles) from vintage bugfest Boiling Point. Marsh interrogates robots in The Fall and Tom Senior puts a bit of stick about, courtesy of some snazzy peripherals. Also: Gang Beasts is up on Early Access – should you buy it yet? Plus: [...]...


Episode 057: Infinite Eyebrows For Infinite Sharks
In which half the cast means twice the booze. Tom S and Marsh discuss, with dwindling coherence, a double serving of DLC for Dark Souls 2 and Bioshock Infinite. Plus: taking FEZ for a spin and closing the loop in Silent Hills’ “playable teaser”. Also! Why humanity is soon to be obsolete, dynamically generated Jane [...]...

Episode 056: Hawks Must Die
The Toms, Chris and Graham gather to to discuss the viscosity of Les Enfants Terribles in Metal Gear Solid 5, concoct horde entrapment strategies in Fortnite, dissect the turn-based stealth of Invisible Inc. and bludgeon hawks to death with trees in Secrets of Raetikon. Also discussed: authorship niggles in Depression Quest, gaming when retired, the [...]...

Episode 055: Crossing The Numberwang Event Horizon
Gamescom special! Chris, Tom S and Graham cozy up in a German hotel room to discuss their experiences at the worlds largest, loudest, sweatiest celebration of free t-shirts and also videogames sometimes. Discussed: the maths-based magic of No Man’s Sky, procedural Death Star runs in Galak-Z, stepping out of your own body in Elite: Dangerous, [...]...


Episode 054: There’s No More Science In Space
The entire Crate & Crowbar proprietorship congeal to judge unlock-em-up The Room (good), multiplayer persuade-em-up Velvet Sundown (mad), balance-tough-social-situations-em-up Gods Will Be Watching (not to our tastes), and launch-em-up Kerbal Space Program (awesome). That was accidentally too efficient a summary of the episode and now I have nothing to write in the second paragraph. Show [...]...

Episode 053: Sweet Drifts Solve Murders
In which Chris returns from The International and takes us to wizard school, correcting the Dota follies of episodes past. Plus: Tom F buys a new PC to run Saints Row 4, Graham harries criminals in asymmetrical tactical shooter Due Process, and Marsh has a high percentage chance to hit the turn-based, tactical Halfway. Plus! [...]...

Episode 052: Humanities Graduates Validated By Subterranean Horror
In which we watch wizards get rich and wonder: how? And why? And was it even fun? Plus: Marsh and Tom F slip into the bushes during multiplayer stealth game Of Guards And Thieves while Tom S sets sail upon a Sunless Sea. And that’s not all! No, sir/madam! We raise a collective eyebrow at [...]...


Episode 051: The Pros And Cons Of Crates
Marsh, Tom F, Tom S and returning guest Rich Stanton gather to discuss gaming crates good and bad. Tom F’s been throwing them around in Divinity: Original Sin, Rich has been opening them in Counter-Strike: Global Offensive, and we’ve all been pushing, pulling and poking them in virtual worlds everywhere as gaming’s love affair with [...]...

Episode 050: #UnFrockTheFun
Happy birthday to us! The entire gang gather to celebrate the 50th episode and our almost-one-year anniversary. We mark the occasion by discussing some of our most beloved games: Tom S joins a Company of Heroes, Marsh posits a Splinter Cell: Chaos Theory, Graham measures his Half-Life, Chris lives a full life in Star Wars: [...]...

Episode 049: Historically, That’s The Past
In which sausages are honked. Chris evangelises animal husbandry in Divinity: Original Sin, Tom F twiddles Brothers’ sticks and Marsh gets a dog to work his organ in Valiant Hearts. Plus! Special guest Eskil Steenberg tells us of his new game, EXO. Also on the pod: games to make you empathise with the unempathic, how [...]...


Episode 048: Spamming the Ghost Horse
Toms Francis and Senior, Grahams Smith and Marshes Davies convene to discuss a Deus Ex: Human Revolution speed run, being guilted into stealth in Black Flag’s slave-freeing DLC, and the pleasure of Watch Dogs’ open-world-Spy-Party multiplayer. Plus masterful griefing in Dark Souls, whether BioShock Infinite’s combat was any good, and whether cultural resonance excuses rescuing [...]...

Episode 047: The Captain’s Cavern
Tom F, Chris and Marsh convene at the dawn of a new Steam sale to celebrate cheap games that neither Tom nor Marsh need to buy. Then, Chris breaks through the crust of competitive Dota, Tom breaks his head against Transistor, and Marsh watches while Enslaved slowly breaks itself. We also answer your questions at [...]...

Episode 046: The Logical Conclusion Of The Opti-Wand
Chris, Tom F and Graham gather during the peak of E3 to discuss which trailers light their fires. Plus: Graham stomps on The Stomping Land, Tom floats some discussion of Floating Point, and Chris goes wild in the PvP and player housing of Wildstar. Also we go even longer to answer your questions: what old [...]...


Episode 045: Philosopher Kings In Spaaace
In which we get steamy about E3’s PC lineup. Also: Tom F dons his space-cowboy-hat and hunts down bounties in EXPAT, Chris wails like a dolorous ghoul at the grave failings of Murdered: Soul Suspect, and Marsh lops lumber and limbs in The Forest. Plus! Your burning metaphysical questions answered: are ghosts the Facebook of [...]...

Episode 044: Computer Force
Toms F and S, Graham and Marsh gather to discuss Transistor, ‘Watch some Dogs’, Killer is Dead, Super Game Jam, and the ethics of charging for alphas, torture interrogation, and perving minigames. But not really the ethics of global thermonuclear war, mutating a lethal virus to infect more people before the authorities notice, or stacking [...]...

Episode 043: The Marvellous Magic Internet Book
In which Chris, Graham and Tom S try to unravel the sorcery behind the Dota 2 Compendium’s spectacular success, appreciate the joy of hyperspace in Elite Dangerous and discuss important matters of etiquette when duelling internet opponents in Blade Symphony. Also discussed: the thorny issue of repurposing historical events for schlock entertainment in Wolfenstein: The [...]...


Episode 042: Don’t Participate In The Ghost Fog
In which we fail to give Epic much flak for bringing back our beloved Unreal Tournament. Marsh and Tom S battle the Old Forest of Invisible Dickheads in Dark Souls 2, Tom F marvels at the range of Space Rangers HD, and Graham jibbers like Starfox’s Slippy about Enemy Starfighter. Also discussed: our favourite gaming [...]...

Episode 041: Confronting The Worm From Earlier
In which we chew the CoD like K-PAX chews scenery. Graham squanders seamen in Sub Commander, Tom F loses himself in (and patience with) NaissanceE, Marsh little delights in Child of Light and Tom S resurrects Vampire: The Masquerade – Bloodlines. Also: Judi Dench’s terrifying slit-mouthed digital death mask, the correct nomenclature for nested Clancys, [...]...

Episode 040: Sadness, But Hurrah For Skeleton!
Marsh, Graham, Chris and Tom S convene to discuss the fine art of bionic arm surgery in Limbs, explore the strange rhythms of Fract, and ponder the gross incandescence of Dark Souls and Dark Souls 2. Also discussed: rubbish pre-order DLC, the pros and cons of game demos and some radical new directions for Mirror’s [...]...


Episode 039: Son of Videogames
Graham, Tom Francis and Chris are joined by returning guest Philippa Warr to discuss incompetent detectives, millennial heroes, archery, wizardry, shootery, and more. Also discussed: videogames you should stop eating, novels you probably shouldn’t write, and pithy quotes about war you should stop saying. Yes, you. Deep Sea is an audio-only game that you probably [...]...

Episode 038: The MET Office’s Forecast Of Evil
Marsh, Tom F, Tom S and Graham gather to discuss the splintered factions of Civilization: Beyond Earth, the bros of Broforce, the computer hacking of Hack ‘n’ Slash, the many ways to die in FTL: Advanced Edition, and how easy Dwarf Fortress is to play. Also discussed: Marsh’s thoughts on Wolf Among Us episode 3, [...]...

Episode 037: Right In The Stamen
In which no bees or ghosts are welcome. But special guest Kim Richards is, and her tales of terror from Alien: Isolation. Plus: Chris unfurls The Elder Scrolls Online; Tom makes like an ent in Clash of Heroes; Marsh falls down Dark Souls’ lore hole. Also on the pod: our favourite non-humanoids, why maths and [...]...


Episode 036: Hot Oculus Thigh-Screens
Marsh, Chris and Tom F mull over this year’s best April Fools, the future of Oculus, crazy controllers at GDC, randomised adventures in Reaper of Souls, and why Metal Gear Solid: Ground Zeroes represents the PC-ification of console games. Show notes Blizzard’s StarCraft April Fool in which many things, including the title of the post, [...]...

Episode 035: 500 Million Permutations Of Spoon
In which Marsh, Graham and special guest Alex Wiltshire from Hello Games gather to discuss the two Tom’s GDC-induced weakness, the remaining limitations of Oculus Rift’s second development kit, why Graham continues to play driving sims for fun, and Marsh’s thoughts on the axes and muskets of Betrayer. This is an extremely short episode, but [...]...

Episode 034: Don’t Splurge Your Yurts
In which we definitely don’t feel at all jealous of the two Toms. Instead, Chris brings his Dota-learnin’ to Heroes of the Storm, Marsh goes for round two, or 2.0, with Godus, and Graham keeps it wheel with chariot game Qvadriga and bus sim OMSI 2. Also: Les Miserables’ Creed (which, since recording the podcast, [...]...


Episode 033: Shades Of Graves
Graham, Tom Senior, Chris and special guest Philippa Warr discuss insect-infested planets, robot-infested moons, man-infested robots, and subway-infested men. Or Infested Planet, Planetary Annihilation, Titanfall and Mini Metro, if you prefer. Also discussed: lift music in the grim darkness of the far future; dance music in the mild inconvenience of the immediate present; dressing gowns; [...]...

Episode 032: Stay Off The 4D Hyper-Porn
In which the we bestow upon your ears our last will and testament. Chris leaves his thoughts on Diablo 3’s Loot 2.0 patch, Graham passes on his love of Towerfall: Ascension, Marsh leaves a treasure map to his feelings on Intruder, and Tom F decrees that you spend a night in the house haunted by [...]...

Episode 031: The Little Angry Fighting Internet Toddlers
In which the team gathers to offer the steal of the century: Tom F enjoys the cinematic violence of Tomb Raider, Marsh enjoys the cartwheeling violence of Strider, Graham enjoys the tactical violence of Intruder, and Chris becomes victim to the internet’s violence over the new Thief. Also discussed, indie fighting game Gang Beasts, the [...]...


Episode 30: The Strange Riches of the Meat Tornado
In which Marsh, Tom F and Tom S are bundled into the chest-womb of an orbiting attack robot to discuss the mysteries of Titanfall, the hidden treasures of IndieCade East, and the dilemma of the unspent meat tornado in Kingdom of Loathing. Also: is the Loom of Fate to blame for Steam tags? Which member [...]...

Episode 029: To Open A Can Of Sharks
In which Marsh, Chris, Tom S and guest Rich Stanton convene to discuss matters of magic in Dominions 4 and The Elder Scrolls. Rich creatively dismantles home invaders in The Castle Doctrine and Marsh contemplates flappity-dappity dongs of Loadout. Also: everyone gets an important lesson in grenade safety, Rich reveals his complicated relationship with Sharks [...]...

Episode 028: Only The Strongest Neutral Feelings
In which we climb inside a straw man made of worms. The Wolf Among Us: Episode Two leaves Tom S huffing and puffing, Tom F brings new meaning to “sleeper agent” in espionage sim Covert Action and Chris gets twitchy in aerial shooter Strike Vector. Also: we impersonate a disappointed oil-rig, debate the merits of [...]...


Episode 027: The Obelisk, Van Halen
In which Chris, Marsh, and Tom Senior are joined by special guest Rich Stanton – The Crate and Crowbar’s second alumnus of Machanhill Primary School, Larkhall, South Lanarkshire. Discussed: the Rift in Westeros; Hearthstone etiquette; Dominions 4 and the many faces of god; filleting helicopters in Metal Gear Rising: Revengeance; fashion in Deus Ex: Human [...]...

Episode 026: Tug Yourself Askance
In which binary Marsh, alpha Graham and isolated Chris gather in the house of broken Tom, to discuss Broken Age, Alien: Isolation, the Next Car Game alpha, and the extremes of The Banner Saga. Also discussed: everything ever, in this three hour extra-long episode, including our favourite game conferences, the King.com controversy, whether games can [...]...

Episode 025: 2 Crate 2 Crowbar
In which Marsh, Tom F and Graham welcome special guest Craig Pearson to the graveyard for the traditional bleeding ceremony, and offer up survival sim Rust, multiplayer swordfighter Nidhogg and Just Cause 2 Multiplayer as sacrifices. Also discussed: the dangerous appeal of Elite: Dangerous, Starsector’s memorable mechanics and less than memorable name, and whether it’ll [...]...


Episode 024: Smell The Glaive
In which we are lured back from our Christmas break by the heady scent of beam weaponry. Mm-mmm! We also give the IGF finalists a good sniff, while Marsh pokes his nose into DayZ and Graham turns his up at MOMA’s videogaming exhibit. Also: Tom S is doomed by a clown’s insatiable desire for charcoal, [...]...

Episode 023: Drives Well, Bad Cubism
In which we are filled with seasonal cheer, mince pies and snot. The whole team gathers to talk about what got their goat and their GOTY in 2013. Amazingly, no one even mentions Spelunky or Dota 2! Until they do. At length. Merry Christmas. Also: Tom F confesses his strangely matrimonial take on XCOM squad [...]...

Episode 022: Stuffed In The Pain Funnel
In which flesh-cubes are fondly recalled. Plus: the No Man’s Sky hype-rocket achieves escape velocity, Marsh is perplexed by CounterStrike’s workshop, Tom S takes a tumble in Tomb Raider and Tom F rifles through Costume Quest’s wardrobe. And not only that! We revisit our favourite tech demos, talk about supernatural family-fixing game The Novelist, and [...]...


Episode 021: Shall We Meet Later For Robots And Sci-Fi Japes?
In which Marsh sings a sorrowful sea shanty for Assassin’s Creed and Graham hits the Unlike button on science-fiction life sim Redshirt. Meanwhile, Chris celebrates the shotgun lords, and Tom S spills rum all over Marsh’s floor. Also, we morbidly discuss the deaths of gaming’s greatest designers, and David Cage. Before moving on to what [...]...

Episode 020: Beyond The Vomit Event Horizon
In which swing is swung. Marsh joins the two Toms to celebrate Game Journalist Christmas, aka the IGF. Roguelike Risk Of Rain and spy-spoof Jazzpunk are our top stocking-stuffers. Meanwhile, Graham builds up, not out, in Sim City’s £25 DLC band-aid. Plus! Tom F returns to Quadrilateral Cowboy with |337 hacking skillz, his mind honed [...]...

Episode 019: Shooting Your Little Grabber Up Its Bum
In which Marsh, Chris, Tom Senior and Graham whisper sensual words in your ear about Assassin’s Creed IV: Black Flag’s unlikely brilliance, the physicsy puzzleshmup PixelJunk Shooter, the arty ladygarden simulator Luxuria Superbia, and how we all died in XCOM: Enemy Within. Also featuring talk of Westerado, the group’s favourite game settings, and gaming’s longstanding [...]...


Episode 018: Wouldn’t You Rather Play Balls
In which Tom Francis, Marsh and Chris are joined by Nika Harper – The Crate and Crowbar’s first ever guest. Amazing! Chris and Nika explain wizards, BlizzCon, Blink-182 and why everything is okay if Diablo is riding a horse. Tom deploys his serpents of peace in Reus and Marsh still doesn’t like Mirror’s Edge. Also [...]...

Episode 017: Apologies To The Ladies Of The Bollard
In which we are down a man. We soldier on – Chris and Tom S through the ravaged futures envisioned by Call of Duty: Ghosts and Battlefield 4; and Marsh through the, ahem, “metaphorical jazz space” of brilliant indie game Gorogoa. Plus: we attempt to navigate the moralities of ethical journalism – a hazardous route, [...]...

Episode 016: Globbed Shut By A Creature Of The Night
In which livers weep. Tom S is underwhelmed by Batman: Arkham Origins and no amount of bat-glue will convince him otherwise. Meanwhile, Graham gets suckered by Football Manager 2014 and Tom F battles unspeakable blasphemies in Eldritch. Plus: Marsh is exasperated by Splinter Cell’s self-effacing cutscenes, we discuss the nature of dread (it is Halloween, [...]...


Episode 015: Abandon Your Principles For Free Cake
In which we get our criticisms of Steam Early Access in early, before Marsh clambers atop the Nuclear Throne, Tom Senior tells them to eat cake in Democracy 3, Chris fights the forces of darkness in Eldritch, and Graham tries to count to 140. Also: your videogame misunderstandings, Chris’s wonders what would happen if horses [...]...

Episode 014: Execute Riker Protocol One
In which Chris explains why space vampires hate trigonometry. Also: Tom F returns from lands afar with tales of Towerfall, Samurai Gunn and Quadrilateral Cowboy, while Graham and Marsh find The Wolf Among Us fittingly fabulous in every sense. Also, also: new GalCiv – OMG!! Also, also, also: Chris puts on his robe and wizard’s [...]...

Episode 013: Give A Little Pluck To Their Lovely Loom of Fate
In which Marsh lovingly admires his gun in Counter-Strike: Global Offensive, and Tom S vaults theatrically over objects that make him look awesome while being concerned by the new Thief. Plus, Chris explains his plan for escaping from a burning building, and the importance of first impressions in indie first-person Lovecraftian roguelike voxel thing Eldritch. [...]...


Episode 012: The Power Of An Owl In The Palm Of Your Hand
In which winged beasts rule. Ka-kaw! Chris explains why ladybirds are more exciting than Battlefield 4’s skyscrapers and Tom S yearns to palpate Gabe Newell’s Power Owl. Also discussed: Cardhunter and homoerotic spooning simulator, FIFA 14. Plus: why Peter Molyneux’s romantic prospects look grim, the importance of good clank and some clarification on the global [...]...

Episode 011: More Badges Than Man
In which we just can’t wait – neither for Valve’s Steambox reveal nor GTA V’s PC release. We contain premature opinions and they must be freed. Tom F’s crime spree continues in Monaco and Tom S plays with himself in Brothers: A Tale of Two Sons. Also, Graham gets a bit woozy while waggling his [...]...

Episode 010: Gandalf’s Hot Nozzle
In which there is a good deal of clicking – for the glory of the empire in Rome 2 and to no obvious end in Godus. Tom S hones his zombie-disassembly arsenal in Dead Space 3 and Graham uses Skullgirls to discover the best way to punch a nun. Also: Marsh wishes Tom F was [...]...


Episode 009: The Noise of Infinite Mystery
In which gimlets are too sweet, the weaknesses of real life’s reward mechanisms are exposed, and questions from questions undergoes total logistical collapse. Plus Zafehouse Diaries, MirrorMoon EP, Transistor, Super Hot, and other such videogames. We also dig into Deus Ex: Human Revolution, clap politely for Tribes, and explore the worlds of Mirror’s Edge and [...]...

Episode 008: To See A Duck, And Know That Your Time Has Come
In which Tom Senior lets slip the dogs of Total War: Rome 2. Marsh and Chris take to the skies in Ace Patrol and Graham brings them safely back down again thanks to X-Plane, with nary a duck embedded in their faces. Then we all Go(ne) Home. Also, Tom unpicks the tangled lineage of the [...]...

Episode 007: For Sale, Spring Boots, Never Worn
In which Tom returns from Germany, Graham dreams of the game that contains all games, and Marsh consumes jellied eels like a man possessed. Chris’ attempt to make Splinter Cell: Blacklist fight Saints Row IV results in minor spoilers for both games. We’ve taken steps to improve the audio quality of the podcast in this [...]...


Episode 006: Dr Sneak And The Rickets Gang
In which we consume a lot of milk. Also! Chris returns with tales from the Dota International, Marsh cops to a crime spree in Payday 2 and Graham is ravaged by Spelunky-addiction. Then we all get giddy (with excitement) after a dose of Oculus Rift. Also discussed: things you can hold in your hand to [...]...

Episode 005: The Ruined Beauty Of The Dire-Schlong
In which Tom F infiltrates turnbased squad sneak-em-up Incognita and plunders Spelunky’s daily challenge depths. Tom S scours other dungeons in Red Rogue, while Graham conquers Europa Universalis IV and Marsh uses physics to smash stuff. We also talk about fighting game mash-up gambling platform, Salty Bet, disassemble the joy of disassembly in Crashtatic and [...]...

Episode 004: The Long Dark Beef Dream Of The Soul
In which everything is connected to Gone Home. Conspiracies deepen as Tom F ghosts Deus Ex: HR, while Graham’s prejudices are undone by Sonic & All-Stars Racing Transformed. Marsh defies The Yawhg and Tom Senior nurtures a gun fetish in Receiver. Apologies in advance for the audio issues this episode. Tom Senior sounds like he [...]...


Episode 003: The Double Ball Flaps Encounter
In which malign natures manifest. Tom forces Civ and GalCiv to fight to the death, Chris mods his way to psychopathy in Skyrim and Graham delights in the murderous Teleglitch. Meanwhile, Marsh kvetches about Shadowrun Returns’ diabolical save system. As always, if you feel differently about the games we mention, we’d love to hear why. [...]...

Episode 002: Plausible Deniability Knife Dude Loves You
In which we cover a lot of ground. Graham acts like a monster in Monster Loves You while Chris learns that he basically just is one in The Sims 3. Tom becomes a Mercenary King and Marsh mediates our pointless rivalry with BBC Radio 4 serial The Archers. A whole load of games we discuss [...]...

Episode 001: I Deserve Infinite Dragons
Four men enter a graveyard, four men and a podcast leave. In this debut episode Tom discusses diplomacy in Civ V, Chris tries to wrap his head around Steam Trading Cards and Marsh makes the mistake of bringing up Dota 2. Listen past the end of the episode for an inside look at exactly how [...]...