The Heart

The Heart Podcast

The Heart is an audio art project and podcast about intimacy and humanity.

Mermaid Palace
Named after the very bedroom within which many of the episodes of The Heart were made. In this ep you heard the singing of Sharon Mashihi and phone answering of Mooj Zadie. The manifesto writing of Nicole Kelly and Phoebe Unter, the mic meandering of Dylan Gauche, the phone answering of Mooj Zadie, the song of Drew Denny and Christina Gaillard and the big dream of Kaitlin Prest. Additional credits: Jen Ng, Mo LaBorde, Allie Pinel, Chiquita Paschal, AJ Moultrie, Sarah Rose, Allison Light, Caitlin Thompso...

Mermaid Palace
Named after the very bedroom within which many of the episodes of The Heart were made. In this ep you heard the singing of Sharon Mashihi and phone answering of Mooj Zadie. The manifesto writing of Nicole Kelly and Phoebe Unter, the mic meandering of Dylan Gauche, the phone answering of Mooj Zadie, the song of Drew Denny and Christina Gaillard and the big dream of Kaitlin Prest. Additional credits: Jen Ng, Mo LaBorde, Allie Pinel, Chiquita Paschal, AJ Moultrie, Sarah Rose, Allison Light, Caitlin Thompso...

Love Me: To My Heart
Our friends Cristal Duhaime and Mira Burt-Wintonick launched Season 3 of their amazing show LOVE ME. The story we are featuring from them is about a man who learned all about love while imprisoned at Guantanamo Bay. Website: https://www.cbc.ca/radio/loveme/\ Twitter: https://twitter.com/cbcpodcasts/\ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/CBCPodcasts/...


It's Here: The Shadows
It’s here. Finally. All 6 episodes of The Shadows, presented by Kaitlin Prest and CBC Podcasts. Subscribe to The Shadows. Follow on Insta / Twitter at @theshadowscbc. You can find our FB group here....

KP + CBC Present: The Shadows
~* Things are happening. *~ The Shadows, presented by Kaitlin Prest and CBC Podcasts, launches in late September. Here’s a sneak peek. Subscribe to The Shadows –> here....

Dream
Kaitlin has a dream, and The Heart says goodbye (for now). Listen on headphones. Produced by Kaitlin Prest with help from Phoebe Wang. Thank you to all of the listeners who sent us your voices so KP could meet you on the moon. In this episode, you also heard the voices of Mitra Kaboli, Phoebe Wang, Jen Ng, Sharon Mashihi, Samara Breger, Meg Bell, Jessica Grosman, Pejk Malinovski, Sean Cole, Lulu Miller, Veronica Simmonds, Johnny Spence, Nancy Prest, Natalie Prest, Allen Watts and Brendan Baker. Music by I...


An Announcement
In 2018, The Heart will be taking a break. ~* The Secret Link *~...

Man Choubam (I Am Good)
Sharon is a weirdo and refuses to conform to cultural standards. Her mom does not approve. They confront their longstanding differences on a Persian self-help cruise....

God + The Gays
Growing up, Phoebe was a Jesus kid. In college, after Tinder-swiping her way to gayness, she comes out to Christians and hopes that they’ll accept her. In this episode, Phoebe goes on a mission to find out how people with fundamentally different beliefs, can be friends....


Signature Research
There is a way that these narratives are supposed to go. But life isn’t simple and linear, it’s messy and loud, and everything keeps coming back again and again and again. This piece by Dylan Gauche won the Best Student award at the 2017 Hearsay International Audio Festival. [Trigger Warning]...

Darqness
Being a queer or trans person of color is hard anywhere, but can feel especially isolating if you’re living in Seattle, WA. A heavily fractured city that is undergoing massive gentrification. Darqness, an electronic music collective, is working to dismantle that and bring QTPOC together.  Producer Ellie Lightfoot, a Seattle native, spent the last year with this seven person crew to find out why these parties are so necessary....

A Woman on the Road is Alone
“A man on the road is solitary,” the writer Vanessa Veselka said. “A woman on the road is just alone.” This is a spotlight episode via Bitchface Podcast, about a hitchhiked trip to Vegas and women with agency doing whatever the F they want....


Bodies: Goddess
Maria is a poet and activist living in Houston, Texas who Mitra spent a few days with.  Mitra got to meet some of Maria’s family, hung out with her pets and ate delicious food during her time with Maria. For Maria’s whole life all she has wanted was breasts. Big breasts to be specific. This story follows the poet, Maria from childhood to adolescence to womanhood.  In this piece you heard poetry from book Poetic Confessions Vol 1 and more.  To learn more about Maria’s work you can check out her website. Mari...

Bodies: Itch
For years, Cassie has been plagued with an itch in her butt. The itch has travelled with her across the country, from one apartment to the next and transcended all of her major relationships. Cassie talks to past and present partners to see what they think she is up to when she is scratchin’ her bum late at night....

Bodies: Meat
Meatis an international podcast created on the surface of a person’s skin. It is a vision of the world from the point of view of human flesh. In people’s everyday life, there’s a wall between their ideas, dreams and desires and the real world: our body. A cage for the human behaviour made by flesh and bones that affects the way we interact with the rest of the world: the sound of our voice, the line of our movements, the space we take up on a bus because of our weight, the dominant or submissive position we...


Bodies: It’s not me it’s you
Abigail wants to have penetrative sex but it’s not working. She is worried it’s her fault or at least her vagina’s fault. In her quest to find out why she cannot have penetrative sex, Abigail finds an essay called Frigid and a community of women who have similar issues. In talking to them she realizes that her partner’s are contributing force to her pain and discomfort during sex....

People Who Need People
Samara and Kelsey got hitched. We celebrate their marriage by re-releasing this episode (originally ‘Samara + Kelsey’) with a life / wife update.   This episode was originally produced by Samara Breger with The Heart....

Doing Time
This story is part of Radiotopia’s network-wide theme, Doing Time. In the early 2000’s, Kathleen reads through the personal ads of a magazine; on a whim, she writes to a man. Thus begins a relationship with the greatest love of her life. ‘Private family visits’ is the correct term for conjugal visits. Its purpose is not just for sex, but to help maintain strong relationships between inmates and their families. Studies have shown that private family visits can help reduce recidivism. Original interviews by...


No: Questions
Episode Four: Many listeners were left with lingering questions and thoughts after the first three episodes.  What do I tell my kids? What if my no DOES mean yes? What role does alcohol play in consent? In this episode, some Heart producers and Samara Breger (our trusted sex educator) unpack some blind spots and larger themes around consent. [Trigger Warning] Part of “No”, a mini-season. Produced with the generous support of the IWMF....

No: Answers
Episode Three: Kaitlin’s search for the answer to why coercion is so omnipresent lands her in one obvious place. Straight, cis-gendered men. In this episode, Kaitlin consults the men in her life that she trusts the most to see if they had ever pressured someone into having unwanted intimacy. But she knows she cannot end her search here. [Trigger Warning] Part of “No”, a mini-season. Produced with the generous support of the IWMF....

No: Inheritance
Episode Two: We catch up to Kaitlin while she is in her mid-twenties, waiting to fall in love. [Trigger Warning] Part of “No”, a mini season. Produced with the generous support of the IWMF....


No: Advance
Episode One: We meet young Kaitlin as she navigates her first sexual experiences and the confusions of girlhood. [Trigger Warning] Part of “No”, a mini-season. Produced with the generous support of the IWMF....

Trailer: No
Our new season, starting May 9th. Kaitlin explores her sexual boundaries from youth to adulthood....

First Comes Marriage
Arranged marriages, although they sound scary to our Western ears, are considered extremely successful. Divorce rates are much lower. But those are statistics. What about being in love with the person that you married? A Harvard study found that partners in arranged marriages, over time, end up being more in love than couples who marry for love. Our friend Ryan Kailath has known this his whole life, because he grew up with it. His parents met for 15 minutes before they married. *Includes the trailer for ou...


Pansy: Local Honey
Local Honey is a transfemme performance artist and musician living in New Orleans. Let her modulated voice and soft giggles croon you into her reality, where feminine sound is a weapon, a force, a celebration. Local Honey explores family, performance, noise, trauma and gender. Ep 4 of ‘Pansy’: A season where masculinity and femininity meet. Credits: Writing and music by Local Honey. Production support from Julia Alsop. Editorial Support from Cassie Wagler. Special thanks to Julia Serano....

Pansy: The Beloved
Some say there are as many genders as there are people.  And even more ways to creatively think about and claim them. In this story, Allen’s gender is complicated by a discovery he makes through meditation. Ep 3 of ‘Pansy’: A season about where masculinity and femininity meet. Credits:   Written and produced by Allen J. Watts. Production support from Julia Alsop. Editorial support from Cassie Wagler....

Pansy: Ultraslut
Blake’s crushing. Hard. On his new best friend and favorite person: Korry. They spend every day together. They sleep in the same bed together. They plan their futures together. But there are signs that show that Korry might not be feeling the same way about Blake. Blake begins to suspect it has something to do with the fact that Korry’s attracted to straight-acting, masculine-looking, manly men.   And Korry’s not alone. In this episode, we continue our conversation on gender and femininity and look at wha...


Pansy: Twirl
Todd once loved a woman. And she loved him back, but there was one thing that she just couldn’t get over, he twirls. This piece explores what it means to be effeminate when you’re a straight cis-dude. Kaitlin talks to men who embrace and resist their femininity. Ep 1 of “Pansy”: A season of stories about letting your feminine flag fly. Produced with help from Julia Alsop and editorial support from Cassie Wagler. Special thanks to Julia Serrano....

That Smell
“The first time I tasted her was the first time I felt like I could know her.” Rhonda spends their entire day relishing and re-living the sensation of going down on their girl. After they’re down South, face buried between her legs all morning long, they spend the rest of the day rediscovering the lingering scent.  This episode is a re-release from the “Sensorium” episode, originally produced in 2013....

Mariya – Extended Cut
Featuring never-before-heard scenes and a post-award interview with Mariya Karimjee, this is an extended version of the award winning documentary, “Mariya.” A story about Mariya’s journey to figure out sex after FGM. Released in May 2016, “Mariya” received the Gold Award (Best Documentary) at the Third Coast International Audio Festival. Mariya Karimjee is a writer based in Karachi, Pakistan. Read her original essay here. Editorial support from Brendan Baker, Allen Watts, Kelsey Padgett, Samara Breger an...


Love, Harry
Have you ever had a friend you thought you might be in love with? Have you ever slept in a bed beside this person, and wondered if your hand was grazing yours on purpose? Sharon receives emails from Harry, a not-so-secret admirer. It’s her best friend Kaitlin. Sharon is (mostly) straight, but could Kaitlin be the man of her dreams? Years after Kaitlin wrote those emails, the two friends sit down to talk about them and what they meant. They ask each other the questions that have always been beneath the surf...

For Helen
This episode is a rerun of Mouthwash, in honor of the late Helen Breger and all of our grandparents’ salacious histories. Produced by Samara Breger with The Heart....

Diaries: My Everything, My Bear
In a suitcase full of books and papers there is a little notebook with a bear sitting alone in a hot air balloon. This journal is one of the only things Alex saved when they got rid of all their possessions and moved to Ohio. The journal is filled with accounts of the life and the love they left behind. This episode was written by Alex DiFrancesco with production help from Julia Alsop. Alex DiFrancesco’s work has appeared in The Carolina Quarterly, The New Ohio Review, and Brevity. Their first novel, a rad...


Diaries: Mortified
In this episode we refer to Radiotopia’s own in-house diary experts, Mortified. The Mortified Podcast is a storytelling series where adults share the embarrassing things they created as kids—diaries, letters, lyrics & beyond—in front of a live audience. We hear from founder Dave Nadelberg about how Mortified began, and from Leslie McLean about her favorite teenage activity. From Episode 61 “How Not to Masturbate (and Other Hollow Victories).”...

Diaries: No Way Out
Ashley’s Livejournal features the angsty outpourings of a teenager from the early 2000s living in Southwest Florida. Just like many who came of age at the time, she flushed feelings out into the anonymous online public. Looking back on these entries, Ashley tries to read into what was really happening beneath the surface....

Diaries: The Big House
At the back of a closet, in a cardboard box, writer Tina Horn’s diaries gather dust. In the box there are girlhood diaries covered in collages of unicorns, dragons and David Duchovny. There are mixtapes with fat multicolored glitter and there are simple, spiral bound notebooks filled with obscenities. This episode is part of the Diaries mini season and was written by Tina Horn. Tina is a Lambda Literary Fellow and the recipient of two Feminist Porn Awards. Check out Tina’s podcast and more....


Diaries: BFF
Writer Molly Osberg has carried her journals to every house she’s lived in since 2007. They’re decorated with pictures of her and her friends’ faces smooshed together, one friend in particular; Amelia. Molly and Amelia met in detention and were inseparable for most of high school. Together they learned how to become the people that they are today. This episode is part of the Diaries mini season, and was written by Molly Osberg. Special thanks to Allen Watts, John Walker and Amelia....

The Understudy
Sophie Townsend has been a widow for a year and a half. She is too busy taking care of her children to entertain the idea of dating, until a man compliments her shoes. Voicing by Andy Leonard. Produced by CBC’s Love Me with Sophie Townsend....

Mr. Fix-it
A conversation between mother, Sophie Townsend and daughter, Anna about Mr. Fix-it, husband and father. Produced by Sophie Townsend and Marty Peralta for The Hearsay International Audio Festival....


SE: Salt in the Wound
Episode four of Silent Evidence; one woman’s story of childhood sexual abuse. In the final episode of the Silent Evidence mini-season, Kaitlin and Tennessee sit down and talk about what happened and didn’t happen in the last three episodes. Discussion topics in this episode: Dr. Youssefi, Restorative Justice, Being in Crisis, & Silence. Find out more aboutSilent Evidence. Produced by Tennessee Watson and Kaitlin Prest with The Heart. Editing by Sharon Mashihi and Mitra Kaboli. Assistant Production by As...

SE: Hands on the Wheel
Episode three of Silent Evidence; one woman’s story of childhood sexual abuse. In episode three, a court case unfolds. Tennessee decides to call the cops and tell them about what happened with Dr. Youseffi. Detective Kimberly Norton picks Tennessee up at the airport in Virginia so she can file an official report. What Tennessee and Detective Norton discover is that Tennessee is not alone. Four women come forward, in three different counties. Only one prosecutor picks up the case. Find out more about Silent...

SE: Ten Foot Pole
Episode two of Silent Evidence; one woman’s story of childhood sexual abuse. In Episode two, Tennessee tries to reconcile with the abuse that she suffered. From performance art to installations to hair-brained schemes, Tennessee feels a little better every time she asks people to listen to her story. However, she has underestimated Dr. Youseffi’s impact on her life. She decides to confront him at the gym. Find out more about Silent Evidence here. Produced by Tennessee Watson and Kaitlin Prest with The He...


SE: Not the Right Time
Episode one of Silent Evidence; one woman’s story of childhood sexual abuse. Tennessee Watson is a documentarian and artist who has been struggling to speak out about something that happened to her when she was a kid, something that she knew was wrong. When Tennessee was seven her gymnastics coach fondled her vulva. In part one of Silent Evidence, Tennessee takes us in and out of her memories, from childhood to adolescence as she comes to terms with what happened to her and finally revisiting the gym where...

Mariya
Based on the 2015 essay from The Big Roundtable, writer Mariya Karimjee takes us on a journey from her childhood in Pakistan, to her adolescence in Texas, through college, all the way to where she is now, back in Pakistan as she navigates family, love, her body and her personal relationships, all despite the physical and emotional trauma that she has suffered. Mariya Karimjee is a writer based in Karachi, Pakistan. Read her original essay here. Editorial support from Brendan Baker, Allen Watts, Kelsey Pad...

Ghost: You
We end our series with a final ghost; it’s you. Every time I hear that song, you’re next to me. Whether I like it or not. In a cafe, in my bedroom, when I watch that stupid vampire series. The ache pains me but what’s worse is knowing that some day, maybe not too long from now, the pain will go away. Special thanks to Damien Luxe who voiced this story for us....


Ghost: Violet
Kari is nothing like the actresses in the scenes that she films. She’s tall, robust, the kind of girl who can pick up a camera and take it where it needs to go. Violet, on the other hand, is petite and soft. She’s got a body that’s made for the kind of sex you see in porn. Kari knows first hand because Kari is the camera operator for Violet’s porn shoots. But the scene that looms largest in Kari’s head was one she didn’t film. It’s Violet’s scene with Brian, Kari’s current boyfriend, Violet’s ex. Violet was...

Ghost: Emily
Does love ever really die? Even though Kaitlin has a beautiful boyfriend she still hears the ghost of those she once loved ring in her ears. But, there’s another ghost in her life; her boyfriend’s current love. This ghost disturbs her. It angers her. It brings out a side of her that she wishes would go away. Produced for Falling Tree Productions, as heard on BBC’s Between the Essays series with editing by Sharon Mashihi....

Ghost: Alex
Powerful memories are like paused tapes in our minds – a hum barely heard beneath the noise of our everyday – ready to be played at any moment. This audio fiction explores the process of falling in love with someone, fading away and eventually discovering all that you have left of them is a memory. Carter, our narrator, is on a present-day first date with Frankie but is distracted by memories of past lover, Alex, which play like a tape in his head. But with each replaying, the tapes seem to have warped, or ...


Ghost: Bobby
A personal account of the haunting absence of a lost love. This is a story about grief, loss and reaching for freedom. The sense of emptiness that comes after saying, I love you, every day until, suddenly, you don’t. But the love is never truly gone. It’s with you always, leaning over your shoulder as you rediscover a world in which it no longer exists. This episode was originally produced for The Hearsay Audio Festival. Special thanks to Kelsey Padgett, A.C. Valdez and Allen Watts....

The Wrath of the Potluck
Devon is one of Kaitlin’s oldest friends from high school. The two live in different cities now and occasionally see each other over the holidays. On one such holiday reunion he recounted a story to Kaitlin of what could have been one of the best nights of his life. However, Devon also attended a potluck that evening. Originally produced for Audio Smut in 2012....

Samara + Kelsey
At the beginning of a relationship, the small decisions feel like big decisions: When to text? What to wear on the second date? How naked to get. For Samara and Kelsey, the first decisions were a bit bigger. When Samara’s dad was hospitalized for a mysterious, dangerous illness, Kelsey decided to move in with Samara and spend every night at the hospital with her and her family. As the two fell in love within the cold, stale confines of the hospital, a new decision appeared on the horizon: Would they keep lo...


Mr. Claus + Mrs. Claus
You’ve got a squeeze on Christmas Eve? You know you’ll have their lovin’ — but what about ol’ Mrs. Claus? Her man’s out — she’s got nuffin! In our retelling of “The Night Before Christmas,” join lonely Mrs. Claus as she searches for affection in the most unlikely of places....

Idiot + Dummy
Idiot + Dummy met where many boneheads meet: in grad school. One night, they ran into each other on the subway. The two are alike in a lot of ways. They both stay up late, go to punk shows and raves, do drugs, and have sex — lots and lots of sex. As the two get closer, commitment and monogamy become harder and harder to negotiate. Idiot flees from her true feelings as she gets blindsided by a Dummy. Written & produced by Julia Alsop in collaboration with The Heart. Voice Acting by Brian Dolphin, Julia Also...

Desiray + Aaron
Desiray felt a deep, human connection the moment she first heard his voice: Aaron Carter spoke to her through his music. When Desiray was down, Aaron always cheered her up. When she needed him, his music was always there. And when they finally met, it was almost as if Aaron could read her mind. Maybe the deep, human connection Desiray felt as a kid was real. Dozens of concerts later, Desiray and Aaron are almost friends — almost. Now Desiray wonders: “Can a fan ever be a true friend?” Does Aaron value her a...


The Shit
Poo might be the most embarrassing, shameful bodily function. So of course, there are lots of people who bring it into the sexual domain, because that’s the place where taboos get worked out and subverted. The hero of our story has always had a thing for poo and one day he places a craigslist ad looking for the sundae to his cherry....

The Magic Wand
Vibrators have been the friend of the female orgasm for over a century now. Back in the 1800s you could only get access to one via a doctor’s appointment. To cure your irrational woman feelings, hysteria. When they started selling them for home use in the 20th century, companies made up weird, fake uses for them; nail buffing tools,special attachments for vacuum cleaners, etc. One very popular way to market the vibrator was to call it a back massager. Probably thousands of different vibrator have come and g...

Save The Date: 10/16/15
The Heart is hosting a celebration of love, commitment and business, also known as…a WEDDING! Kaitlin and Mitra are getting married (well, sort of). As of April of this year, Kaitlin Prest and Mitra Kaboli are legally bound — as business partners. It’s an LLC of Love! The very first Heart Wedding will mark the commitment between creative director Kaitlin Prest and senior producer Mitra Kaboli as they embark on a new business partnership and reflect on a 5-year-long friendship. The wedding will be part radi...


The Beach
Being naked can be scary. There you are, your whole self. No decorations, no cool skirt or shoes or shorts to look at instead of…you. This story is about one special woman, our naked hero. After undergoing surgery and getting an ostomy (a bag that sits on your hip that your poop goes into), being naked was forever changed. Nonetheless, our hero decided to continue frequenting her favorite nude beach, walking naked and free all summer long. This piece, originally titled after our hero’s Zine, “My Pink Butto...

The P-Spot
Once upon a time, Kaitlin went to a radical sex education workshop. At the workshop, the facilitators spent 45 minutes going into extreme detail of the complexities of the female system of sexual arousal. Then they spent 15 minutes on the male system. The facilitator insinuated that it was very simple – touch the dick, make him come. During the question and answer period the male bodied people in the room protested, insisting that the male anatomy is just as mysterious and complicated as the female anatomy....

The Intimacies
Once upon a time, we did an episode about what happens when there is too much going on sexually. The Ethical Slut says that love isn’t finite. Loving more than one person means having more love instead of less. This can be true. However, love is a complicated emotion. And sex can often be wrapped up in all these complicated and conflicting emotions. More isn’t always better. This piece was submitted to The Heart by an anonymous Dominatrix and produced by Julia Alsop....


The Real Squishy
Most people remember the first time they got off, most of us conveniently forget the era before that when we have no idea what masturbation was. When all we knew is what felt good. We develop strategies that seemed very innocent to us at the time. We didn’t know that there is a name for this kind of feeling good. Or, that certain things that feel good are supposed to be done in private. There was a time when nothing had names and we were just kids....

Riis Park
In the summer of 1960 Joan Nestle was 20 years old and in love. At the time she lived in a Lower East Side tenement apartment and the city was hot, sweaty and humid. Joan and her girlfriend Carol would ride the subway for an hour and half to Riis Park. Riis Park was and still is an easily accessible queer beach in New York. Joan wrote about these memories in her book, A Restricted Country. Beach goer and producer Cassie Wagler brings us her adaptation of one of the essays found in Joan’s book – Lesbian Memo...

Gina Gold
At 5 years old, Gina was parading around the stage with a number pinned to her chest. But as the host of The Little Miss America Competition sang the national anthem, she felt he might have as well been singing,“You’re so whiiiiite, you’re so bloooooonde.” Even still, Gina, the toothless, black Shirley Temple, made it to the final round. When she didn’t hear her number called she looked out into the sea of eager parents and found her parents. Her mother, sullen and disappointed. Next to her mother, sat her ...


The Lost Pardner
Badger Clark is remembered for shaping the poetry of the Old West with striking impressions of the cowboy life. But his poem “The Lost Pardner” about the intimate love of two cowboys has a special kind of beauty. It points to the often forgotten queerness of frontier life, where there was plenty of space to be alone and plenty of cowboys to be alone with. Badger Clark wasn’t the only one out there. Queer fur trappers, stagecoach drivers, European explorers, and poets, like Clark, made their way out west lo...

How to Become a Princess
Just after the new year, Kaitlin and Mitra take a business trip to small town Ontario to meet Steffy. At six foot two inches, Stefonknee is the tallest six year old you will ever meet. Of course, she isn’t actually six. She is an age-player, meaning she likes to pretend to be a kid. She fluidly moves in and out of her six year old self and her adult self. In addition to her male and female identities. Steffy is in a place of peace with her identities after a very traumatic falling out with her family, which...

Dual Control Model
Our friend Dr. Emily Nagoski debunks tired, widely held ideas about sex and replaces them with perfectly clear, scientifically sound explanations. One of those new ideas totally blew our minds, so we’re bringing you our take on the “Dual Control Model.” Dr. Nagoski has compiled all of her brilliance into a book, called “Come As You Are: The Surprising New Science That Will Change Your Sex Life,” in stores now. Trust us, it’s a good read. If you’d like a fun illustrated guide that explains the model, check...


The Spark
The final story of our series is about two people who took a one day’s love and tried to make it last for ever. Sarah and Kim were braver than most of us. Instead of leaving the one day’s love to linger in their memories and fantasies of accidental future meetings, they moved in together. They uhauled it. After the lake and 6 weeks of talking on the phone every day, Sarah amtraked to the big city and settled in to the apartment they signed a year’s lease for. They hadn’t even slept together yet. But they we...

The Subway
A one day’s love has a life cycle. It’s born, it lives a very brief life, and then it dies. That’s it. It’s usually cut short by circumstance, often by time or distance. Sometimes there’s only enough magic for the one night for one night of connection–just a little bit of love. But what if there’s a chance that there’s a little more magic left? Can a one day’s love live another day? After a whirlwind night on the subway with a mysterious man with an easy laugh and terrible taste in music, Caroline decided ...

The Hurricane
Eintagsliebe, a sort of real German word meaning one day’s love. Or, a fling. This can be analogous to the mayfly, eintagsfliege. The mayfly sneaks in through an open window, lives her little mayfly life to the fullest, perhaps even finding her true mayfly love. Then before she knows it, death has overtaken her. She lies limply in the windowsill. It was Friday October 26th 2012 and Hurricane Sandy was slowly descending upon New York City. Mitra was at dinner with Kaitlin, feeling a bit down in the dumps, s...


Lili
It was sometime in the early years of their marriage when Gerda Weganer asked her husband, Einar, to dress in women’s clothes and sit for a painting. The intended subject was running late, and suggested to Gerda that Einar be her stand in. “His legs and feet are as pretty as mine,” she said. All dressed up in a wig, painted with rouge and powders, and buckled into high-heeled shoes, Einar, now Lili, looked into the mirror with a singular wonder: “Was it really possible that I could be so good looking?” So...

Beauty Is Pain
It’s fun to try to be beautiful when people are giving you positive attention for it. It hurts if you’re not meeting that standard and people treat you like you aren’t even there. You watch the people who are getting a lot of positive attention for being that certain kind of beautiful and you are made to feel invisible. Or worse, people go out of their way to make you feel bad. It’s hard to be a woman, yes. It’s a lot harder to be a woman who’s hairier, wider, bigger, taller, square instead of round, stra...

And 27 Other Firsts
Short and Sweet: Mid month we bring you something short. Whitney Jones (producer at PITCH) tells us about his first love, and 27 other firsts in chronological order. Originally produced on Cowbird.  You will also hear some previews of first kisses, which we’ll be sharing at our Launch Party....


First
When we do something for the first time, we enter into a world with new rules. It’s the creation of a new path, a new possibility. We meet this threshold with no knowledge of what will happen, how we or the world will react. Once the rules of the game change, once we do something that we’ve never done before, the question of how to navigate the new world is what comes next. What do we do after the first kiss? Will it give way to the first holding of hands, the first public display of affection, the first s...

Welcome to the Heart
A radio show is born.  Again. We all go through phases and have an identity crisis or three. Audio Smut started as an hour long broadcast radio show at CKUT in Montreal, and has transformed into a delicately crafted podcast now part of PRX’s Radiotopia network. We cordially welcome you to The Heart....

Mouthwash
An Interlude. This is an interview about necking (or lack thereof). A kiss over time: at the beginning, in the middle, at the end. If you don’t like how somebody kisses, can you grow into it? Samara’s Grandma tells us her story. This episode is part of our kissing series. If you want to hear more, go here: http://audiosmut.tumblr.com/...


Last
Episode Twelve. Kaitlin and Kyle. They met at a kissing booth. On their first date they went on a recording adventure (for one of the early Audio Smut documentaries about the Drag Queens). They became obsessed with each other. They ended up making audio recordings of a lot of almost everything that happened between them. This is the last episode of the season. It is also the last episode of Audio Smut. Don’t cry! We will be starting something new in a few months, better and more beautiful than ever before...

Movies In Your Head
Episode Eleven. Audio Smut presents: a radio play. This episode was a documentary experiment, produced in collaboration with composer Shani Aviram. We set out asking questions about how perception is altered in early romantic relationships. How does your sense of reality fail you when you’re falling in love? After months of research and 17 interviews, we decided to write a single narrative encompassing the experiences and facts we unearthed....

My Natural Pocket
A Quickie. Behold the almighty power of the V. Vaginas can hold the largest and smallest of objects with barely the slightest uncomfort. So it just makes sense to stash your weed in there. Star reporter, Ruth Eddy tells us how she came to use her natural pocket....


Coming Of Age
Episode Ten. This episode is about growing up, becoming an adult, entering a stage of independence: shaving cream, tampons, driving, voting, doing your own dishes, doing your own taxes and sex. This episode will take you on a path of rituals, formal or otherwise....

Love Letters
Episode Nine. The written word: a way to fuel a romance, a way to capture someone’s attention, a way to break up. We read people’s most private letters, and tell the story of the relationships that were made and broken by them....

To Nora
A Quickie. In 1909, James Joyce wrote his wife, Nora Barnacle, a series of very sexy letters. While her side of the correspondence has been lost, we still have Joyce’s letters–and they’re really good. In this quickie, we’re reading you one of our favorites....


Fu*k Love
Episode Eight (Welcome to Season Two) FU*K LOVE. Family. Responsibility. Survival. Economic Stability. These were once much more important to things to build your life on. This episode looks at the ideal of true love, how it came to be and what exists outside of it....

A Valentine
A Quickie: Do you believe in true love? Does it really exist, or is it just a mythology made up by Hollywood? How would you define true love? Jonathan Goldstein shares his thoughts on this Valentine’s Day special....

Lovemaps
Episode Seven. Psychologist and sexologist, John Money came up with the theory of a lovemap. A lovemap is a template. It’s a template that we are constantly measuring our sexual and romantic experiences against. It’s the map of what we like, who we like and how we like it. Money’s idea is that we all have one, and they tend to be pretty specific, right down to how exactly you need to be touched to have an orgasm. In this episode of Audio Smut we explore different kinds of lovemaps; sexual lovemaps that dev...


Afternoon Delight
A Quickie: This quickie is a history- a love map, if you will- of how Kaitlin manages to be such a productive person. Also, this is the reason why Kaitlin insists on holding our meetings in coffee shops. Here, the lines between public and private, work and pleasure, get a little blurry. Check it out at In the Dark Radio’s installation at the Latitude festival (http://www.inthedarkradio.org/?page\_id=799)....

Getting By
Episode Six Homelessness isn’t really something that can be easily defined. Sometimes people make choices, other times people have no choices. In this episode, we have three situations from three very different people about how they managed to get by....

Yellow Jumpsuit
A Quickie: Keith’s virginity story. Keith is and always has been an extremely charming man. I know it was the 90s, but there is nothing charming about a yellow jumpsuit. Poor clothing choices aside, Keith still proves to be a chick magnet. If you love this story, stay tuned for our next episode coming out on Sunday July 7th where you will hear more of Keith plus some other truly incredible tales....


Happens to the Best of Us
Episode Five. It’s your highschool sex ed class. Mrs. Green is going to play a movie. You are very excited. The room goes dark, the movie begins. You’re already a little bit aroused; you’ve seen pornography before but never in public with all your friends. Until you see the VAGINAS DESTROYED FOREVER because of unprotected sex. Penises OOZING MYSTERY SLIME never to ejaculate normally again! Encrusted growths! Rotting flesh! You carry a mortal fear of STIs for your entire adult life. Until you get one....

Movie Night
A Quickie: What will people think? This story happened to a friend of a friend of a friend of a friend of Audio Smut Producer, Erin. When surfing the Casual Encounters on Craigslist one must be prepared to be surprisingly turned on. Things get hot on there. Our shero finds a posting that speaks to her. She is turned on and cannot get this man’s fantasy out of her mind. She is so struck that she responds. She has never responded to a Craigslist ad. She is terrified, excited, and extremely nervous. Tonight, ...

Pregnant
Episode Four. The good times and the bad times of making babies. Babies being born is a topic we accidentally avoid on audio smut. But the fact is, we have bodies that make us babies and sex is involved, albeit in many different ways. In this episode, we look at three different stories of babies being born....


The Wrath of the Potluck
A Quickie: The time that god punished you for having a threesome with my sister. Devon is one of Kaitlin’s oldest friends from high school. They now live in different cities and see each other yearly if they’re lucky. Kaitlin’s sister recently moved Toronto. The rest of this story is in the gutter, literally. Devon has a very sensitive stomach. He ate too much curry and spicy peppers on the night that was to end with him and two beautiful, naked women. A dream come true, right?...

Poo
Episode Two. Seriously, what’s the big deal. In this episode, we tackle one of the biggest taboos. We eat food, everyday and eventually that food has to come out. Yeah it’s gross and stinky but it is one of the most natural things that our body does. Nonetheless, it’s quite common for people to have hang ups around anything that has to do with butts....

Mozart
A Quickie: We bring to you a surprising letter from Mozart....


The Sensorium
Episode One. Experience more than sight, sound, smell, taste, touch. Venture with us beyond the 5-way sense scape....

The Illicit Couples Retreat
Audio Smut Experiments: ventures beyond radio into the realm of sound installation, performance and audio art work. The Penn Hills Hotel and Resort was abandoned by it’s owner in the late 2000′s after failing to pay their taxes. The expansive property is a time capsul: heart shaped bathtubs, floor to ceiling shag carpet and circle beds. Seven exclusive couples were invited on a late night getaway to the Penn Hills Hotel and Resort in the Poconos. There was live music and drinks. They were then checked into...

I Like Me
Audio Smut Experiments: ventures beyond radio into the realm of sound installation, performance and audio art work. Audio Smut in collaboration with a visual artist who remains anonymous created a slide show of sexy self portraits accompanied by audio that explains her thought process when she was taking the photos of herself. She explores concepts of womanhood, beauty and being comfortable in her body as is, unaltered. The slideshow was presented once and only once, but the audio is still a treat....


Audible Picture Show
Audio Smut Experiments: ventures beyond radio into the realm of sound installation, performance and audio art work. People sitting in a dark movie theater in Brooklyn sat and listened to a series of sound art pieces. This was one of them....